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Sometimes We Just Gotta Slide Off
**Calls enormous steroid abusing body guards, straps on bullet proof vest, steps into bullet proof bubble and surveys the surroundings . Okay, I think I’m safe**
Why do men cheat?
Yeah, I know. This is a dangerous topic. I’ve seen it covered on other blogs and it never seems to get old. At the request of a few readers, I’m sacrificing myself to the masses to talk about it. Let’s get into it…
We like buns. The end.
Just kidding. We all know dudes with chicks that can’t help but to sample new goods. I’ve heard people argue that “once a cheater, always a cheater”. I disagree. Ill acknowledge that there are people addicted to sex that really can’t help themselves. I’ll also acknowledge that there are dudes who aren’t really happy in their relationships physically, mentally, and/or emotionally that wander elsewhere in hopes of getting what they deserve or desire. They’re bad at picking women and run into the same problem over and over again. This means they stray over and over again. Thus, it appears that “once a cheater, always a cheater”.
But what about the rest of us? Most of the dudes I know with an affinity for buns know better than to get a girlfriend in the first place. If homie knows he’s a hot commodity, he’ll play the field longer than Cal Ripken unless he gets injured (a la she’s pregnant, he gets clapped in the non-violent way, or some other unforseen circumstance like falling in love however unlikely that may be.). I’d say that as men get older, the reasons for cheating change. Aside from loving love canal, things really may be missing from the relationship. This is a different type of cheating. Here are some examples:
Hobby and Interest Support Deficit
Larry is dating Marissa. Marissa nags him all the time. She always has time to be out and about with her girls, but won’t come to any of Larry’s summer league basketball games. Larry meets Tanya, who happens to love basketball and takes an interest in Larry’s life in general. They play a little one on one. Larry shoots and scores in more ways than one. Larry feels bad, but not too bad and Tanya put in some work that must be rewarded. Larry continues to dunk on Tanya which takes stress out of his relationship with Marissa. He’s been with Marissa for a year and doesn’t know if Tanya is moving to Texas so he doesn’t bother to tell Marissa.
Self-Health and Maintenance Deficit
Marquis is a pretty boy. He consistently has girls approaching him. One chick, Latisha, somehow gets him to commit. He keeps being approached by other chicks. Latisha is happy to show him off, but gets comfortable and puts on 15 lbs. in the wrong places. Chicks that now look like what Latisha used to look like keep approaching him. Latisha continues to expand horizontally. Marquis caves under the pressure and decides to explore another cave.
Attention and Physical Appearance Deficit
Johnny lives in Knoxville. Debbie lives in Dallas. Debbie appears to be preoccupied with other things and makes herself scarcely available and refuses to travel. Johnny gets tired of cranking them out solo. He gets some assistance from Ally who liked his swag. Johnny is now relieved and able to tolerate his situation with Debbie. Debbie turns out to be a skeeze and appears on porntube.com without his her permission. Johnny is not as embarrassed since he had already enlisted the services of someone equally as talented.
Now there are other reasons and scenarios that lead men to different water theme parks. The most typical answer to all of this is “Just stop dealing with the significant other. Gosh.” Sometimes it’s really not that simple for men. Call it cowardice, and we’ll call it convenient or necessary. But yeah, it’s not always that we can’t help ourselves because we’re men. There are other factors. What do yall think?
Interpreting the Shady Since 1983,
37 Responses to “Sometimes We Just Gotta Slide Off”
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All of your scenarios seem to blame the female in one way or another. Do you believe it’s always something the female is not doing or doing too much of?
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All the scenarios blame the female because this entry is about why men slide off. Surely we would not blame ourselves the majority of the time.lol. To answer your question, I don’t believe it’s always the female doing something or not doing something. I acknowledged that there are dudes with an affinity for buns that can’t help themselves. My greater point is to say that there is a lot that people can do to keep things from getting to that point other than just getting lazy and breaking up. There’s a reason that I used the word “deficit” so many times.
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All of the above instances are instances of cheating that I would not tolerate. Clearly, we’re not for each other and need to break up. I don’t do cheating with emotional attachments. My man can screw somebody else. I can live with that. My man bonding with someone else? Not gonna fly. If you’re not fulfilled then you need to step.
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Slim,
you missed a couple reasons why dudes may creep in the night… but i gotcha homie.
Blog Entry Addendum:
- Unwillingness to do certain things in the bedroom
forreal… especially give brains. dudes don’t like when that is refused (real talk).
- General unwarranted jealousy
this is whack especially if dude and shorty were “friends” before they started chattin’ that chat. Just because homie may be cool with other girls, or because of his profession he has to mingle with people on a regular basis, doesn’t mean he’s a bad dude or that he’s trying to slide. Sometimes, jealous rants are what put the idea in his head.
- Not putting out
Once you’ve already put out, that might do more harm than good.
- Not keeping your home girls in check
If your supposed homegirls keep lookin’ at dude with the bedroom eyes, he might try to get it in. You gotta watch ya girls, especially if they bad.
Alright, I might be wildin’ a lil with the last one.. and for the record, I am not condoning cheating. I don’t think it’s something people SHOULD do, but who am I to judge? It is what it is.. it’s something that has been happening since the beginning of man. and woman. Should we just sit back and let it happen? Probably so. I mean, we’ve been having forums about it for years and it doesn’t change. Divorce rates are skyrocketing because people are going to do what they desire. We all wanna have our cake and eat it too. (no innuendo). It’s the American way. More folks might just need to get their Will & Jada on…
- guns
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“Aint no p*ssy like new p*ssy/that’s just how a ni99a feels/B*ss 3 times, throw her the peace sign/now my d*ck sleep and I dont gotta call her for weeks.”
There’s usually something that pushes men away. And as hard as it is to believe, yes ladies, if your man cheats, it’s your fault. Not 100%, if there was something he was lacking and he didnt communicate it, well that’s on him. But if he repeatedly mentions an affinity for mouth hugs and he’s not getting any…boy oh boy…there’s a lady out there that dont like nothing better than to suck a @#$%. There’s a few actually. And God bless them all.
Did I just ask God to bestow blessings on fellacious women? Yes, yes I did.
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Guns my man, you are loaded this morning. Excellent addendum. Go ahead, take the rest of the day off.
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I completely understand all of these scenarios, but like Slim said…why wouldn’t you just stay single, or break up w/ a chick if she’s doing any # of these things.
I guess like Guns says you want your cake and eat it too, but I just see so many ppl getting hurt it seems like ALL could be solved if someone just steps up and says “we need to break up,” and THEN do your thing w/ whomever you please.
You’re right though, it’ll continue to happen and probably happen at an increasing rate.
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Its not always as easy as just “stepping up and breaking up”. Sometimes it isnt a good time to break up with ole girl cuz she’s stressed or she might be a lil nutty and try to cut you or maybe the cheating is helping your main relationship. Nobody knows…..
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Jealousy is a beast Guns. Good addendum.
Skinny Black,
“I don’t do cheating with emotional attachments. My man can screw somebody else. I can live with that.”
That’s a great comment. Men are more physically territorial creatures and women tend to be, well you know. I ain’t trying to make any sweeping generalizations. Dude can slide and recover with shorty sometimes. Chick slide on dude and he might slide a dagger into her liver. Perhaps more of the double standard. Great topic for another day.
OJ is in jail.
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I think women can get just as nutty if not nuttier if you get caught cheating. I was reading an article about 1 in 2 people chat nowadays. And a lot of the men profiled in the article mentioned the idea that it helps the main relationship but when asked what they would do if the situation reversed they said stuff like “I’d kill her.”
Do you guys feel that way? This may be the absolute worst double standard in my book.
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Steph,
Do we feel that way? In one word: Yes.
Basketball players wanna dunk on someone viciously but they don’t wanna get dunked on.
Manipulators want to manipulate but they don’t wanna be manipulated.
Dudes wanna pull up to the shake club in a slick whip, but don’t want the true titty bar ballers to show them up by making it rain.
I would say that’s true for both men and women.. i’ve heard cheating girls get tight and play the blame game in the same situation.
Forreal, it’s effed up on all accounts. I’m gonna enjoy my day off now.
:::blinks 3 times:::
:::opens eyes:::
…still in the office. hmph
- guns
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I think the reason cheating really happens is lack of communication. It’s like someone said earlier, a woman can’t fix what she doesn’t know is wrong. And sadly, most men suck at communication. (Not to mention it gets harder to be honest with someone when you care about their feelings.) I think guys find it easier to cheat and be happy at home, than to communicate and risk having to “hear wifey’s mouth.” This also relates to the whole sex w/o emotion thing. I think women find it hard to comprehend that a man can cheat and still love them, whereas a man can look at the ass as just ass. Lastly, as a person who has cheated before, I have to say that ending the relationship was the LAST thought to cross my mind. I didn’t want to lose all the good from my guy, I just wanted to add to it
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After awhile what more is there to say? If you know dude loves when to get his tallywacker tongued down and you don’t do it, well… you see where that got Hillary. (Jokes?)
Or if he’s into something, expressed it repeatedly and you’re not supporting the cause, you’re just allowing the next PYT to jostle for pole position*.
*Innuendo very much intended.
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In no way is Seattle Washington now or ever condoning cheating. This is not an interpretation of actual events, but a mere attempt to throw some $3 Unleaded on the fire and humor the masses. It’s my job dammit.
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“I think the reason cheating really happens is lack of communication. It’s like someone said earlier, a woman can’t fix what she doesn’t know is wrong. And sadly, most men suck at communication.”
I would agree w/the first part of the statement as far as the lack of communication. HOWEVER, the fact that most men suck at communication is generalized statement which takes away from the fact that females are the one’s that lack the most important part of communication which happens to be LISTENING! As a few of my counterparts have said in earlier statements, if a man tells you he likes to get his C*ck n B*llz licked, then you’d better do some intent listening. And not the type of listening where you just wait to talk again, but the type of listening where the information goes into said ears and is processed. Due to the fact that most information that comes out of dudes mouths is never fully processed nor understood by most females leads to a highly disasterous cheating, divorce rate. Word of advice to females:
TRY LISTENING!
And to my gents make better choices, cus if she ain’t got her ears open, it won’t be too long before other holes start shutting down…
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i totally agree with InsomniaPoet… communication is def key, and honesty is truly the best policy.
here’s my thing… whenever i start dating a dude, i tell him straight up, “i don’t do this, and i don’t do that, so if you feel the need to mess with other chicks, let me know.” i feel like if dude feels the need to eff (read: thronx, get mouth hugs, etc etc) someone else, then he shouldn’t waste his time or my time trying to make it work. just let me know you are into something/someone else and I’m not cutting it (hmm maybe i’m the only that likes to hear the truth?)! this whole thing about not wanting to hurt a girl’s feelings is BS… don’t be scared guys. lying/creeping just makes it worse (i.e. i’d be more upset if one of my friends saw you or i caught you with another chick as opposed to you saying, “V, I wanna see (do) other people”). We’re all adults here… talk it out!
and ladies, we just have to accept that not EVERY man will love us and want to be with us forever. we’re fly on our own, and we’ll meet someone else who appreciates our greatness (and if you can’t wait for that guy, invest in a toy or two =P). so, if our men do cheat, we have every right to be upset, but at the same time, it’s not the end of the world and we can move on. plus, it would prob convince these guys that not all women are crazy, so they won’t be afraid to tell us what’s really going on.
So a question to do the dudes… why are you guys afraid to express your intentions? Is it because you’re afraid of her reaction (specifically the psycho ones), or are afraid of losing her, or both? If you are afraid of losing her, why would you cheat in the first place?
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and BK has a point… listening is key, too!
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Like you said, sometimes its not that simple as to just break up with the girlfriend, but really though…man up. Cheating is a punk move. Either bring your issues to the forefront with your boo, or step off. (This goes for women too). As it has been said, if she doesn’t know what’s wrong in your eyes, you can’t expect her to change. Tell her to put down the donuts and pick a dumbbell. Tell her that you need her to be interested. I know, expressing emotions/wants/need/
anythingis not the easiest thing for men do. But geez…And, emotional cheating is definitely worse. While neither is ok, I think women can (barely) rock with the idea of man just being physically weak more so than him needing TLC from another woman. (Although that may feed into the “once a cheater, always a cheater” idea)… Bottom line. Don’t cheat.
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LESS TALK, MORE LISTENING
=
BETTER RESULTS
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I really don’t co sign cheating. I think once it gets to that point he or she needs to call it quits. Now communication is very important i know sometimes men have issues with that. Let me tell you this ladies if you have a man, and you do not take care of home!! That man will wonder i don’t care what you say. So if you know he likes the big piece of chicken on Sunday and he loves that thing you do with your tongue. Lol
Better keep it going. If he isn’t doing something that you like let him now. A real man will respect you for that. Cause just as we can dish, we can recieve.
I use to run a joke with my boys. After 1982 they don’t make women like they use too. I’m going to get some heat for that comment. It is cool, my mother raised 3 boys and she made sure we all wouldn’t have to depend on a woman.
That’s why i have a good track record with older women. They understand what it takes to keep a man happy. Now im not on some macho i need a meal everyday and the whole deal.As a man i don’t want to have the doubts wondering is my woman gonna handle her buisness.
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“If he isn’t doing something that you like let him now. A real man will respect you for that. Cause just as we can dish, we can recieve.”
Pause. I just dish.
But seriously, you raise some good points Ainz. Older/mature women do operate on a different wave length. Then again, they’ve probably figured us out because they got more experience. After not listening to sig others for years and being boo-booed on, I’m sure they start to figure it out. Shouts out to the older women that listen and make us wanna stay faithful to yo thang.
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I totally agree with Miss V and Sowhatiff…for the sake of not repeating what they said I just have one question for the cheaters out there who cannot communicate, or think someone doesn’t listen.
Do you have ANY guilt? Seriously? I know so many people who cheat and it’s like they don’t even care.
The comment about “I liked what I had but I wanted to add to it,” to me is so disrespectful.
We all deserve the right to know if our guy or girl is runnin around on us, for one reason sexual health, for another, like someone said (I think Miss V), we will respect that you told the truth and move on.
I think people who cheat and still say they love and/or their main person are just selfish and irresponsible. Yeah, I said it.
If the person isn’t satisfying you in some aspect of your life then be REAL and tell them, give them the chance to move on and find someone better.
This topic clearly gets me heated as a woman who has been cheated on by more than one guy and who has a roommate that just got cheated on after 5 years of dating.
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Steph,
Where is he? We can run up on him right now.
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haha well for me it was so long ago I don’t care anymore, but my roommates situation is very recent.
His excuse was “I was intimidated by you because you’re doing better than me,”
biggest bunch of BS I’ve ever heard.
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Smh. What a winner. That’s right fella, blame your insecurity on her, and then cheat on her because of it.
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Firstly, I don’t think men will ever run out of reasons as to why they cheat, but when they get caught—the scene is more entertaining than watching Soulja Girl on the Marta.
To add to the list, however, I’ll reference a story of my own. My ex-boyfriend had cheated on me once (or so he said) during our relationship and then came out [of the closet] of his shell to talk about it after we had broke up. He said that he never really wanted the commitment when we got together, but he agreed to it so I’d be happy and only drop my draws on his floor. This little playboy bunny of his turned out to have loose lips, among other things, that he did not particularly favor and he then decided to embrace what was waiting at home. Lucky me! (….NAAT)
For future reference, men, women like me would be much happier if you told us of your slut ways before we decide to play wife, rather than you giving us the illusion that we could build together and then slip out (pun intended) in the middle of the night. Why, you ask? Because I might be mad at the fact that you’re faithfully challenged, but if I ever find out that you’re dipping out on me (I probably won’t tell you for a little while, it’s more fun that way) it may behoove you to sleep with one eye open for the duration of our domestic partnership.
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Okay Okay, yes listening is key to communication but listening doesn’t mean deciphering the truth from the game you are spitting what you say. While everyone is an open communicator on the blog, I don’t think the same holds true in real life. I don’t know any man who would tell a woman “I like bj’s all day everyday and you are gonna give them to me or I am gonna step out and cheat on you and still come back to you after I get my needs met” Nor do I know any woman who would respond “No baby, I love you and I am heading to Barnes and Noble’s right now to pick up Karrine’s latest how to guide to keep you happy at home.”
People in general do not speak this candidly in “real life” (as they should, or do on text messages, emails, im, etc.) Instead, people try to sugar coat the truth or be as nice as possible when saying something that others don’t want to hear or they are afraid will hurt someone’s feelings. Also, people claim to want the truth but the first time you give it to them they can’t handle it.
Now I am not condoning cheating, but I am not condemning it either. I have been on both sides of the coin and think I understand both perspectives. I am not denying to cheat is selfish – I agree 100% but making a selfish decision doesn’t mean you don’t care about your S.O. It is also selfish to drink the last of the kool-aid and not make more but would you dump your man for that?
Just because someone makes a mistake bad decision does not mean they are evil manipulative cheaters for life who never cared about their S.O. in the first place. Sometimes you don’t end the relationship because you really did “slip up,” sometimes you know your S.O. cannot provide everything you need and you get someone to fill the space in the middle but you KNOW if you tell your S.O. this they will get upset so what S.O. doesn’t know wont hurt them. Or maybe you were a serial cheater and are truly making an effort to stop b/c of the S.O. but it is harder than it seems so you keep slipping up but you are honestly working on it so you don’t tell S.O. Or maybe you are just sleeping w/ your ex, which doesn’t count against your S.O. b/c you were sleeping w/ your ex first. This isn’t even addressing the men who feel it is their “right to cheat.” (i.e. I work and you don’t so if I stray you can’t say anything about it) Then you also have the cynics who think everyone cheats anyway so I may as well get mine too. The list goes on and on…….
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okay, so i tried to do the strikethrough thing and it didn’ t work so I hope yall can decipher my response
sorry
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Cheating is like stealing bases. It’s part of the game…don’t get caught. Why does someone cheat? Cause they’re not satisfied. A woman can do all she can…sometimes, its just not going to be enough to satisfy a guy. You just don’t have the control over his whole life. You could be throwing down in the bed room, the kitchen AND paying the bills, but if a guy isn’t satisfied with his job, or some other part of his life and some PYT comes along to give his ego a boost, he’s gonna cheat. Of course, if you’re not satisfying him, and the rest of his life is ok, well…you’ve still got problems. In any case, cheating doesn’t count if nobody finds out. That’s just the way it works. Word of advice to any guy considering coming clean about boinking something luscious on an off night – don’t do it. It doesn’t end well for anyone involved. I’d say the same to ladies, but I get the feeling that most women already know to keep their mouth shut…
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Ironman,
WOW. I don’t know if I should applaud your candor, smh at what you suggest, or just say “True dat.”
In closing, ::sigh::.
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A story for you all…
I had a friend in a 2 year committed relationship. Guy must have had one of these “what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her” moments and cheated. Two months later my friend who had only ever slept with this dude and one other ends up going to the doctor and finding out she has herpes. Guess where it came from? She can never get rid of that. Had her man been up front her ENTIRE life would be different, not to mention her future childrens lives (if she has kids).
Again…irresponsible, selfish, disrespectful etc.
I am not saying people can’t cheat and wear protection, but this is just a story to let you know what your actions can lead to. Not to mention all of the emotional hurt.
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Steph, I’m really sorry to hear about the unfortunate events that occurred with your friend. That truly is the worst case scenario when it comes to being in a relationship.
Thank you for sharing that story and I hope our readers keep it mind. I know I will.
Seattle
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oh, and i thought that i’d might share:
I was watching Good Morning America today and they revealed that unprotected oral sex can lead to oral cancer (as a result of HPV… so it’s not just a genital thing anymore). so those of you who love to give and/or receive those precious mouth hugs should be careful!
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Miss V,
Are you aware that there is a hole in the ozone layer? Did you know that second hand smoke is one of the leading killers of Americans? If you eat a Big Mac everyday for a month, that will kill you too. My point: something’s gonna kill ya. So pucker up, kiss it to God and get to huggin! Might be the last hug you give, so make it a good one!
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LMAO Senor… this is indeed true, we can die anyday, in any way, and it’s outside of our control. but why put yourself in harm’s way on purpose? all i’m saying is protect yourself… otherwise, hug away!
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A dog was carrying a bone over a bridge. Looking down at the water under the bridge, the dog saw his reflection, which looked to the dog to be a bigger dog, carrying a bigger bone. Wanting the bigger bone he saw in the water, the dog barked and dropped his bone into the river. Stupid dog loses his bone.
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