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Sometimes Women Ask for It
And now 50 new dudes will try to take you home.
I was trying to stay within a few feet of the fellas as we trekked through the crowd. If I lost focus for a second, I very easily could have been lost in the mix fighting for enough arm space to send a few text messages telling them to hold up before I got lost in the Caribbean. I was a bit frustrated until the ill feelings dissipated after realizing I was surrounded by things—beautiful things. In addition to the human aesthetics, I ended up eating some of the best food I’ve had in life and drinking some bathtub-made street concoction known as nutcracker (pause). This was my experience at the West Indian Day Parade in NYC. Did I wake up the next day with joints aching and feet in disarray from walking and being jostled by aggressive parade participants? Yes, but it was worth it. And honestly, I’ll never do it again.*Crosses off parade on to-do list*
I tweeted and texted/chatted with a few women about the parade. Some of which were there and had already left. Others had went in years past and vowed to never return. Though their reasons were different than mine, I sorta understood. I was concerned with the sheer number of people dancing, smoking, and going crazy in such close proximity to me in what seemed to be such an open space. I was concerned with standing and walking in my Cole Haan “I might go somewhere with a dress code” shoes from the night before and not having shades to shield my wandering eyes. Most of the women I spoke to were concerned with walking through the gauntlet. What is the gauntlet you ask?
Gauntlet (noun)- Any area lined with aggressive men spitting a variety of game and using a plethora of techniques to attract the attention of the opposite sex. Gauntlets can be found at Greek house parties, Miami Memorial Day Weekend, and any minority based parade that favors groups that like rum. Yeah, you know it’s true . Let it go.
As you can probably imagine, there were some scantily clad women at and in the parade. I was informed that the clothing (Not just the people in the parade) I saw is typical of what people wear on the islands. In my trips to places surrounded by water, I hadn’t seen that much local skin. Now I wanna hit the lotto just so I can visit all these islands and see more “things.” Crap, I’m digressing again. Anyways…
A few island women were talking about the frustration of not being able to wear the clothes they’d wear at home in the U.S. because of all the men in the gauntlet. And I admit that when men see such copious amounts of skin exposed, we become a bit less civilized. We reach out to grab arms. We grab at hair. We grab at the belt loop of the short shorts and do whatever else we can to stop a chick from surpassing one of many obstacles to her destination. Sh*t, some of us will do this in day to day life just because we know it wins after enough atempts.
The next part is where I line-step a bit. Part of me says women should be able to wear whatever they want and be treated as a lady regardless of the setting. I’m pretty sure that’s the PC muscle part of me. The other, and much more testosterone-driven, part of me honestly says “Hey, what do you really expect if you walking down an NYC street in a swimsuit?”or “Did you think I wouldn’t think about backshots to the future with you wearing shorts that show your undercheeks and a top that uses about as much fabric as a wristband?”
I’m all about cultural expression, but know your environment. There are just some things you shouldn’t do and if you do decide to do them, be prepared to deal with the consequences. A parade or an event known for it’s demonstration of beauty in it’s purest form is gonna be swarming with dudes hunting for exotic fruit. If you don’t want to deal with the advances, just don’t go to the event.
What are your thoughts? Do you think men will holler at the same level regardless of a woman’s attire or is it men in the U.S. that take it too far? Should women really have an expectation of being able to wear what they/y’all want when it comes to self-expression without having to deal with the aggressiveness of man regardless of setting? Are you a fan of these large cultural gatherings/hunting grounds? Let us know.
Girl, I wanna be a citizen of your country so gimme yo arm,
P.S. Shame on you if you thought this post was gonna condone any type of violence. Thanks for reading though.
39 Responses to “Sometimes Women Ask for It”
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This was my experience at the West Indian Day Parade in NYC.
^^^From your tweets, i had a feeling that’s where you were!
Did I wake up the next day with joints aching and feet in disarray from walking and being jostled by aggressive parade participants? Yes, but it was worth it. And honestly, I’ll never do it again.*Crosses off parade on to-do list*
^^^I’d never go back…i almost got trampled…and i was a few feet away from my aunt’s apartment!
I was informed that the clothing (Not just the people in the parade) I saw is typical of what people wear on the islands.
^^^Trinidad Carnival 2011 is where it will be at!
Do you think men will holler at the same level regardless of a woman’s attire or is it men in the U.S. that take it too far?
^^^In all honesty, i think it is the U.S. cause people in the U.S. have different views than those in the Caribbean. If it is the same in Trinidad in 2011, i’ll be sure to let you know.
Should women really have an expectation of being able to wear what they/y’all want when it comes to self-expression without having to deal with the aggressiveness of man regardless of setting?
^^^No, unfortunately, there will always be that ONE that will take what you are wearing to a while different level & quickly turn your night sour from having to hide or leave to avoid harassment.
Are you a fan of these large cultural gatherings/hunting grounds?
^^^I need there to be a restriction…after my experience years back, the West Indian Day Parade is an event i don’t plan on ever returning to!
TRINIDAD & HAITI! #Thatisall
Great post! (And that picture didn’t shock me)
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Hmmm…. this is a good one….
I firmly believe that if you dress a certain way you’re going to be treated and viewed a certain way.
I hate it when men do this: the hollering, whistling, and the grabbing. It just kills me.
The men in the US take it as far as the women lets them. And this line is true in almost every situation. But, in my experience, the men in Mexico take it even further. I detest going to Mexico because even if I’m wearing a potato sack as a dress they will find something to find attractive and holler at you and grab you and try to take you. It was one of the most frightening experiences ever. So of course, when in Mexico, I don’t walk in the gauntlet unless I’m with a male companion. Actually, I don’t walk alone in the dark (its bad in the day time now imagine at night) when I’m in Mexico. Period. I don’t worry about walking in the gauntlet here in the US cuz I know I’ll be ok, but still, I’m always a little apprehensive and cautious of where I walk to and what I’m wearing.
“You don’t have to be a freak on the streets to show that you’re a freak in the sheets… ” – Me. Hehe…
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L. Dejean Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 1:06 am
I hate it when men do this: the hollering, whistling, and the grabbing. It just kills me.
^^^This peeves me to NO end!
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“We was in African chillin. Muhfxckn titty free. Just chillen. Black people, ladies, pull out ya titties.”
I’ve been to ONE labor day parade. And I didn’t even stay for long. Heard too many stories about what happens. SO I avoid them. Um and as far as what we wear, I feel like men holler more when women wear less. You mentioned Greek events. It was a pajama party here in UA. My 1st one (maybe last) and I wore shorts… that ended up feeling like boyshorts that cut into my @ss. Why? Because even in the dark, hands will roam. Find exposed skin and do all sorts of inappropriate things that are as close to s*x as possible. I mean, women can wear whatever the hell they want but come on, think about it. Men (here) will be the same. I can’t speak for men in the islands. Fun of these gatherings? Ehh, not too much anymore. I feel it’s the same everywhere. @ss and titties. Men grabbing anything that looks feminine and fleshy. I’m over it?
*gives Slim my arm*
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This year was the 1st time I went to the parade in 4yrs. I grew up right where the route starts and it was blasphemy not to go. Never played mas in Bklyn though but hate the grabbin on and off the pkwy. I’ve played mas in trinidad 5 yrs str8 and in miami 3xs. It isn’t a US thing… Its a Bklyn thing. On any other day of the year its one thing to say watch what you wear but you can’t play mas in bklyn. The men are way to aggressive like all allyuh jus reach from rikers and neva seen woman before. I studied abroad in Italy and the men there reach and touch but even so its more like a caress. In bklyn its like a pimp trying to get that $100 u tried to save from ur nights work on the strip. They play like they own u when they don’t know you. SMH and its only gotten this bad in the last few yrs. With over 15 labor day parades under my belt it just gets worse every year. If this was about any other day and what women wear I’d co-sizzle but women should be able to play they mas and rep they country without all dat madness. Oh and fyi women in the islands don’t dress like that errday…carnival time maybe but majority of them don’t walk around showing they stuff its more conservative there than in the states.
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Great post. I agree with you. Women should expect certain behaviors from men when they wear certain things.
I’ve never stepped foot outside of the USA, but I can imagine that men in the islands don’t act like American men. They see butt cheeks and all but the areola everyday.
Personally, I already know what to expect when I step out on the dc scene. If I go the jeans and t-shirt route I’m going to get some double takes at my ass and a couple “damn ma”s. Maybe a few “excuse me sweethaat”s (dc men don’t pronounce R’s very well).
I don’t leave my house in my freakum dress finest without having “the talk” in the mirror.
“Do you see what you have on? Do you see how scrumptious you look? You are not allowed to get mad at men for oogling your goodies, nor are you allowed to act offended or scoff at men who yell/call/approach you. Smile and keep it moving”
What I don’t do is put on the hoochiest of hooch and shake my ass all over the club, then get mad when every James Mike and Brandon want to get in my panties.
Women should expect the behavior from men that is sure to come with the outfit they’re wearing and the behavior they exude in said outfit. There would be more happy women at the end of Saturday night, and less cell phone videos on worldstarhiphop.com of some thick-thied diva knocking homeboy upside the head with her clutch.
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SBF Addicted to Retail Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 10:31 am
Great post… you said everything I wanted to say & I’m not abot extra work for no credit so I’m saying: CoSign.
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**Yo Slim would not shut up about that Trini Pork! Had me kinda tight that he was repping for another island that hard**
As a veteran to all these public molesting events, I had to admit. News spreads about a good event in years past, about how one guy got away with grappling a girl one year, than the next year everyone gets all hyped up about it and expects every girl there to give every guy there that kind of attention. And if she doesn’t .. than you can hide like a coward in the crowd.
See Miami Memorial Day or the 2001 Puerto Rican Day Parade.
It really only hurts the fellas, b/c the year after you are going to see a substantial drop in female attendance and more conservative dressing. But the good news about labor day is that the love of their island is enough to keep some good looking ones coming back.
**shouts out to voila for a great Haiti float this year.**
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 9:59 am
I’ll buy a Haiti t-shirt and flag for my whip to maintain my true allegiance.
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L. Dejean Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
**Yo Slim would not shut up about that Trini Pork! Had me kinda tight that he was repping for another island that hard**
^^^I sucked my teeth when i read that…don’t hate! Any Trini food is a win & now Slim knows that! If you had my mother’s cooking, you would know that too! lol!
Being that I’m both Trini & Haitian, i rep both…I’m with my Haitian fam every holiday…the Vanilla cake is such a WIN…i look forward to it every gathering! My grandpas maca is amazing as well!
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I really don’t care for these types of events…I am sure we all remember Freaknic…I didn’t attend that and I wouldn’t attend any event where the expectation is that the women are going to be scantily dressed….plus, I am not a fan of large events like this anyway….unless, I know for a fact security is going to be deep…
No, women should not have an expectation of being able to wear just what they want. The men in the islands are used to seeing the women like this..its a cultural thing. When in Rome do as the Romans…if you dress scantily expect that some dude might get out of pocket…and you mentioned something about Rum being involved, too…anything mixed with alcohol is a no-go for me..that is why I wouldn’t do Times Square on New Years..too much foolishness going on.
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i’ve never been to the Labor Day Parade. based on Mr. Jackson’s synopsis, i prolly ain’t missing much.
your post brings up the concept of the “whore’s uniform” that dave chappelle so eloquently explains here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K1KHqi9bXc (safe for work, but headphones are needed).
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Sukez Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 9:22 am
I don’t even have to click it to know it’s Killing Them Softly. #DEAD
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Yeah fam, The food was cool and the music on the floats was straight, but it drained the life outta me.lol.
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Carver Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 10:19 am
that sounds like a “blow my high” type of event. although, i do have an affinity for west indian women & culture, i’ll just get my fix from the reggae set at the club…or just go to brooklyn
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I’ll gawk and probably approach a scantily clad woman. I make no apologies for that. I draw the line at putting hands on strangers though. In some municipalities, that’s illegal. No poom-poom is worth that. I also know how I respond to random people putting hands on me.
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American men sure do take it too far. And it doesn’t matter what you’re dressed liked.
I’ll NEVER go to South Beach for Memorial Day weekend…ever. My girls and I were dressed like nuns compared to the majority of chicks, and dudes still were disrespectful with their hands. Leave me alone. Go eff with the chick with sheer, shiny, barely there things on posed like a tripod. Seems like she wants that kinda attention.
Another reason why I don’t like going to the club. Passing through the crowd I’ve had dudes grab my ass. Hardly ever do I find out who it actually was.
But if I “accidently” spill my drink on you, I’m wrong.
Bottom line keep your hands to yourself.
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Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 11:00 am
co-sign from top to bottom of this post. top.to.bottom.
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Nick@Nite Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
aww.. girl.. you know you LOVE down here when Memorial Day comes around..
*sigh*
iCant..
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Normally I’d agree w/ you Q, but American men take it too far. Actually, I should say, men in America take it too far. I’d venture to say about roughly half of all attendees to this parade have migrated to the states from their native Caribbean homes, and know damn well that if they jump the barricade and started whining on some random woman back where they are from, said woman’s boyfriend will probably shoot them shortly thereafter. Sh*t, back home all that wildin’ out in the streets by patrons of the parade is reserved until the last few floats w/ the big bands are coming down. Probably doesnt sound as festive as what pops off in BK, but there are enough j’ouverts and tramps* in the days leading up to the parade, where you can have fun attempting to whine up and random women. Probably not a coincidence that many of these events end up being stopped by police because of a fight or shooting. If you catch someone dancing up on a woman and she reciprocates, chances are they are somewhat familiar with each other and there will be no shootings as a result.
I understand there’s a bunch of skin exposed that you aren’t used to normally seeing, but this isn’t 40/40, it’s a God damned parade in 90 degree heat. Cats need to act like they got some damn sense and not act like this is the first time they’ve seen a woman scantily clad. I’m not saying not to have fun and wild out, but don’t spoil a beautiful thing by acting a fool. If you wanna wuk up on multiple women on the parkway, either bring a crew of chicks you know with you, or wait til you see someone you actually are familiar with to whine up on. If grabbing randomly at women doesn’t work in the club, chances are it ain’t rocking on the pkwy.
*A tramp is like a mini-parade. A band will put the word out that they’ll be tramping through a certain neighborhood or area of the island, usually @ sunrise or sunset. Sounds a lot like j’ouvert morning, but the only difference is, tramps don’t happen on j’ouvert morning. After all, there’s only one j’ouvert morning.
UMB Soldiers stand up!! (youtube ‘em if you’re curious)
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BP Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
“Cats need to act like they got some damn sense and not act like this is the first time they’ve seen a woman scantily clad. I’m not saying not to have fun and wild out, but don’t spoil a beautiful thing by acting a fool.”
I came back just to say THANK YOU!
Ironically, I’ve been told that caribbean men are major freaks. I guess they just know how to keep their hands to themselves when I go home.
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 1:01 pm
And they also know that you probably have a cousin(s) or brother(s) that likes nothing better than whipping some ass at the drop of a hat.
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Yaz Reply:
September 19th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
ok..you’re either from here, you lived here, or come here for visits..kick ass. lol J’ouvert isn’t what it used to be though. Carnival kind of died imo.
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@ Something Special – I’m sorry you don’t play mas anymore. I played with Ramajay and I had the best time since I have been playing.
I understand why alot of you don’t go but before I started playing mas on Labor Day I would go early to the parade, find my spot, and not move till it was time for me to go. That way I avoided the pusing and the crowds. Trying to walk around at the parade makes me want to fight because I don’t like being pushed around and people are ALWAYS rude.
To answer your question I think women should be able to wear what they want. I don’t understand why men can’t use some self control. Don’t blame women because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself. You are in control of your own mind and body.
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I guess its too much to ask for grown adults that learned as children to keep their hands to themselves to do so. because of how someone is dressed its an excuse to be a savage? look yes, you have eyes but touching? not with it.
never been to a caribbean parade, I’m pretty modest in my attire anyway, but in a club or on the street–don’t touch me. I don’t f*ckin care who you are or where you come from.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 10:30 am
There’s that foul mouth you were talking about.haha.
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Last time I went home back in ’08 I walked around the Cayes in just my 2 piecess day after day nonchalantly. When night fell was the only time I would really try to cover up. No problem.
I wore one of those same 2 pieces WITH a wrap around my waist to the carribbean festival here in the states and I was disrespected by n*ggas trying to grope me. Sadly, I had to get my man to walk around with me everywhere.
I may get some flack for this but I think some men here in the states are overly sexualized.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 5:29 pm
I was with you until you mentioned a man. **moves along looking for next single commenter**
Just kidding. Yeah, it seems like dudes here might just be a tad hyper-sexual.
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Keep your muthaphuckin’ hands to yo’ muthapuckin’ self. Period. Me wearing a skirt, shorts, swimsuit, etc. is not an invitation for you to touch me. You wanna know how a man can provoke a woman to violence? This is #1 on the list.
And we all know women are harrassed daily just for being women. We could dress like nuns, and there will still be some men who get out of pocket just because that is what’s expected of those men. How about we raise our expectations of what’s appropriate behavior for men when addressing women, scantilly clad or not.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 11:18 am
I got a little too excited trying to channel my inner Bernie…
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SaneN85 Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 11:44 am
Cosign all up and through here.
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Satya Reply:
September 9th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
I agree! St. NIA!!!
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THe Labor Day Parade is a great event in NYC.. if youra guy.
Women def get harassed, but where do women NOT get harassed? Feel me?
I took a break this year,. Caribana was enough. I truly must be hyped to hit the parade nowadays.
Kind of agree with your point. Esp for women whove bEEN to Eastern PKWY and continue to dress a certain way. At the same time, even fully clothed women would get snatched up.
That shyt dpont go down in the Haitian float though. Too bust fighting for survival and walkin in Kompa Syncopation to avoid the trample.
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I used to love the parade. In HS my girls and I would always go. Until junior year when we were out right molested. We all had on jeans and t-shirts (full t-shirts that covered from neck to the top of the zipper of our jeans. This group of 20 something yr old guys sauntered by us and felt up our breasts and azzes like we were in a back alley. Onlookers did absolutely NOTHING. Even the ones that had commented a few minutes before that we were still wet behind the ears.
I used to fun so much fun and a beautiful thing. Since the molestation I have NO love for the parade.
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Damn man. It saddens me to hear so many women cosign with the foolish behavior. I know this is how things ARE, but it is not how they SHOULD BE.
I’m not with having your lady bits exorbitantly on display, but NOBODY has the right to grope you, touch you, etc. without your permission. I don’t care if you are damn near naked.
Part of the problem is some chicks allow inappropriate behavior that gets dudes expecting to be able to treat the womens’ bodies like public property. A bigger part of the problem is that dudes have absolutely no interest in changing the status quo. They want to be able to grope and grab women, because hey it’s not like they are equally human or that men are responsible for regulating their sexual desires and actions. And those who don’t grope and grab want to be able to watch others do it and then talk about the [insert perjorative] women that had to expect being treated like a piece of meat.
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As an Island Gal who is actually residing on an island for right now, I can say that men can be lascivious but I have NEVER experienced what I did when in the States. SHEESH, men felt that it was their right to run their durti hands thu mi hair. Look I know it’s pretty and all and mine but hOW DARE YE yank it to see if it’s real or whatever twisted fantasy running through your mind. Who THE HECK ARE YOU?! I’ve had my hair pulled, wandering hands, them firmly clasping my hips and trying to wander even lower when dancing. I’m like…mmm..yall certainly are BOLD!! DC was on a whole nother level when I walked down streets and men holler (I’m used to that- that’s islands style) But let me ignore these negros and I got called all types of unsavory names. I perfected my side-eye and hair flip to the maximum bc I will make sure that you know you aren’t that important if you dare address me that way.
I really would like to understand why the black population in the US are so bent on touching the merchandise. And like some said women can walk near naked on Carnival days, you might see your boss dancing in a thong, but in real life most islanders are more conservative. You always have the deviants but yea…the game is about looking good not exposing everything you got on a daily basis.
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I went. I enjoyed the food and the sights… But beyond that, what else is supposed to happen. That’s the part I miss about these events… Its always like… What’s next, lol!
Additionally… I think there should be some national protocol about approaching women dressed in various ways… There are some women whop enjoy being pulled and tapped. Perhaps they should wear a necklace or hat to distinguish themselves.
LOL.
Amma
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I was there too this year and I was absolutely amazed by the amount of nudity (This year was my first time.) Especially the children being exposed to these things.
Raunchy days await. lol
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Haha I remember when I came to America to live and I wore a low cut blouse, with my ample bosom ha! my family didn’t even look twice, but the people in Walmart? pssh! this one old white lady looked at my chest and started choking!! I swear it was the funniest thing ever but then you had the rape-ish looking men, that looked like they were waiting for any opportunity to kidnap me and bury me under their house o_O.
I do often have that complaint that I can’t wear what I would normally wear in Jamaica and yes I know, respect where you are, but it still sucks, especially down here in the conservative south, which is super hypocritical.
Can’t wait for tomorrow so I can EFF Atlanta!!
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