Visit Our Store!
Space Invaders
And these guys only move side to side.
I was partying with my dude Miami Vice, celebrating his birthday at some lounge in the area and I was a magnet. Unfortunately not the kind I was hoping to be. Throughout the whole night, I was attracting the most uncoordinated dancers in the world. Male and female. They had no control of their limbs, weight or balance. One way or another they ended up grazing, bumping or latching onto some part of my body or my drink. I felt like Eddie Murphy in the “Golden Child” trying not to spill the water. Except it was fire water. And with my Absolut Citron and tonic at $8 a pop, I wanted to enjoy every damn citrus tasting drop. Instead of feeling this cool, refreshing drink, the hardwood floors were getting more of my drink than me. After quelling my bouts of anger, gently grabbing women by their lower backs and shoulders and almost snatching up some highly uncoordinated White guy, I wondered – why can’t some people just dance in their area?
It wasn’t a packed lounge. It could’ve been much worse. People weren’t moving around too much, folks stayed in their cliques of 3 – 10 folks and had fun in their areas. There was enough room for everyone to dance excitedly, post up or do their two step. So how is it possible that I can be in a club that’s almost full of Black and Hispanic people and not get bumped into more than once, but when I’m here with a diverse crowd I feel like I’m in a game of human pinball. Or body bumper car. And not the kind I throughly enjoy. In any case, I turned lemons into some slices for another vodka cocktail and chilled like a bird watcher spotting all the different types of Space Invaders.
1. The Push It To The Limit Girl
No matter how much space I gave her, no matter how far I walked away, she always ended up backing up into me and grinding on my back. W T F?! Really homie? I understood the first time, there were only a few inches between your dance circle and myself. Pause. So I gave you a couple feet to do your graceless, Ellen from Seinfeld like dance to Biggie’s “Hypnotized.” Yet you still found your way to my shoulder blades like a moth to a flame. Homie, just because I gave you two more feet to work with doesn’t mean you need to use them. You violate the neutral zone more than Israel and Palestine.
2. The Wet Noodle
My dude, I can respect that you’re dancing with a young lady. However that is not a pass to do whatever you want. You must still retain some sort of balance and constraint. I’m sure she doesn’t appreciate that you’re wavering on the brink of falling over and busting her pretty little head open. Gravity isn’t your friend. Stop testing him. And neither am I as you’ll come to see shortly. I will gracefully step to the side and sip on the drink you made me spill several times as you and your new friend tip over and slam onto the floor. I may even use your misfortune as a conversation starter to pull some PYT and dance with her. The ultimate irony.
3. The Overexcited Cougar
It’s still on my plan to bag one of these amazing predators, but on this particular night I really just wanted to party with my boy and some women that were our age. Well, around my age. Contrary to my plans, Mr. Vice and I ended up falling in with a group of older women who were down to party. I went with the flow because I was down too, but not that hard. I let my man rock out because it was his birthday and fell back to make eyes with a nice young wildcat who was looking my way. Instead my new cougar friend decided to keep dancing right next to me and then front of me in turn blocking our eye contact. Lady, you’ve been in the game long enough to know when a dude isn’t interested like that. C’mon miss, you had your shot and you’re a vet in game. I respect that, but let the freshman play for a few minutes in the 4th Quarter. She’s earned it.
There were plenty more, but I’m getting long with the word count. So tell me folks, you spot any Space Invaders at the local watering hole lately? Please let me know so I can add them to my catalogue.
Seattle – And to the Left You’ll See a Pack of Overexcited Sorority Girls – Washington
RSS & Twitter
-
There always seem to be a girl from a particular sorority who gets in my face and expects me to show her attention because she is in a particular sorority and I am in a particular fraternity
Reply
RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 9:36 am
I HATE THOSE!!!!!!!!!!!! They’re all like “hey bro” and I have to be all like “hey…you…”, and then they’re all like “where’d u pledge” and i’m all like “it’s a single letter, ask about me” Then rudely walk away.
Where are those girls with the pearls at?
Reply
Peyso will kuffi smack you Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 9:46 am
i went through a brief phase as a neo when i didnt speak to anyone unless they were single letter.
Reply
RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Yea, keep it up…gotta love that single letter ish. More than two letters and your chapter doesnt even really exist to me. But let’s keep it down, we might piss off the “multiples”.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 9:56 am
Good thing you said sumthin Mr. Steele. The blog police were on the way.lol.
Reply
The only type of SI I have run across is the Invisible Man. You are dancing with your friends and all of a sudden you feel someone give dancing/grinding (hard)behind you. You turn around to give them the WTF? eye but no one is there.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 10:34 am
LMAO…the hit & run.
Reply
ROFL! Yes! If I am wiggling like a snake when my jam comes on but stop cold when I sense your presence, walk on by! That is the WORST kind of space invader, the “I don’t give a damn” kind.
Reply
As a female the worst kind of space invader for me is the drunk female in the club that starts dancing all nasty directly in front or behind me…. umm excuse me miss, im a girly girl please dont grind on me!
Reply
I went to a lounge/club on U Street in DC on Friday and was dancing with my girl (from now on, I only go out with 1-2 girls … the big groups, not the business). As we are dancing this guy walks up behind me and lifts both of my hands in the air. I was holding my drink and he makes me spill it all over the girls standing next to me. I stop dancing, start yelling and cursing and then some one (a guy) makes him back off. He was the worst SI that I have ever encountered. The Overzealous SI.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 10:33 am
“I went to a lounge/club on U Street in DC on Friday and was dancing with my girl (from now on, I only go out with 1-2 girls … the big groups, not the business).”
Yes! This is ALWAYS my strategy. If you only bring 1-2 chicks with ya, there’s less possibility of P-blocking. It’s less intimidating for the guys trying to holler. It’s easier to go on your own because if you’re with 5 or 6 people, at least one of them will try to follow you.
Reply
Cafe7202 Reply:
January 18th, 2011 at 2:24 pm
I thought I was the only person this happened to. One minute I’m gettin’ my groove on, having a good time. The next minute I look like I’m trying to flag down a plane for landing…with a surprised look on my face.
I get mad just thinking about it.
Reply
Oh, the wet noodle. Reminds me of this Screech looka boy. I’ll call him the White Wet Noodle.
See, when I’m in the club, I dance. I mean hardly-sit-my-silly-ass down dance. The only time I stop is to sip on some cranberry and vodka to “re-energize”. So, I’m bound to attract every dancing ninja in there, even if the dancing isn’t so much…dancing. So I’m jukin’ and I catch this 2520 mofo with TWO drinks (one in each hand) doing the white man’s overbite and whatnot lookin’ LOST. So, I decide to be nice and dance with him..you know, puttin’ it on him. So he practically starts having a seizure, spilling his two drinks on my arms and slurring, “Thaaaanks for letting me feeeeel incluuuuuuded”..I just nod
wondering how I always end up as the Save the Last Dance prototypeand go ahead with the dance. Luckily, I’m having too much fun to care about the drinks*. I couldn’t help but laugh. What a doof.*As long as he didn’t get it in my hair, I’m all good.
Reply
Seattle Washington Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 10:59 am
“*As long as he didn’t get it in my hair, I’m all good.”
That’s usually the deal.
Reply
Black & Trapped in Toronto Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Yes Girl! Can’t go to the club and hold up the wall- not my style either.
Love this:
“So, I decide to be nice and dance with him..you know, puttin’ it on him. So he practically starts having a seizure, spilling his two drinks on my arms and slurring, “Thaaaanks for letting me feeeeel incluuuuuuded”
Charity work, girl, charity work…I applaud you..
But c’mon yall let’s be honest dem white boys/girls really do know how to party…
Just don’t step on my shoes! & keep the drinks coming…yea GM on the rocks..You heard me!!!
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
“Yes Girl! Can’t go to the club and hold up the wall- not my style either.”
Exactly. I love to dance so the club is my heaven…well, it would be if not for ninjas described above and their ilk.
“Charity work, girl, charity work…I applaud you..”
Thank you, Ma’am! Wish I could write that lame off on my taxes.
And YES, 2520s DO know how to party. Can’t knock ‘em on that at all.
Reply
Triple Threat Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
“Thaaaanks for letting me feeeeel incluuuuuuded”
ROTFLMAO! I guess I should the 2520s a chance…
Reply
The worst space invaders are the greeks that seem to forget that the club is not a campus party and insist on doing mini strolls around you. Unfortunate to say, Q’s are the most egregious when it comes to this, but nonetheless, still very annoying.
Reply
Forceful Sandwich
By far, my least favorite SI is the Forceful Sandwich. It usually happens when your date takes a break or your friends go to the bar to get a drink. You are dancing, enjoying the extra space you get until your friends come back, and two people (who came together) decide that you are lonely. They invite themselves over. One gets in front and one gets behind. The one behind places his or her hands on the shoulders of the person now in front of you, and the person in front holds your thighs (or if they are really talented they grab the person behind you) as they grind on you. You are trapped in a sandwich of pure violation! White girls have a particularly bad habit of doing this to both guys and girls.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Forceful Sandwich…
Sounds like a creative group sex maneuver.
Reply
The EZ Pass
This is the man who dances with one girl in the circle and then thinks he’s smooth enough to dance with everyone in the crew. It’s not a train, pick one of us and stay there, you can’t just glide around like a hovercraft.
The Screwdriver
Hey buddy! We’re dancing, not having passionate sex to some Donell Jones in the privacy of my apartment, so do me a favor and stop driving your magic stick in to my tail (pause) bone.
The Reacher
This is the girl who’s making a baby with homie in the corner and since she can’t support all her weight on her own two feet, she reaches out to you to hold on for support. Look thunder thighs, I’m about to abruptly let go in the middle of your twork and embarrass your whole life so I suggest your find a wall ASAP.
Great to be back, def kept up with the readers & writers so I’m just going to spring back in the game.
Reply
Peyso will kuffi smack you Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am
MY ORIGINAL E-BOO. Where have you been?
Reply
Southern Belle Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Hi e-baby, work took over my life but I’m here now! Let’s get right back to it.
Reply
Slim Jackson Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I must say. I did notice you had vanished.lol.
Reply
Southern Belle Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Lol, mybad Slim, I understand if I’m on probationary status at ThreeWays for being a flake. I’ll tread lightly until I earn my spot back.
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Southern Belle! Girl, welcome back! You were missed muchly!
“This is the man who dances with one girl in the circle and then thinks he’s smooth enough to dance with everyone in the crew. It’s not a train, pick one of us and stay there, you can’t just glide around like a hovercraft.”
Haha! I’m actually guilty of perpetuating this one. Usually when I don’t wanna dance with a ninja no more (I’m not feelin’ him OR his moves…or just wanna move it to the next one), I take him by the hand and pass him to my girl next to me if she’s not dancing with anyone.
Reply
Raqi Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I, too, am guilty of perpetrating this act. It is effective, although incredibly unsisterly.
Reply
The Clueless Curry Goat
This offender is usually a male (hopefully).
When I first moved here, I went out with a couple of girls to this club for some chick’s Bday. And the party was POPPIN’! Good looking people, good selecta, nice crowd. But around 1am these girls wanted to bounce, and I opted to stay (yes, alone) since I lived 10 min away anyways. Sometime or another I caught the attention of a strange lookin Coolie dude (I mean no offense using this term) who was tryin to give me some sort of sexy eyes and let me know it was his Birthday – without prompting. Next thing I know, everywhere I go, this dude is right behind me (ie. he notices I am not with the Flock), giving me that same eye. And I must mention, he smelled like straight Coolie Curry stew! I’m talkin breath, clothes, hair (each time, he seemed to get closer and closer). I was mortified! Do we not shower/bathe/use cologne before we hit a sexy event (on your Birthday, no less!) anymore? Curry is a STRONG spice! Close your closet & room doors when it is being prepared, and brush your mouth after eating it- Please!
Reply
RightCoastLexSteele, Ego Central Reply:
March 24th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
LOL…I was about to say…coolie is highly racist.
Reply
I know! Sadly, I just learned this upon moving. For some reason, this term is widely used back home…Ignorance is bliss I guess.
Reply