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Spare the Rod or Whoop that Ass?
Momma nooo!
A lot of my family, including my mom, say I was spoiled when I was younger. My dad didn’t think so and I didn’t think so either. I still don’t think so, but I guess there is a lot to be disputed. Anyway, I was quite the mischievous lad. I did pretty much everything imaginable short of killing small animals. Then again, if I killed small animals I probably wouldn’t be blogging because I’d be locked up somewhere. That aside, I got in a lot of trouble in elementary school. I probably ended up in the principal’s office damn near 40 times between 1st and 6th grade. I got great report cards and bad progress reports. Why? Because I acted a fool in class once I finished my work. As a result, my parents had to discipline me sometimes. Well, I got yelled at and grounded here and there.
Let me stop playing. I got a few whoopings and back-hands for partaking in foolishness on numerous occasions. As I was thinking about the shalackings, I laughed a bit. Of the 10 whoopings I got in life, there was only 1 occurrence where I didn’t attempt to evade the leather. I can remember seeing the belt come out and then I’d make a mad dash for the closet and proceed to hold the door from the inside. I can remember getting whooped in the street and sprinting home to hide from Pops. I can remember hearing the buckle clang and then diving under the bed and moving with it as my dad or mom tried to move it. It was like a roach scurrying when the light comes on. Little did I know the more tired I made them, the greater the ultimate pain and suffering was once I got caught. If the whooping didn’t get finished then, it got finished when I got in bed and thought everything was sweet.
I was at church this weekend and one of the sermons was on disciplining kids. The pastor cited a few verses saying don’t spare the rod if you love your child, because they’ll never learn the error of their ways if you don’t correct them early. He then read some other information that pretty much said “beat yo’ kids.” A few of the folks holding crying babies or not quieting their reckless 3-year olds put their heads down. I think I even heard a few sighs in the room. At this point, I was supporting the message but then I started wondering. I was like damn, do people still really beat their kids like that nowadays? We got Child and Social Services running around crazy rounding up children as soon as they hear about anything. All a parent needs is for Lil’ Jimmy to go to school, look discouraged, and draw some artwork with sad faces that indicate some type of pain or at-home-unhappiness. Within a day, there will be a call or a visit by some type of authority figure.
And from my conversations with much older folks, long gone are the days when someone could whoop or slap a kid that wasn’t theirs. I still hear about the Grandma’s opening up a can on that a$$, but very little about neighbors or even some other family members being able to layeth the smack down without actually being the guardian of the child. Had I slapped this racially ambiguous kid at church that said the N-word this past weekend, I would have been tossed out the building Jazzy Jeff style and the mom probably would have clawed my eyes out. For that matter, even the police may have been called. That’s just the way it is nowadays. Even old homie who slapped someone’s kid on the train paid the price for probably being a “good citizen.” I guess it’s just the era we live in. Don’t get it twisted though. I will beat my kids with a paddle if they act up. Daddy ain’t trying to have to go to the school because Slim Jr. threw a crayon and hit a student in the eye. Been there. Done that. Twice.
What do you think about beating children for misbehaving nowadays? Is it something you plan to do, or do you not believe in it? Do you think it actually works to go about it either way? Were you whooped as a child? What was your parent’s/guardian’s tool of choice? Do you really think it made you a better person, or did you just become a more covert little monster? Tell us your most entertaining whooping story if you have one. Chances are you do.
Corporally¹ Punished Occasionally,
¹I know “corporally” isn’t a word. It just worked okay? It just worked!
80 Responses to “Spare the Rod or Whoop that Ass?”
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Hell yeah I plan to beat my children if they step out of line. You Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Children need discipline. In fact, I believe they yearn for it, which is why the more spoiled a child is, the more likely he will act crazy… often. Children need to be taught what is right and what is wrong. Think of it like Pavlov’s dogs. If your child learns early on that certain behaviors will result in an unpleasant experience, said child will begin to think twice about acting out… ‘cuz Mama is crazy.
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Reecie Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I was definitely spoiled and I never acted crazy. But I see your point. spoiled doesn’t have to mean you do whatever you want…my mom was strict enough that I learned the lessons.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:08 am
yep. your mother was strict and that may have been all the discipline you needed.
I’m talking about that child running around the grocery store, bumping into people, acting a plum fool, and still getting the chips, soda, and cookies he wants. You konw, the kids whose parents say “if you stop running, I’ll buy you some candy?”
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Reecie Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:20 am
oh they are brats. there’s a difference. I’d yank a kid up in a minute for “embarrassing me in public”. clearly this is why I’m not yet a parent. lol
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Oh I remember the good ‘ol days lol. I was spanked a little when i was younger too. I was a little stubborn and being the last child, a tad spoilt too. Its funny though, my most memorable whooping wasn’t from my parents, it was in school – where i grew up, that was allowed lol.
I think that is what is missing in this society today, people are so quick to call CPS, People or govt shouldn’t dictate how you choose to punish your child, you should punish them how u see fit. A little whooping here and there never hurt anyone. I believe it made me who I am presently
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I tried to post a response earlier, but it failed.
I remember getting one beating from my dad at age 13. My mothers family does not believe in hitting their children, which is why my aunts and uncles take multiple trips to the police precincts! My dad told me to be home at 6pm, and I didn’t show up until midnight. I was out with my friends and our boyfriends. My parents were scared to death…me being the only child at that time and everything, so they took it out on poor me. I ran to the bathroom when I saw the belt, and closed the door. Bad choice, I should’ve just gotten it over with. At around 5AM, my dad was banging on the broom door. There was only one bathroom in our house and I had no choice. I had slept in the tub that morning, and woke up to a beating..
I’m an early childhood educator, and I know that kids get beat. However, I’m also a mandated reporter, so when my students that are in Pre-K tell me that they got a beating, I have to report it. I have to inspect my kids on a daily basis. I tell parents all the time, we live a society where everyone is aware of the fact that we have bada** kids, but it is tolerated. Children under the age of 7 are considered victims when they get beat<<—#fact, they are not really considered responsible for their actions. I don't like the idea of beating kids, but I do believe in discipline. Half of the isht that children do result from the actions of their parents….<<—- so says the teacher…
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CHeeKZ Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
i am sorry…
but you earned that beating.
13 year old.. out till Midnight!
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Ms.Lotus Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Sooo late, but I did deserve it..but damn, everyone was out that late on the weekends @ 13–in my neighborhood..
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Either you beat their azz or the system will. Kids need to be disciplined. Don’t be abusive and don’t hit them just to be hitting them; but in some cases a whooping is needed. It didn’t hurt us all. Most of us turned out okay (well some of us anyway…smile)
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miss t-lee Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:36 am
Completely agree.
I know a few bad azzes right now that would benefit from an azz kickin’. Of course, I can’t touch them, I’m not trying to go to jail…lol
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You know, I watch Jo the Supernanny go into folks homes and tell parents to put their children in timeouts, one minute for each year of their age, don’t yell, don’t put your hands on them…yada yadda yada.
I think that works in a fairytale world, or at least the world behind ABC’s cameras. My worst fear is birthing a child who has no good sense and becomes a menace to me and/or society. So you can believe my hypothetical kids will get snatched up and backhanded when they need it. Most of us in the adult world remember getting a whoopin’ (via belt, switch, hand or other accessory) and have grown up to be perfectly stable contributing members of society. It’s a part of life.
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Ms.Lotus Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:37 am
Supernanny is a joke. They provoke those kids to make them act up on tv.
“My worst fear is birthing a child who has no good sense and becomes a menace to me and/or society”<<~~~Your kid will learn from you…set a solid foundation and you'll be straight..
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I’m not totally against spankings, but I am not totally convinced they work all the time. I was extremely well behaved as a child. While my brothers would be acting a fool, I would always behave well, especially in public. Note, in public my brothers definitely would tone it down, but they were definitely more unruly than I was.
The only times I got hit were the few times I mouthed off to my mother and honestly hitting me did not do anything. I would tell my mother, “you’re only hitting me because you’re mad and you know that I’m right.” I would proceed to tell her that she could beat me, but she would never be able to change my mind. And it was rude as he**, but I was right, she couldn’t.
Now I do believe that people have to discipline their children no matter what the age. This may or may not mean spanking, but I hate seeing bad a** kids and their stupid parents who either just let them run wild or only sporadically discipline them. If most times you let little Johnny cut a fool, don’t be surprised when you see him actin’ a fool when you go to the grocery store. I think it’s a real problem when I see kids acting up in public. I’m one of the people who gives the parents dirty looks. I don’t care, if you don’t want to be embarrassed, train your friggin kids!
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CHeeKZ Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
I smell you, Remi.
i was an excellent child. However, I became hard to deal with after I recovered from this illness (long story). I was never bad, just slightly forgetful. And I didn’t want to do anything they told me, choirs, errands, traditional haitian stuff (like praying or kissing my smelly grandmother). I was always right, they would only hit me or yell at me b/c they weren’t smart enough to argue with me or make a decent point. They lost their temper and reacted off emotion. Its really bad parenting.
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I absolutely believe in beating children; although I’m literally the only Black person I know who never got a beating growing up. Not because I was so well-behaved but because my parents were yellers, which to me is a million times worse. From what I hear, the details of beatings fade as we age, whereas I can remember in vivid detail the things my mother would say to me when she was mad – she’s on of those people that will just say anything when she’s upset no matter how mean it is. I think that messed me up far more than a few beat-downs would have.
Ultimately though I believe in discipline, period. The problem with parents today is that they not only don’t beat their kids, they don’t punish them at all. They want to reason with them, they want to explain things and have rational discussions about why it’s not okay to put your little brother’s head in the toilet. It’s ridiculous and I think it does the children a disservice. Like Confessions of a Single Black Woman said, if we don’t beat the kids – whether literally or figuratively – the system will.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:15 am
Yeah Max, you are now the only Black person I know who didn’t get a beating growing up. Now I just need to meet a Black person from North or South Dakota.lol.
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Satya Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 12:23 am
I never got a beating. I used to get popped with the comb or brush for moving when my mom was doing my “hur”. ok and 1 time i got downright sassy n she popped me in the head
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Anna Nimous Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:23 am
I feel you on this, my mom is the same way. I’ll take a beating over a yelling any day.
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I’m west indian – I’d get beatings for no reason. Every once in a while, my parents would decide I must’ve done something recently and a beating was warranted “just in case”. I was a pretty good kid, so I hardly got “maintenance beatings”. My bad ass cousins got it a lot worse. Now, my little siblings get away with murder compared to the fear we used to live in. They’re incredibly good kids still, and my parents have mellowed out. Beating is just a small part of child raising, the part that’s supposed to get through to little people that don’t understand logic or reason yet. Beyond that, it just becomes a negative form of parental stress release – which is frowned upon in today’s world.
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Destined for Greatness Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:17 am
“I’m west indian – I’d get beatings for no reason.”
CHUUUUUUUCH! My mother still threatens to smack me from time to time…no reason.
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As soon as my son is old enough to know what’s what, he’s getting in the cut. And it won’t be on a day he does something. It’ll be a random day…maybe after coming back from the park or eating ice cream or something. Just so he knows Papa don’t take no mess.
My daughter(s) might be spoiled rotten though. That is until I teach Mrs. Steele how to swing ye olde paddle.
Swingin’ 2nd D in the buildin’.
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Shawn Smith Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:44 am
As soon as my son is old enough to know what’s what, he’s getting in the cut.
Dead. Just dead.
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“We got Child and Social Services running around crazy rounding up children as soon as they hear about anything”
As a CPS social worker, let me just clarify that we don’t just go out looking for children to “round up” if they’ve been occasionally spanked for acting inappropriately. Considering the child’s age, what type of behavior they were displaying, if they were verbally warned before physically disciplined, & the type of corporal punishment used is all taken into consideration. Crackin your 2 year old across the head as they reached for a candy bar at the store is a lot different than spanking your 5 year old for spitting at his sister after he was told not to, obviously. Children do NOT get taken away from their parents for getting a spanking once in a while. & if you think you know of a case where that happened, there was something deeper going on, trust. CPS has bigger issues to handle.
“Within a day, there will be a call or a visit by some type of authority figure.”
On the flip side, the second something extreme does happen to a child, CPS workers are the first ones to get fingers pointed at for not doing anything sooner. While most cases end up being unsubstantiated, AKA you spanked your child within good reason, there are those cases where children actually are being physically abused on a daily basis for no good reason & need to be removed from the home. We’re just doing our job folks. & we don’t know the full situation until we make a phone call or a visit to the house. I know I took this in another direction but I had to defend my profession!
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Destined for Greatness Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:26 am
Sooooo….theoretically speaking…how much would it cost to make one of you folks go away?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:28 am
I appreciate the clarification and the comment. Can’t remember if I’ve seen this name before, so if not, welcome! I wasn’t knocking the CPS profession, just saying things are a lot different nowadays and people are overall a lot more sensitive. I respect ya hustle.
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KayLiz Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:36 am
I’ve been reading for a while.. I’m one of those people who never comments lol. I figured this would be a good topic to start on.
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Destined for Greatness Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:28 am
I’m not knocking you guys either. I’m just really interested to know what the rates are for paying people in your deparment to look the other way.
“The more you know!”
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Destined for Greatness Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 11:31 am
Soooooo….no price huh?
Guess Ted DiBiase was wrong…
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Some people whoop their child without disciplining them. If you tell them what they did wrong before AND after the whooping, maybe they’d think again before acting out. Keep in mind that some parents let things go when their child does something bad for the first time. Kids aren’t stupid. If you let them get away with it once, they’ll do it again. That’s why you nip it in the bud the first time it happens.
I have never been grounded or never gotten a whooping when I was younger. Maybe a slap on the mouth here and there. I was the baby so, that explains a lot. Haha.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:37 am
Hmm, do girls get less whoopings in general?
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BourgieBama Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:51 am
Heck NO, girls don’t get less whoopings. I can remember MANY, MANY whoopings. Some for things I did and most for things my sister did. It was usually a two for one deal, one get a whooping then both of us got one. =(
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I’m spanking mine. notice I said spank, not beat. I don’t believe in beating/fighting/physically abusing kids but if a kid (well teenager) comes at me like they’re grown they might get the smackdown like a grown up…
I was a good child, and I got a few spankings for being bad a few times, but mostly I got popped in the mouth because I talked too much and too slick. lol. Somewhere around the adolescent years. I probably didn’t get a spanking passed age 10? 12? I don’t remember. I’m hoping my children will be as mild tempered as I was, but I do realize that certain methods work on certain kids and I’m sure my future husband and I will tailor our discipline methods to be effective for each child.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 9:52 am
I was spanked a few times when I was younger, but all I can really remember is being popped in the mouth as a teenager. My mom had quick right hand. I wouldn’t even see it coming. lol
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miss t-lee Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Your mom too?
I got hit a few times and didn’t even know I had gotten hit until the pain set in, she was that fast!
*snickering*
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Reecie Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:22 am
oh I was conditioned to jump back as soon as words flew out my mouth–I knew when I said something smack worthy. smh. I never saw it coming but I would just brace for it anyway…
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Ms.Lotus Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 10:14 am
I concur with this spank idea..
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Thank you!!
“I can remember in vivid detail the things my mother would say to me when she was mad – she’s on of those people that will just say anything when she’s upset no matter how mean it is. I think that messed me up far more than a few beat-downs would have.”-Max
I am right there with you! I think if you check your children the minute they are able to stand up and walk, you will not have to resort to extreme measures later on. I’m on the fence about spankings…I didn’t like how I was “spanked” growing up and I don’t see myself being that way with my children. I guess to each it’s own…but a child should be spanked not beaten like an adult.
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I’m beatin’ the sh*t out of my kids…
Too far?
Ok, no seriously. The key to making whoopings work is your kids knowing why you’re doing it. Fear is cool and all, but that mess can turn around on you. And I’m not talking about that hit/talk combo (you know, the stilted “I-told-you-to-stop-being-stupid” done to the beat of your beatin’)
I know a couple that, when their boys were younger, had a way of disciplining I found interesting. If, for example, the mother found one of the boys doing something wrong, it was the dad who gave the whooping and vice versa. I know my mama took about 3 extra licks every time just out of sheer anger.
Some kids don’t need it — others do. I don’t know why the rest of the world has to suffer cause some bad a** kid didn’t get whoopin’s when they were little.
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BEAT THAT ASS!!! Yessssss!!! I didn’t get many whoopings as a child b/c I wasn’t THAT bad. I remember one whooping/beating/damn near slaying I got b/c lil sis stole gum & I didn’t snitch. (Snitch please…lol) I tried to run & Lenora(my mommy) grabbed a sista by the ankle & proceeded to finish her business while her oldest was hanging upside down. Give me chills to this day… almost 20 years later. I plan on beating (yeah I said beating) my children. Grandma can beat ‘em. Auntie can beat ‘em. The whole clan can get in that ass if they see my kids acting a fool. I don’t have time for bad children. Can’t stand bad ass kids. My mother had a stare that would make us sit down wherever we were. (had to protect that behind…lol) Parents now-a-days are so worried about being hated by their children. Trust your kids will dislike you but when they get to be 27, successful, no baby daddy/mama drama, etc… They’ll call you & thank you. Trust that.
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SPANK YO KIDS!!! & maybe there will be hope for this world, cuz the generation comin up right now is a hot a$$ mess.
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I spanked my daughter. I will spank her if she gets out of line until she leaves my house. *shrug* I got spanked as a child and I turned out ok. Supernanny shows an alternate way to do discipline children, but really, most of those parents on that show have NO IDEA of how to raise kids in general. And if those parents would stop trying to be a friend and be a PARENT to their kids, then they wouldn’t need Jo, IMO. *takes off Psych hat*
I am in agreement with ASmith. My daughther is one of those who falls apart at a raised voice, but when she was younger, she had to do stuff her way, which got her lil butt popped. AND an age appropriate explanation. I am Mommy, not your buddy, not your girlfriend. I am to be respected and a little feared. That’s how I look at my mother now.
And my friends and their kids all know if the chirren cut up with Auntie so and so, she WILL tear that azz up. Then tell Mom. And offer no sympathy.
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LOL, Slim, no you didn’t put “Momma noooo!” in the picture caption! Hopefully, you were hearing The Fresh Prince’s voice when typing that quote, because I was hearing it when I read it. lol
“And from my conversations with much older folks, long gone are the days when someone could whoop or slap a kid that wasn’t theirs.”
Definitely not. The elders always talk about how they had that “it takes a village to raise a child” mentality. How the whole block were more like family and if Miss Sue down the street gave you that look, you better respond to it just as you would your own mama. Of course, you’d still get your arse whooped back home for whatever Miss Sue gave you the look for. lol Nowadays, it’s more like, “I wish a nicca WOULD touch my child. That is MINES!”. Honestly, I can see where they’re coming from nowadays, but I do always wonder how much better kids would be if we adopted those tactics today. I mean, I imagine even back then, folks had to have trust in order to be okay with their neighbors chastizing their kids. Where is that trust today? Did it disappear as soon as R. Kelly pissed on a kid? Where did it go?
As for me, I was a good little girl, kept to myself and whatnot. By that same token, I was a sneaky little bish. I was more of a “meddler”…getting into things I wasn’t supposed to or not. Call me
nosycurious. And yeah, I did get whoopings. My mama did it when I was small, yet my daddy didn’t like it, allegedly. My grandma (paternal) sholl did it though. Either a belt or a ruler, Catholic nun style. Never had to get my own switch off a tree, though. I’m foreign to that one. lolOh, and I have to say, even though I am (gladly) childless at the moment, I can’t STAND to see a kid front a parent off in public. You can see it in their eyes, a lot of kids KNOW they can test their parents and get away with it. The “Big Mama” comes outta me in that moment. I mean, for real, how you gonna let your kid run you? SMDH…
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MyzDevyneOne Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:25 pm
Where is that trust today? Did it disappear as soon as R. Kelly pissed on a kid? Where did it go?
YAHTZEE!! You got it. Folks don’t trust other folks with their kids anymore. Shoot, how often does that SVU plot run where mamma left the kids with granny/auntie/boyfriend, and they wind up dead?? Shot you can’t trust yo fam, how can you trust a neighbor!!??
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Cheekie Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Yeah, sadly, that is too true.
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My Grandma used to have a paddle that said, “Never hit a child in the face, God provides a better place.” It was displayed in the den of her house, ready to be taken down and used when a kid did something reckless.
That’s right, I was in the cut way before college.
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Destined for Greatness Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Bet you didn’t tell anyone yo granny swings harder than they do though…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Knowing those guys they would’ve brought Grandma up from NYC and went head-to-head to settle it. No need for all that.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Was your grandmother a teacher? The principle and a few of the teachers at my elementary school kept paddles in the classroom for discipline. I remember being paddled once in kindergarden, and another time in the 2nd grade. LOL. I wasn’t bad, I just talked back to the teacher, trying to help her out with her job. smh…
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This was one of the very reasons I left my old job. Seeing those little bas ahem…children running around cussing my staff and their parents out was to much for me. I really believed at some point I was going to cut a switch and whoop them.
With that said I don’t believe whooping works for all children. I think that they are children with stubborn personalities and therefore may need to whoop in order for them understand thier parent’s rule. You can talk and take things from some children and then they get the message.
If I ever decide to have children I would discpline them according to thier personalities and then decide what action to take next. If they are anything like I was, there are going to need a fair amount of whoopings.
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yeah, so my children will get beat. beatings build character. *shrug* my parents (well my mom) used to beat us. it was what it was. alternatively, my parents mostly had different types of punishments for us.
one i can remember is getting on your knees and putting your arms straight up in the air for about a hour or so. or from a standing position touch the ground with your left pointing finger while holding out your right leg. talk about punishment. this type of discipline actually makes you think about what you did wrong.
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Misty Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
LMAO…Nigerian discipline.
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olivya23 Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
“one i can remember is getting on your knees and putting your arms straight up in the air for about a hour or so”
HAHAHA! I remember doing this plenty-a-times with my brother right next to me. I’m glad I can laugh about this now, not so much when I was being punished.
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Tunde Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 6:31 pm
man i remember getting in trouble for ish my brothers used to do. i never understood why i was getting in trouble when i was on my best behavior. yeah i can laugh about it now. lol
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MyzDevyneOne Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Damn, that sounds like some hazing ish from
FAMUcollege….Reply
CVal Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:33 pm
My mom put a spin on the kneeling down trick…made us walk forward on our knees with uncooked rice on the floor.
*sigh* I’m not even mad, that mess straighten me and my siblings out real quick lol
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msnnenna Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
CVal….oooo the uncooked rice on the floor is vicious… and brilliant at the same time!
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Satya Reply:
February 19th, 2010 at 12:33 am
My family uses grits lol
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msnnenna Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Tunde, I feel your pain. I remember the spankings, but the worst were the alternative positions punishments. Lord, have mercy. The touching the ground with your finger one was used on me also. The most painful position was to get in a squat position with your back straight and then lift your right ankle to rest on your left knee while holding your arms out in front of you. Also know as the “Thinker” position…smh. My thighs were are fire….
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Tunde Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
yes. that was a special one my dad used for severe punishments.
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When I have kids, I plan on spanking them if needed. There is nothing worse than having a seed of Chucky running around. However, note there is a big difference between beating and spanking. Beating is to the extreme and causes physical injury, whereas spanking is hard enough for a child to know what they did was wrong. Also every child doesn’t need to be spanked. Time out or a scolding can work for some.
I can admit I was a little demon child at times. I would spit on people, tell them to shut up, talk back, just act a fool.
My granddaddy would spank me with the “Rod of Correction,” which was usually a switch from a nearby bush. I used to break those in half and hide them, until he made me get another. My grandmother occasionally would tapped me but that didn’t last. My daddy thought I was an angel.
Then there was the punisher: my momma. That crazy lady used to sho nuff beat me with anything nearby: hand, shoe, brush, belt. The worse incident was when she was about six months pregnant with my brother. I gave her hell the entire pregnancy because I was bitter (only child syndrome). She told me to do something and I started talking back. When she came after me, I went diving under my parents’ bed. I taunted her about being pregnant while she was trying to grab me. Not a smart thing to do. I stayed hidden for a few hours and came out when I thought she was over it. Apparently pregnant women hold grudges. She was waiting for me with one of my daddy’s belt. Somehow she grabbed me, put me over one leg with that pregnant belly holding me down and beat hell out of me. I didn’t try her again for the rest of the pregnancy.
I am now glad to say despite my early evil beginnings, I turned out to be a wonderful person. Spanking can make a difference.
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I used to get the black beat off me. I’m three shades lighter than I was born. I’ve been beat by my teachers, neighbors, cousins, grandparents, play aunties….I had a smart ass mouth and learned to speak with sarcasm.
Was I born five years later, I’d probably be a crack head.
But I wasn’t and now I’m a college educated single black homeowner career woman with a great relationship with her father and a healthy respect for her mother. (I’d have gotten beaten for that run on sentence)
My father has told me he wish he knew how to discipline us differently. He wishes he never laid his hands on me. And watching my godchildren act up right after a beating and remembering how I acted right after one…I don’t think I would beat first…but smack here and there – or the threat of one – is a powerful tool…
IMHO
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
“I’ve been beat by my teachers, neighbors, cousins, grandparents, play aunties”
You must have been realllly bad.lol.
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Kady Eff Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
I had my moments
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I really have mixed emotions about this topic (great topic though). I do think kids need to get spanked on the butt when they really get out of line (ie hit others, throw tantrums, etc), but I think there’s a thin line between punishment and abuse that many people don’t know when they’ve crossed it. I was beat ALL THE DAMN TIME growing up. I was HORRIBLE. I got into mischief, talked back, ran around crazy in public places, and threw tantrums on the regular. My middle name is Terrible… Seriously. That’s my middle name (well, close enough).
But my mom used to beat me (with belts, shoes, brushes, switches, hands) for EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. There was no real difference between breaking the window, getting in a fight, talking in church, or talking back. I got beat for all that ish. By whatever was closest in reach. So it didn’t have any effect whatsoever. If anything, it made me do the worst possible trouble cuz if I was gonna get beat anyway, may as well make it count.
I think I would have gotten into a lot less trouble if my mom wasn’t completely crazy if corporal punishment was used more sparingly and appropriately. Because when I got older and couldn’t figure out why I resented my mom so much, it hit me that I had been borderline abused as a child. And 100% without a doubt abused as a teenager. And it took me a loooonnnng time to get over it and forgive her. So I wouldn’t want to do that to my kids.
::shrugs::
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Patrice Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Wow Joey! Same reason why I am on the fence about this issue…My mom, same way; and like you the resentment lingered for many many years. I’m 30 and still working on it with her…*sigh*
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Slim Jackson Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Really interesting perspective. I guess this is the point where whoopings can go wrong. I know I wouldn’t want my kids resenting me because that’s when they do the exact opposite of what you tell them.
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Nice Post Slim!
Was I beat? We are from the same family arent we? My grandma and your father are first cousins are they not? You were there at my grandmother’s funeral when I talked for 15 minutes about how she had the “left hand of correction”…was I beat? with every given opportunity! Tool of choice…whatever was closest and this included but by no means was limited to a broom, belt, spatula, shoe, book, magazine, switch and once a Nintendo remote control and cord. Did it work? where did you go to school Slim? Where did I go to school slim? what kind of lives do we live now Slim? Id say you damn right it worked! and at the end of it all, all i can do is say thank you for beating my black ass so that I knew how to act as a man and thus no cop, gang member, jail cell roomate ever had cause or opportunity to attempt to beat my black ass! Will i beat my kids….with every given opportunity! Hell Im getting plenty of practice with my sister’s boys. They know already, you get “the look” once, then you get beat down and I do mean beat down. Hell I saw my mamma smack my nephew so hard once that dude did a full 360 and fell out. He got up crying to my sister, she just looked at him and said “well, I cant help you on this one buddy”. My kids will be beaten..by me, my wife, my mamma, sisters and if you around when they acting up here is your official permission to put the WWE smack down on his ass!
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Destined for Greatness Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
And one more beating would have gotten you to right month in 1911.
#noshots…#wellmaybe
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Debonair NUPE Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
This guy here! I’ll reserve negative comment for obvious reasons…(leans over and pets the puppy on the head)
but it’s good to see that a dog still knows his place….at the heels of his master. as always, November looking ahead, trying to catch up to January…by the time you get close..we already on to the next!
#no shots…#well maybe…
I mean no disrespect …but I’m just saying…
LMAO
Love my Ques! Love my Ques!
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The Honorable Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Destined for Greatness Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
LOL…I hit Slim up on the side and was prepared for a response like this. I get bored w/ taking shots @ Tiff, and since you guys wear the exact same colors, I figured I could engage you in some sh*t talk.
It could be worse, you could be a Malik.
#yepshotsforeveryonetoday
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Debonair NUPE Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
Lawd No! Not a Mallik…or just as bad..an Iota as in I ought a go pledge a real frat!
As long as its 1911, you chose wisely.
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I plan not to spank my kids unless it comes to that…
Growing up I didn’t get spankings. There were a few occasions where my dad would catch me meddling in something and I’d get my hands thrashed with a belt (damn that ish used to hurt) but that was only when my mom wasn’t home. She and her siblings used to get beat when they were children, in excess in her opinion. My sister used to get beatings before I was born, by the time I was about 5 or 6 my mom put her foot down on the whole belt thing. Actually… I remember the one time my dad hit me in front of my mom. We were in the car on the way some where and he did something and I laughed and called him stupid. I think I was like 5. Soon as stupid left my mouth my dad backhanded me from the driver’s seat. My mom then promptly backhanded him from the front passenger seat and THAT was the last beating/spanking/whoopin I ever got.
Growing up I got punished… ALL THE TIME. I was always in trouble, mostly because of my grades. If I didn’t make the honor roll… punished, got a “C” on a progress report… punished, in trouble for talking in class… punished. I know people thing punishments don’t work, but they didn’t know my momma… she was the MASTER of punishments.
Did you have a 13th birthday? I didn’t. I’m technically only 27. My 13th birthday was cancelled. When I say cancelled… CANCELLED. I got a “D” on my progress report and my mom flipped. A week before my birthday she called it off. I was headed up to what is now my alma mater to visit my sister w/ my mom and at some point during the drive she turns around in the car and goes “oh, happy birthday” and then kept it movin. That was all the celebration I got. I almost didn’t have a 14th birthday for getting a PS-74 which is PGCPS lingo for written up at school. It was a big misunderstanding tho and I had my guidance counselor call my house at the 11th hour and get me off the hook. Mom felt bad so she ran out and got cake & ice cream and then called a few of my friends to come sing happy birthday. It was like 9 o’clock and we were all in pajamas.
I remember one time my mom found out I had’t been doing my spelling homework. She called my teacher, got all my back assignment, and then cleared this space at the bay window in the house and set up a desk for me. I didn’t understand why I was sitting in the window until I saw all these kids in my yard playing on swing set. All my friends and then even some lil mofos I didn’t know were having the time of their lives and she made me watch. She invited them over and told them all I was punished so no only did I have to watch them play they were taunting me and being assholes about it.
Mom’s best trick was to cry. I’m so mad I fell for that. She would like get all worked up and upset and cry and go on about how she just didn’t understand why she couldn’t get me to do XYZ and I’d feel all bad and start crying and start behaving and doing extra chores and stuff. Damn, that woman was manipulative lol!
I’m not saying I’m 100% against spanking your kids. All I know is I graduated from high school with no babies, no dead beat boyfriends, no fights, no drama, great grades, and was college bound. No hitting worked for me so I figure I can at least give it a try with my kids.
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Question: Did anyone have a “Mommy Dearest” type mother/father? Like, the type who would whoop you for silly ish like using wire hangers?
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Toni Reply:
February 18th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
I always thought getting whooped for talking back was silly ish lol. My momma was limiting my freedom of speech.
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i guess im in the minority here. i dont plan to beat my children. I think my parents hit me maybe once or twice when i was little and i can only remember one instance where my dad hit my little brother. my dad works for dcfs and sees abuse everyday, and even he says that sometimes a whoopin is needed, but the majority of the time its completely unproductive
my parents just used to explain what i did wrong, and guess what? i understood, and didn’t do it again. it’s about teaching your children how to behave, and some kids can get that without beating…honestly, its probably more than people think, but they’re so quick to run for the belt that i dont really know.
and from what ive noticed most people say that when they were young, they got hit and they kept being bad, so i dont know that it solves anything
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When my dad was little(Too young to be in school yet), his mother beat him twice to the point that he almost died. My great grandmother stepped in and told her that if she ever laid another hand on him, she would kill her with her own 2 hands. So, when my dad became a parent, he decided that there would be NO SPANKING at all. Nothing. But it was ok to threaten to beat us, just no following through. Now this worked on the 4 older than me, but given that I was the baby of the family, I sat back and watched everything happen.. older kids get into trouble, my dad threatened, nothing ever happened. So as I got older, I figured out that no matter what I did, he wouldn’t follow through with beating me. I think I was about 10 years old the last time my dad threatened to beat me with his belt. We were sitting at the dinner table and I was being mouthy(as usual), so my dad stands up and says, “do you want me to take my belt off?” sooooo, being the mouthy lil shit that I was, I said “so ahead, your pants will just fall down”. And that was the day I took control, lol. My dad just sat back down and looked at me with the realization that he has just lost the war. That night, i over-heard my parents talking about it and what they were going to do with me. My mom was wanting to beat my ass, twice and my dad was adamant that there would be no beatings happening in his house and if my mom couldn’t deal with me without hitting me, then she could leave and he would deal with me on his own.
From that day on, I did as I wanted to do. My dad would tell me to be home at 11 for curfew,so I would come home at 11 the next morning, and when he was yelling at me for not comming home, I would just say, well you didn’t specify pm or am.. so I chose one, lol.
Now, I am a parent myself. I have 2 teenage boys and a 2 yr old daughter. My son’s both got only one spanking,they got it on the same day… that was all they ever needed. They both still remember that day clearly and do not want it to happen again. I always gave them a choice. Behave or get the ass beaten. My daughter on the other hand, is going to be a different story all together. She is only 2, and already is a little smart ass. Time outs do not work with her at all, and she already has had her little butt spanked a couple times, because she refuses to listen and sometimes the point needs to be driven home that Mommy means business when she speaks.
I think every parent is different, as is every child. What works with one, may not work with another. So instead of saying, yes I will beat my child, or no I will not ever beat my child,I kinda let it go to we’ll see what happens and adjust the punishment or discipline accordingly.
And for the record… yes, I did need my ass beat lol, at least once just to put that little bit of fear into me. Im sure I wouldn’t have done half the things I did as a teenager if I was afraid of what would happen once I got home.
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MAAN. I was a tomboy, and I while my mama worked, I stayed with her best friend and her 4 boys. Needless to say, I got BEAT. A LOT. Mostly for doing stuff the boys did, and not always knowing I couldn’t (like, at 4, and all you know is lil boys, how I supposed to know I couldn’t flip my shirt off, or pee standing up?? LOL). But Miss Polly beat our butts, as did the rest of the neighborhood, and with whatever (switches, belts, houseshoes, Hot Wheels tracks, etc) was handy.
Ironically, all Miss Polly’s boys had some kinda legal trouble, while I went on to graduate, go to college and get a coupla degrees. *kanye shrug*
My mama whooped me, but she always had a reason, and didn’t just do it for EVERYTHING, which I think is the difference. Its about boundaries and discipline, which some folks think is the same thing as punishment.
Will I spank my kids? HAYLE YEAH. But with a purpose, so they have a lil fear and a lot of respect, which is missing from a lot of households these days.
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My parents definitely believed in whoopings. I was good, so I hardly ever got any. But my niece, we’re 5 years apart, she got them all the time. I think I hardly ever got into trouble because my parents were old enough and established enough for one of them to be there guiding me ALL THE TIME. So, anytime I wanted to “have some fun” with my friends the thought that my mama could be right around that corner or Ms. Such-and-such had her number was a GREAT deterrent. Also, they knew who my friends were and who my friends parents were. So, I was never around anyone that would get me in any serious trouble…
My niece was another story. She acted out all the time and would get a whooping for something almost DAILY. And so it stopped being effective. Especially since she was acting out because of the lack of attention she got from her own parents. So, I think you should try to guide your children towards the right choices, give them structure, and just be there to deter bad behavior from the get go. That’s what parenting is. And sometimes disciplinary measures will be necessary…
In those cases I’m all for whoppings for smaller children and punishments for older children (think tweens and teens). I say this because young children generally dont have the attitude that makes them fight back. As a child I knew that a whooping was a punishment, it hurt, and I better not do whatever I did again. (and it didnt hurt that my mom would explain why she was beating me WHILE she was doing it) It wasnt until I got older that its was kinda like no, mommy you arent right. And at that point a whopping teaches nothing. That’s when a punishment is most effective. But it cant be some BS punishment (no TV tonight)…take away something they really care about and replace it with something relevant to the situation or that will teach them.
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I wasn’t beat as kid but def did get popped when I got out of line. I was never that bad. I did well in school and mostly listened. I had a few moments when I felt like sassy talking and I got popped and or punishment. I believe in giving kids a good whupping. Now that doesn’t mean you beat your kid for every little thing. But for me outright defiance and disrespect warrant a beating. Ex: telling me what you will not do, calling me or any adult out of their name, continually ignoring me when I tell you what to do and showing your behind in school deserve a whupping. BTW- A whupping doesn’t mean you “beat” your kid senseless either. Take some time cool off, go for a walk, relax yourself and then administer the whupping.
Are whuppings the only form of discipline, of course not. but blatant disrespect deserves a beating. I will not tolerate a child of mine defying me or being downright disrespectful to teachers and certified adults. It is not up for negotiation! To me a whupping, lecture, and a punishment go hand in hand. I’m preparing my kids for life and as future little minority people life is going to be harder so they have to learn to think about consequences before they act.
I work with kids on the regular and kids have no fear or respect for adults. I am baffled when a parent says to me “I don’t know what to do with him/her” it irritates me. wtf should a parent be afraid of their child? Like my mom said if you call 911 or CPS you will no longer live here so you make sure you have other living arrangements. Sorry this post is long but long story short kids 4-7 and up deserve spankings 8-12 a whupping and in the teens you learn new ways to get them.
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Sorry im late on this, but kids need to get beat. Eff that!
And I feel sorry for future kids if they do wrong….. they gonna be “thinkin about it” for a very long time!
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