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The Anti-Game
My sentiments exactly.
Most men go about their lives perfecting their “game” in order to get women. Like my man Nas said, “I don’t have game, some [women] just understand my story.” And I’m a damn good storyteller. In any case, when that special day hits and a young boy starts to take interest in women, he embarks on a never-ending journey of discovery. He’ll continuously learn what to say, how to say it and, most importantly, when to say it.
It’s kind of a big deal for dudes. We watch older guys to see what works and what will get them slapped dead in the street. My personal hero is Iceberg Slim. No relation to my blog counterpart. But there are many more role models out there. Shoot, there are magazine articles, books, movies and TV shows about it. But what most forget about and few know about is the Anti-Game.
What is the Anti-Game? Well I’m glad you read along and involuntarily asked. As you get older there are some women you don’t want to sleep with. Yeah I know, it’s a foreign sentiment since the common belief is that all men are dogs. But hey, even dogs are selective about where they mark their territory. But that’s a story for another day.
When you’re in a situation like this, you have a few options:
1.) Be aloof and dickish.
You aren’t interested so you just won’t talk. Makes sense right? To you it would, but to the fairer sex it won’t. It’ll only make them more intrigued and you more attractive to them. Women are crazy masochistic complicated.
2.) Be stupid nice and engage.
So you decide to just be nice and get involved in a conversation. As Sowhatiff pointed out that’ll just lead to a group of women that are simultaneously wetter than the Amazon and yet thirstier than a lost gringo in Mexico. I’ve played the nice guy role before, opened my mouth and got a lot of unwarranted attention. Pause? Either way, I can speak first hand and say nice guys do finish last.
3.) Pull Out Your Best Anti-Game
And here we are. Anti-Game is not the opposite of game. It still takes some skill and where-with-all. You can’t just go around being a douche. You still want to appear like a good person so you can holla at the unattractive chick’s attractive friend. And Anti-Game will sufficiently allow you to appear like a great guy, just not great for her. Can you say recommendation?
In conversation women will often draw parallels and similarities that a man would never even think about. I know because I’ve been warned. She orders a margarita, you get one too and all of sudden she’s thinking you guys enjoy the same drinks so you could enjoy drinks together another time. Like on a beach on a Caribbean island. For your anniversary.
I wish I was exaggerating.
Anti-Game allows you to engage and yet avoid anything that you guys actually may have in common and cause a “Scrubs” like daydream.
For example, if she thought “Inception” was awesome, you may agree in your head but your mouth should say something to the effect of you thought the direction could’ve been better and that it was 30 minutes too long. Share something, but also cause a rift. She likes drinking white wine, you like beer. She likes books, you like reading on magazines your iPad (I want one so badly). You get where I’m going.
Don’t be David Caruso dickish, again because they like it, but don’t be her soulmate. Somewhere in the middle. Engaging, cordial, but forgettable. Like these guys…
If only we had those memory eraser joints.
It’s a fine line, but hey, no one said it would be easy. Try it out. See if it works. Let me know if it does at seattlexwa@gmail.com or at http://twitter.com/seattlexwa. I’m going to start chronicling people dating, wingman, wingwoman and game spitting adventures. Start a Three Ways Hall of Fame in here.
But yeah, ladies do you feel that this is effective? Why do you guys put so much weight on similarities and run with it so much? My dudes, do you feel like you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t? Anyone else ever heard of or is already practicing the anti-game?
My Twitter location is somewhere between “He’s a great guy” & “Oh that asshole”,
RSS & Twitter
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WHAT? Women have been doing this for years. Catch up fella’s LOL
Sincerely,
Go
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:14 am
Women? Anti-Game? Naw, elaborate
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Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:54 am
Pretty much.
The fake engagement ring. The “boyfriend” that’s really your homebody. The ignoring. The “phone call.” The fake drama.
I have a whole SLEW of tricks up my sleeve.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:58 am
Lying /= anti-game. Though anti-game may = a few little white lies
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Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:15 am
lol. my anti-game will now involve doing all the things that i’ve read b/n here and sbm.
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A.Smith Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:15 am
“I have a whole SLEW of tricks up my sleeve.”
Uh-huh. Church.
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thirstier than a lost gringo in Mexico
Hahahaha!!!!!
Maybe I’m a rare bread but I like it when a guy is that great guy and an asshole… it’s probably because I’m also a great girl and an asshole at times..
The Anti-Game.. it can be applied to the other gender as well right? lol
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hmmmm this is very interesting…but it may backfire. Most times I like people who aren’t like me, it keeps things interesting. But I guess if you were a cool guy but didn’t like anything that I liked I would just keep you as a friend and refer you to someone else. I have never heard of Anti-Game, but I am very intrigued….I think I need to read this again to fully wrap my head around it. Can I get more examples lol
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But yeah, ladies do you feel that this is effective?
^^^Depending on the chick, it may be…but if the chick is persistent as hell…its going to require extreme measures & all that “being nice” will have to be thrown out the window.
Why do you guys put so much weight on similarities and run with it so much?
^^^Because we clearly want someone that we can kick it with & with whatever the current ratio of women to men is, its difficult to find someone as is, so finding someone with similarities makes it even more so. This is probably why some women settle for whoever they find/is willing to be in a relationship.
I laughed a bit…this was a good post. I tend to give guys I’m not interested in but they seem pressed the silent treatment or i am really short with them…for some it works, for others, it takes becoming an a$$hole for them to back off.
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speaking as an individual and not as a collective I can’t honestly say I’ve ever put any ‘weight’ on similarities. I can say without hesitation – we don’t generally meet the real dude/chick when we first encounter someone we’re attracted to.
If the attraction is mutual, he/she is going to say ALL the right things, do all the right things, and be all that they have presumed is required to make of go of this thing.
The Anti-game…lol…is a new one on me. If you’re not feeling me, I’m generally NOT feeling you so there is no convo to sabotage. (smile)
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:16 am
The reason you’re not feeling him is b/c of the anti game. lol
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Roschelle Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:15 pm
If I’m not feeling him which women almost instinctively know, he won’t have time to bring the anti-game. He is 4:30 before the game can even begin…lol
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* make a go of this thing! (damn typos!!!)
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Herein lies the problem with the Anti-Game theory: you have to know if the woman in question is attracted to your similarities, or your differences. If you play off the wrong one, you will end up in the polar opposite of the friend zone (insert witty name for polar opposite of the friend zone here)
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Roschelle Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 1:37 am
even with this anti-game theory….how do you avoid those non-verbal cues you exhibit when you’re just not feeling it.
Although you’re trying to say the “anti-game” right things to pretend you’re not turned off and hope the “differences” are enough to turn her off.
Aren’t you possibly making some facial grimaces, or putting a bit more distance between you and the chick, or looking at your watch…lol…or something.
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I don’t get it. Why not be honest & be yourself. You can have the world in common with someone but that doesn’t mean you two are meant to be. Speaking for myself I would rather a guy I am totally feeling tell me he just isn’t into me than have him playing games at my expense. Smh at the anti-game, hate to be the one to say it but this seems like nothing more than a way to help immature and insecure dudes feel in control. Or maybe I just don’t know chicks who are that thirsty but I think it’s more the former. There are enough games being played in the dating world and I have to say shame on you Mr. Washington for endorsing such cowardly behavior.
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Kriola Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:03 am
Everyone likes to be let down easy…the Anti-Game is like Novocaine, you can still feel whats going on, but it doesn’t hurt so you’re cool with it. IDK maybe I’m just too sensitive but I would rather the Anti-Game get played on me than someone just telling me straight up that they are not in to me, and vice versa, you feel nicer when you can let someone down easy instead of just hitting them with it.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:24 am
Well for one, I thought it was a funny post. Two, Kriola is right, it’s Novocaine.
Women hate rejection as much as men hate being kicked in the balls. And from what I’ve heard, it’s kind of the same feeling.
Not to mention, it’s just awkward to get up in the middle of a conversation with a woman you’re not attracted to and say, “Eff this, the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.”
So is it so wrong to meander through a nice conversation without leading someone on? As some of your female cohorts have admitted on the blog – women have been doing it for years.
All I’m saying is that you can put the Anti-Game up and have a friend instead of some girl who now hates your guts because you turned her down.
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InsomniaPoet Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Seattle, I apologize if my random sense of humor didn’t convert to the blogosphere…I was totally joking when I said shame on you, but other than that, I still think the anti-game is a creative time for lying.
Also, I didn’t really know that people would actually hate someone just because they aren’t into them…Maybe instead of anti-game we need to create self-esteem boosters for these people who can’t live without thinking that every person should be into them….
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anonymous Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:29 pm
I agree. Just tell the truth. If you are not interested, then just tell me. I am so tired of the games people play in relationships. Why waste your and the other person’s time?
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This can be tricky….if a guy puts up his anti-game and i form my opinion about him based on that and probably fall for him cuz of the ‘person’ he presents, when he changes to his normal self, won’t that backfire?
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I think the anti-game works for me. Just be yourself and be funny and engaging in conversation.
I don’t really care if we have similar interests from first introduction ..besides, I am not going to believe much of anything you’re telling me right of the bat anyway…so, you might as well be honest..because if you tell me you like something and later on I find out you don’t…I’m deducting points..and it may be a wrap for you and I..because then I am going to classify you as a liar..and I hate liars.
Be honest. Be your authentic self and if that doesn’t get the girl..then she wasn’t yours to get anyway.
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I’m going to say something that might just blow the men away today. Here it goes…
Brothas, most women don’t want you. If you and I happen to be at the bar at the same time, and I ask you what you’re drinking b/c it looks like something I might enjoy, doesn’t mean I’m interested in you. I’m interested in your drink. Now, there is a good way to tell I’m not interested… I order my drink, and leave the bar to kick it with the homies. Anyway, I say this to say that many of you may be jumping the gun with the “anti-game” when good chances are she’s not checking for you, she’s just being nice. A smile does not mean I want to have your babies. #imjustsayin
However, to answer your question, most women I know have been practicing the anti-game since puberty. The moment we got breasts and hips, we have had to let down men. My go-to phrase was “I have a man” but that doesn’t work anymore. Ninjas want to be your friend. “Nothing wrong with having a friend you can call up some time, chill and have a good time(things said to NIA in the grocery store after telling dude I’m seeing someone). Now, I try to be honest and tactful… if i’m not interested, I say I’m not interested. No need to beat around the bush, because you will not be beating around this
well manicured lawnbush.Reply
Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:14 am
i abhor the “friend” comment.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:20 am
NIA I love ya, but that didn’t blow us away. The same time you guys grew breasts and ass was the same day boys learned about rejection. We’ve been dealing with it for years now and most of us can deal with it appropriately. On the other hand, women don’t and can’t.
Hence the Anti-Game.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:40 am
Perhaps, I need a better example of this anti-game. So, you’re at a bar/lounge. Girl at the bar getting a drink, she’s not your preference, but you’re obviously hers, so you utilize the anti-game just in case she’s imagining your wedding? Do women really do that ish you mentioned in the post? Think you’ll be a great couple b/c you like the same drink/movie/tv shows? Really?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:49 am
I could use the Anti-Game or I could just break out. It’s not for every instance, I would say for more intimate or personal settings. Or when there are repercussions. Like a hook up.
And yes. Some women do that. I know because I’ve seen it and it’s been verified by female constituents. Don’t kill the messenger.
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A.Smith Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:27 am
AMEN.
Men say women never smile and aren’t nice, but then we smile and try to be nice and ya’ll suddenly gotta run anti-game.
Not that a smooth anti-game isn’t necessary to have. I think I can say we women understand that because WE have to have it too.
But sometimes, it’s really not that deep. If you’re gonna be sitting right here next to me, then what am I supposed to do? Ask you if you’d be ok with me having a conversation with you? Let you know from jump that though I may flirt unconsciously I’m actually attracted to homeboy on the other side of you? Idk. Rock and hard place.
Anti-game is for thirsty individuals. One can’t be throwing it out all willy nilly.
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Women still dont understand anti-game. Women are confusing anti-game w/ simply turning a dude down or letting him down easy. The point of anti-game is to make this chick like me as a person but not as potential mate. You’re ultimately keeping the prospective for a recommendation at a later date. When you women cut men off, you dont care about getting recommended for one of his friends.
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S0_Flyy Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:16 am
Peyso… I get it. Lol. I think it’s probably happened to me. The only reason I can attest to is b/c I have a male best friend and he showed me on some girls at a party. I think the reason most women don’t get it b/c if it is done properly and effectively she won’t know that the anti-game was being run. She’ll end up thinking, “He’s an okay dude… I wonder if my friend Remy would like him?”
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Seattle Washington Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:16 am
Like I said before, Peyso handles my light work.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I’m done explaining. I must not communicate effectively b/c no one is getting it lol
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Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:38 am
Well I think the issue is that woman’s anti-game can’t have much game in it because
a) we deal with a thirstier type of individual who is down for us no matter what we do/say
b) we don’t need your recommendation to get it in with your friend. remember yal are more “indepedently minded” than we are
c) all of the above.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:14 pm
I agree
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Here’s a shocking idea, instead of running game or anti game how about you just tell the truth? *gasp*
I rather you be yourself instead of the thinking one thing and saying the next approach. Oh, how I hate that. And this “anti game” sounds to me like, you want to be a jerk or a “bad guy” without women thinking you are….either you are or you aren’t. There is no fine line.
The similarities thing, I don’t put much weight on. I don’t want to date someone or be in a relationship with someone exactly like me. I’m in love with me but I want to be in love with someone else. Lol
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:52 am
The truth doesnt work. Here’s why: I could just be myself, and then you’d like me more. I could just blurt out of no where “yo, I’m not interested” and then I’d be weird/an a**hole. Or I could run some anti-game which will: a) prevent you from liking me in the first place but not ban me from your friends or b) make you like me less. It’s an easy choice of which one to pick
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 10:26 am
Or, you could just be yourself, but because you don’t fit that chicks physical preferences(whatever they may be), she’ll still hook you up with her girl who prefers men who look like you.
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Rum Punch Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Thank you Nia! Yeah I was fina say, I “get it”, but I don’t get it. Maybe I’m old, but this seems kinda cut off your nose to spite your face. Ok. I might not be your type. But you may not be my type either. Why not just be yourself and maybe I’ll think you’re a cool dude and invite you to my next burgers & beers houseparty event. Idk. Why can’t people just meet and be regular? All this subterfuge really makes me wanna move to the woods somewhere and live in a cabin. Cause this is way too much work.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Yeah, I don’t get it, and I’m not trying to get it. I just chalk i tup to being a NYC thing and I’m too old for it. #NIAshrug
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:18 pm
*it up*
typos kill the affect of #shots. lol.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:23 pm
And if u do fit that chicks preferences? U dont need to anti-game so you wouldnt use it
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Bahama Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:04 pm
Let’s say I do like you more by you being yourself…..but you’re honest and tell me you aren’t interested then that’s fine. I know where we stand and we can still be “civil” towards one another. I just hate when people lie about what they are thinking. Honesty happens to be a lost art when dealing with humans these days. But it still all goes back to having your cake and eating it too. If you are a loser, be a loser…accept it. If you’re a nice guy pretending to a jerk then you really are a jerk.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 2:17 pm
“Let’s say I do like you more by you being yourself…..but you’re honest and tell me you aren’t interested then that’s fine.” – THIS DOESNT WORK. As proven on other posts, women suck at taking rejection. Maybe you’re fine w/ it. Maybe even every women who comments and all of their friends. However, that doesnt represent a speck of the women that most men come into contact with
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The New Girl Reply:
August 4th, 2010 at 1:35 am
I agree with the this. It seems the women on here are of higher mental caliber than the average. I don’t mind the “I’m not interested” line. At least I know and then you can go in the friend pile and that’s that. And later if we are still civil, like Bahama said, I would have no problem handing over my friend.
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Shekeisha Reply:
September 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I agree. Say what you mean up front and don’t try to switch things up when you hit a rough patch. If you tell someone “I want to marry you” and your actions prove that and then you say “I’m not interested” because she told you to make the committment…she isn’t going to believe you.
Games are for lazy children. If you say something follow through. If you never plan on following through keep your mouth shut.
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That dude on the picture, though…
But, yeah, Mama Cheekie taught me the best anti-game from when I was a teenager. The aloofness, the ignoring? Works like a mug. She dropped her ex like a hot cast iron skillet after taking it out the oven without a mitt and he’s been
stalkingcalling her obsessively since. It’s funny what being the opposite of clingy will do…Reply
I like this post so much that it’ll be my first comment on the site.
Woman, you meet two guys, Guy #1 holds a conversation with you and makes it VERY clear that he’s in to you and immediately asks you for your number. Guy #2 holds a conversation with you but isn’t all over you and waits to ask you out. Which guy are you more interested in? (Yea it’s a simple example and there are a lot of “what-ifs” but you get my point)
To the women who commented above, Do you think woman REALLY want a guy who is everything they want from the very beginning and agrees with you about everything? The truth is most women SAY that this is what they want but when they get it they get bored because it’s TOO easy. Women, more so than men, need for things to remain “Interesting” and have a tendency to get complacent within a situation if she feels like she doesn’t have to try anymore.
To me, what he is describing as Anti-Game is an effort to keep things interesting. I think the older we get the less this is necessary because we stop comparing what we have to what we could have. Some women are the exception to this rule, but honestly not many. Its never failed that when I didn’t show a woman I was interested in her it only fueled her fire.
No woman wants a “BFF or a Yes-Man”.
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Anti-game is GAME, Please know this, that is all I can contribute here LOL.
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Respect to this post and the Esco reference.
grinding today cant really lay it down like normal. no [||]
Salute!
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i need clarification, it sounds like from the woman’s pov this kind of guy could be called a “tease.”
ultimately, i think the difference is only in perspective. having read the recent post about on types of teases, the only real difference is in the person of interests motives and the interested party’s desire. neither person would know what was on the other’s mind but for some reason when women practice their brand of anti-game they are the tease.
did i misunderstand?
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Shekeisha Reply:
September 12th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Black people have a natural instinct to hunt so being a “tease” stimulates your instincts and initiates a chase. It stops when someone gets super hungry and decides to pounce. When that happens they get married.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
September 12th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Black people have a natural instinct to hunt?!?!
o_O
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Males are really naive. You do stuff that you think is “game” but really, all you’re doing is attracting hos. When you do something you think is “bad” you act like a man so a woman is going to stick around because in middle class America it’s hard to find.
Meanwhile, you’re so focused on all the hos you attract you can’t see the woman who loves you. But…call her thirsty, disrespect her, make her look like a stalker so she’ll know you have low self-esteem.
Bottom line…if black people lived in a hood where they belong men wouldn’t be so “hard” to find.
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