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The Insecure Woman
Last week, Slim talked about unextraordinary women. Based on some great comments from our great readers, I was inspired to write about the insecure woman…actually let’s call her a woman with insecurities. Before yall get all defensive and sensitive on me, let me say that I can talk about her because I have been her. And sometimes I still am.
After reading some comments, it seems like people were mad at the woman with insecurities. Some folks even got defensive when it seemed like they were being labeled insecure. Its like insecurity is bipolar disorder or something. One reader wrote:
Is “insecure” your blanket statement of the day too? ___ is not insecure. She is perfectly stable.
To have an insecurity or to be insecure doesn’t mean you’re unstable. To be insecure is to be uncertain or anxious; not confident or self assured (shout out to Apple’s dictionary). I’m sorry if I’m the first one to break this to you ladies, but we are all insecure about something — be it the size of your nose, those extra pounds you gained or lost, or your fear of being alone. Insecurities are not always a kiss of death. They encompass so many things and show up in so many ways, that we often don’t realize we are displaying them. Sometimes we call them defenses to seem less vulnerable. The reality: underneath that defense is a fear of something – rejection, being hurt, falling in love, et cetera…thus an insecurity is born.
Women are emotional creatures by nature. Layer that with some negative experiences from childhood and/or relationships, and you create fertile ground for insecurities. Below are a few ways insecurities show up in women. If you happen to do some of these things, I’m not firing shots. Call it offering perspective.
Calling other women out for X, Y or Z.
It’s always easier to call the next woman out for doing whatever it is you are calling her out for, as a way to deflect from whatever it is you are (or are not) dealing with. Or maybe you call her out because you see a bit of yourself in her actions. Either way, you pointing one finger at the next woman still leaves 3 pointing back at cha. Look at yourself first.
Being passive aggressive.
This is one of my biggest issues with women. We have a way of being aggressive on the low. Instead of saying what we really feel, we’ll say things on the sly, and add a little giggle and sideways smile to take off some stankness. However, in many instances, we are afraid of what the real reaction will be. We’re afraid to be totally honest out of a fear of getting shut down or rejected by the homegirls or the boopiece.
Selling yourself short (in relationships).
Why does she do this? Because she is happy to have something. Even when she wants or knows she deserves better, something tells her that its okay to settle for less. Leaving this fool would mean no more cuddly nights, thronxing on the reg, or that semi-special attention we all want. Insecurities keep us from cutting the BS short and keeping it moving. If we end it with him, we put ourselves at risk for being alone or not finding anything better. In theory we know that this probably won’t be the case…but what if it is? Sounds crazy, but I know you’ve thought that way once or twice. I have too.
Being a little mean.
JG touched on this on Friday on her site, but I want to reiterate the point. Being mean is the easiest way to take the focus off of yourself and whatever you are (or are not) dealing with. A woman with insecurities sometimes strike first; if she doesn’t, someone else will get at her and she will be found out. The tough girl act is designed to keep folks at bay and hide her junk. To the naked eye, the act is convincing as hell and has even started to become a part of who she is. The reality is, it takes a lot of energy to put up a front all the time. You can be guarded without being mean. Find the balance.
Ladies and gents, have you seen her (No Donell Jones)? Have you even been her? Been friends with her? What are some other ways insecurities manifest themselves in women? How have you displayed yours? Sharing is caring.
Miss – Yep, I Have My Fair Share of ‘Em Too – Jenkins
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like you said there is nothing wrong with a woman (or man) having insecurities. i honestly felt like last week a couple of women who commented got defensive because they were insecure and probably felt a little slighted. noone really likes to feel like shots are being taken at them so its a natural reaction to get defensive. *shrugs*
oh yeah this is random but:
“Either way, you pointing one finger at the next woman still leaves 4 pointing back at cha. Look at yourself first.”
if you point your finger at someone isn’t it only 3 fingers point back because your thumb doesn’t point at either them or you?
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Vicky Reply:
November 6th, 2009 at 7:00 am
she did say three =)
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Insecurity….can show itself in this way too-you aren’t honest with your partner about your feelings on whatever topic because you are fearful of their true response. Therein starts the whole circle of said person really not being a mind reader.
Ladies (and gentlemen), it behooves one to be honest with oneself. First. Always first. It could cut a lot of drama and bullsht from the outset if folks could really deal with what their true motives are first.
Self-reflection can kick insecurities ass most days of the week.
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Luvs it! Kanye West said it best with the line ‘we’re all self conscious I’m just the first one to admit it.’ Well let me be the second one. My friends joke that I’m the most insecure secure person they know. Life in general makes me nervous so my insecurities manifest themselves in many ways. It would take a packed lunch to describe them. Most times they’re something stupid like disliking my speaking voice. Thus my dreams of being a news anchor ended. Ok not really but still insecurities can limit your dreams sometimes. All my friends are insecure about something too. No two are just alike. Women and insecurities are as common as blinking. It happens. Whatever your insecurity may be you have to work at overcoming it. Otherwise it will control your life. If nothing else having an insecurity helps keep you humble. It makes you realize you arent perfect. No one is. But you shouldnt become so obsessed with an insecurity that it dominates your life.
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miss jenkins speaks the truth!!
that’s all i have to say. off to a meeting….
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I like how you pointed out that insecurities do not make you unstable. I, too, wondered why ppl took such offense to the word. Great post.
I think the most common form of insecurity is this deflecting thing. A lot of times we point out the things in others that we don’t like about ourselves. I have a friend that I swear every time we’re out, she points to some big girl and says something along the lines of “Now how do you let yourself go that far?” My response is always, “Why do you even care?” Then I see how she obsesses over weight and realize she has some deep-seeded insecurities about her own body. Even though she has this perfect video hofessional body. There’s a lot she doesn’t like about it.
I think if we all pay close attention to the things we don’t like in others (internally and externally), we’ll have a clue about the things we need to work on ourselves. And by work on, I don’t necessarily mean change (unless its something bad like a terrible attitude), but perhaps change our opinion about it (i.e. I love my gap when it used to be my biggest insecurity).
There’s a line from Tombstone (here’s the man Joey comin out) that sums this all up. “There’s just somethin about him. Something around the eyes, I don’t know, reminds me of… Me. No, I’m sure of it. I hate him!” -Doc Holiday
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I’ve been guilty of them all except passive aggressive. I really hate PA behavior from all persons, so I try not to do that. When it comes to being mean, I’ve found I am to those closest to me–maybe because I hold them at a higher standard? I dunno, but I’ve had to check my inner meanie which rides the same wave as my inner asshole.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 9:37 am
“I dunno, but I’ve had to check my inner meanie which rides the same wave as my inner asshole.”
Me too girl, me too.
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Streetztalk Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 10:56 am
Great post Tiff. The issue isnt whether women are insecure. Its whether you let those insecurities define you and defeat you. A defeated insecure women will exhibit everythign you said, then get angry when you call her out on it. Men, this goes for you too.
I’m insecure about things, but I set plans into actio to defeat the issue and overcome my problems. I think this is the best way to roll.
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I know this is a woman topic but dudes show insecurity too.
Either with their piece size
or how many girls they have been with
How many guys have been with their girl
or their car or how much money they make? (Heck I’m not happy with those past two)
It amazing how many Black Men try to live above their mens trying to keep up with the Joneses… a sign of insecurity.
Not to mention the constant pep talks women have to provide to men concerning their sack skills: Faking it, lying about the size, and the always corny “how was it for you?”
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LoudPen Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 10:29 am
Yo, you just nailed the male insecurities. I had a convo with my homeboy a couple of months ago, and he was talking about how he never really knew if his piece was big or not. Like he never saw another dude’s so, he had nothing to compare it to. Then, when he asked his girl, he didn’t know whether or not she was lying.
And being a girl, I had never considered a guy being that insecure about it. But, it makes sense. Especially if you’re a black man, b/c supposedly black men all have big ones. So, I think that guys that don’t have it feel like they are lacking and have to overcompensate. It’s the insecure guys with little ones that are out acting like male sluts.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 10:42 am
I don’t like being seen flaccid. It’s just not as impressive as seeing Lord Pumpington standing and towering above all the peons with an err of confidence and
lambskinlatex royal garments.Reply
CHeeKZ Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:05 am
SHRINKAGE IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO THE MALE EGO SINCE THE DISCOVERY OF THE FEMALE ORGASM.
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Still Water Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:54 pm
wow… I can’t believe I just read this at work…
:::looks around, closes the window and deletes her cookies:::
I am going to IT h3ll in a handbasket!
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Peyso Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 10:49 am
I agree with you that many guys have insecurities and this is how they manifest themselves, but just because you do these foolish things doesnt mean ur insecure.
“It amazing how many Black Men try to live above their mens trying to keep up with the Joneses… a sign of insecurity.” – Maybe he’s just really into nice things and doesnt see the value of saving (I met someone like this)
“the always corny “how was it for you?’” – Maybe he just wants to know where he can improve.
I’m just saying as I said in my own post, lets just be more selective (and ultimately accurate) in what and who we call insecure
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:29 am
What’s so bad about something being an insecurity? I think the point of the post is that insecurities are more common than we think or care to admit…there is nothing wrong with having them or calling them what they are…its about how you handle them.
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Peyso Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:38 am
they cant be more common then the way we prescribe them. Maybe I’m just tired of hearing the word. I think insecurity is a cop out sometimes. We take pity on the mean chick and say “O, she’s just insecure” when sometimes we need to just say that she is just a mean ole heffa
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Reecie Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:39 am
that’s how I feel about ‘she must have low self esteem’. people throw that one around too much also.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Most people don’t call the mean chick insecure though…They just be like, that biatch is mean and needs some pumpington. Its the mean broad’s job to figure out her own ish…
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Terri Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:40 am
You’re right, it is about how you handle them.
Do you sit in a circle and sing kumbaya with a bunch of other insecure people or do you get off your malcontent-ass and do something about it?
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CHeeKZ Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:45 am
I smell you, Peyso…
but I don’t feel ya….
If you like nice things and fear investing in this economy fine… but if you are collecting debt getting a Benz or buying new clothes for the club when you still owe child support you are probably insecure or dumb.
If you ask how it was or want her to tell you what to do (like watching a girl masturbate,hmm you dirty girl) that is fine.. but if you are deep sea diving for compliments (I have been guility of that one) than you are insecure.
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Peyso Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:47 am
“probably insecure or dumb.” – this proves my point, cuz he could just be dumb
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CHeeKZ Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 2:54 pm
But to Tiff’s point. We use dumb too often and insecure too little…..
the social pressures and individual feelings that forster poor actions go unanswered for too often.. refering back to the Tiff post about people needing therapy.
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Ms. Jenkins, this was an eye-opening post. Like it was so real. I admit I was good up until you got to the Being Mean part. That is definitely me. I’m not mean all the time, but, it is my defense mechanism. Only one person has been able to somewhat penetrate it and I’m not even sure if he knows it.
It’s just that I’m really close to my family, particularly my dad and in my mind, no dude seems to measure up. So instead, I keep my guard up and don’t really let a guy know how I’m feeling. It’s terrifying to me to be that vulnerable to somebody. But, I feel like I just might be on my way to solving that problem b/c the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have it.
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Great post Ms. Jenkins!
I think what you’re saying here if filled with truth and as young black women we really do need to watch the things we do in our relationships both romantic, professional and friends that stanks of insecurity.
Too often we are faced with dilemmas (where we should check our inner asshole, but we don’t) and we end up making ourselves look bad (further damaging said self-esteem) in front of others because we don’t know how to accept constructive criticism or we think that we are so right about something we refuse to calm down and let it go…it’s really not a good look for us as a people either…
:0) I really like it over here!
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I’d like to say that though this list is poignant and particulary on point, it is by no means all encompassing. It is possible for you to call other (wo)men out just because you’re a dickhead. You say things on the sly b/c that’s the only way the person can hear it. Some ppl sell themselves short b/c they’re dumb. Some ppl are mean just b/c they are mean people.
I think what the issue on Friday was that we throw around the word “insecure” w/o any discretion in our usage. If you exhibit any negative trait you’re automatically insecure. I think that this is the wrong way to go about it. We have to examine the underlying reasons for these actions before we can accurately call someone insecure.
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califorN.I.A.love Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 10:54 am
you make a great point. too bad i was writing my post as you were writing this. but, i think sometimes people feel uncertain about things(like my job/carer moves), and i don’t know if being uncertain automatically leads to feelings of insecurity.
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Reecie Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:29 am
“and i don’t know if being uncertain automatically leads to feelings of insecurity.”
it doesnt.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:24 am
Very true. By no means was the post meant to be all inclusive…just insight on certain things.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I agree. I also think there’s a big difference between feeling insecure about something and being an insecure person and people get that twisted all the time.
Everyone is insecure about one thing or another. Vulernability is a part of life.
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ok, i’ve definitely been a mean girl. but now, i can proudly say i have worked through all of that. it’s funny b/c i didn’t realize how much i actually smile at people just walking down the street, and not just the black folks, but all people. I caught myself this weekend thinking, “i’m not an unhollerable heffa”.
as for insecurities, we all have them. it’s a part of life. i don’t think anyone feels 100% great about themselves and their life 100% of the time. nowadays, i feel insecure about the next step in my career, insecure about possibly moving to a new city, insecure about taking that next big step. I don’t know if i’m going to fall flat on my face, or be a huge success.
The important thing is to recognize how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling this way. and then try not take it out on others.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:33 am
“The important thing is to recognize how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling this way. and then try not take it out on others.”
Word up.
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“Some folks even got defensive when it seemed like they were being labeled insecure. Its like insecurity is bipolar disorder or something.”
*nods*
I think it’s a semantics thing. Women across the board would admit they have insecurities (well, maybe except for Omarosa or something), but they’ll never want to be labeled insecure. It’s like scarlet letter or something. And lots of folks treat the labels different. They figure, “Oh, everyone has insecurites at times, that’s human”, but if the chick is insecure, then folks pityher or are glad they aren’t her. It’s like “she’s insecure” is an extreme label and it means that she’s an insecure person all the time.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:04 am
Insakurity is a powerful as well when you think about it. I know a lot of people use it as a tool to get away with shady behavior. For example:
Boo Cakes: Umm, babe…
Lamont: What’s good?
Boo Cakes: Why is this one girl always writing on your
FB wall and responding to your status updates with the thumbs up? Does she like you or sumthin?
Lamont: Stop bein’ so damn insecure
Boo Cakes: Fine. Forget it. Nevermind.
**Lamont has been smashing said woman 6 months on the low.**
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Cheekie Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Too, too true. I find your choice in naming the man “Lamont” hilarious for some odd reason…
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 11:33 am
“but they’ll never want to be labeled insecure. It’s like scarlet letter or something.”
Exactly. That’s why noting that someone has insecurities versus calling them insecure makes a difference. The former still acknowledges other things about them…the latter makes insecurity their entire identity. And we all know better than that…
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Cheekie Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:10 pm
“The former still acknowledges other things about them…the latter makes insecurity their entire identity.”
Yes, definitely.
And yes, we do know better.
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Still Water Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I feel like most women or SIBW, don’t want to be labeled as insecure because that takes away their ability to be Confident and Proud.
I have never heard of a Strong Independent Beautiful Insecure Black Woman…. It ain’t happenin’
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CHeeKZ Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I am going to politely No-Sign this right here.
Being good looking doesn’t make you insecure (see hollywood)
Being independent doesn’t mean you don’t run your mouth.
and you may be labeled as strong.. but on the inside, behind close doors you are hurting…. b/c you aint got no mandingo to plow you down at night (j/k.. but seriously I think it can all be one big front with some women)
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Still Water Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 4:45 pm
If I understand what you are saying, I only mean that women will admit that they have issues, they just don’t want to be labeled as being an “issued” person.
If a woman labeled as insecure, then they lose the ability to be “perceived” as anything but.
So yeah, I agree that one does not affect the other… Most people just don’t want you to say it out loud.
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Good post, Miss Jenkins.
I’ve found the most insecure people are usually shrouded in veiled confidence. They’ve created this entire persona of presumption that is, more than not, dependent on the beliefs of others.
I definitely had/have my moments of insecurity, but they manifest(ed) themselves through nonchalance. No one has perfected indifference down to a science like I have. If I don’t care, then I can’t be disappointed. Unrequited interest is definitely a *coughs* fear of mine.
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Brookland's OWn Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:31 pm
“I definitely had/have my moments of insecurity, but they manifest(ed) themselves through nonchalance. No one has perfected indifference down to a science like I have. If I don’t care, then I can’t be disappointed. ”
WORD UP! And I’d have to challenge you on that indifference science of yours. I might take your spot…
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This is a really good post and while I agree with the idea that we all have insecurities, I still feel that the word is sometimes misdiagnosed.
It’s like giving a kid who just purposefully (sp?) broke you window a hug, instead of a smack in the face.
Many times people use “insecure” to excuse bad behavior. “Oh, she called me fat, so that means she’s mad at the fat girl that lies in her.” “Oh, he’s mad at the guy with the nice car because he’s really mad at himself for not being able to afford one too.” Bitches are bitches, because they are bitches, not because they have daddy issues.
Sometimes it’s just not that deep.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Pause. hehehe.
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Terri Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 12:17 pm
LOL You got me. I don’t know how I missed that one.
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“Leaving this fool would mean no more cuddly nights, thronxing on the reg, or that semi-special attention we all want. Insecurities keep us from cutting the BS short and keeping it moving.”
yeahh… no ish. I can’t believe I almost read through this post and thought, well heyyy none of this applies to me!
ya got me, Miss Jenkins….
I can’t even begin to describe how insecure I feel about the insecurity itself. Why is it that we’re so afraid of losing “something” in fear of gaining nothing? There’s always better, everyone says it (but conforming to a statement like that is harder than I thought..) The fact that there exists a period of time in between two relationships, albeit not up to par relationships, where you feel like you’ve been stranded in the Mojavi desert with just the clothes on your back and a broken heart is UNbearable.
So I, along with millions of other women (oh don’t even deny it girl), continue to go along with “eh that’ll do” expectations, when deep down we know that we deserve so. much. more.
And all the while, we eat up all that B.S. we should have recycled months ago.
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Being insecure stems from fear and we all have fears. I have been all of the women above and I still struggle with selling myself short & calling other women out. My fear is that #1 I will end up alone & #2 I will be talked about behind my back. When you can deal with the fears then you pretty much conquered your insecurities, but then new ones will spring up…life is grand aint it? I know that females can pretty much spot an insecure fella..whether that be the man who tries to overcompensate for a bite-sized brownie package by flashing cars, money & other materialistic crap or whether it be the ultra-tough unemotional commitment phobe undercover emo…we tend to sense that from a mile away…And I mean some of us sense it and still get tangled up in a relationship, then wonder How the hell did I get involved with this dude???
Besides the examples that Tiff has posted how quickly can a man sense major insecurities in woman? Not just, the occasional “do I look fat in this?” And when you sense the insecurities do you just let it go until you get to candy land or do you drop a chick asap?
Just curious..
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Slim Jackson Reply:
August 31st, 2009 at 1:03 pm
It depends. I’m a fairly reserved and introspective dude, so I notice a lot about people quickly. Since everyone has insecurities, I don’t rule people out with the snap of a finger. I just keep it in mind moving forward. If it’s just someone who is a mutual acquaintance and they piss me off, I have a right to then tell them about said insecurity.
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Phil Reply:
September 17th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
If they are willing to work in the relationship and the insecurities are not deep seated and they allow you in emotionally then it is worth it. If it encompasses a bunch of games and BS then it’s not worth it. It says they’re not ready for a relationship and need to find a comfort zone for themselves. Their insecurities can create insecurities for the guy in the relationship. Not good!
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Great post Miss Jenkins. I echo many of the ideas already made, but I would like to make one addition to the list, because I do have one particular behavior that drives me nuts: I am waaaay overly conservative. I have been called a fear-monger before.
On one hand, I have not made as many mistakes as my friends have, but on the other hand, I haven’t allowed myself a whole lot of experiences that are common to everyday life.
I don’t sell myself short in relationships, because I get out at the first sign of trouble (which is why I blame Rihanna). And I am probably not mean to people’s faces, cuz… they can hurt me! I am even afraid of allowing myself to get mad, because I know what I am capable of.
I am sure someone somewhere appreciates that I don’t fly off the handle and do all sorts of wrecklessness, but its not a whole lot of fun sometimes. And I will admit that its because I am completely insecure about how I react under pressure. I freeze like a deer in the headlights and its embarassing.
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I totally agree with this post. Insecurity doesn’t make one crazy, weird, unstable or anything else except human.
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Wow this is such a great post. I agree. Insecurity always has a negative connotation to it, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. I do think that sometimes guys will try to make you feel bad about your insecurity, or make it seem like you’re out of it for having one. But everyone has an insecurity about something.
I was definitely the girl that was passive aggressive. I realized, I was scared to bring up issues I was having, but when I was talking to my friends, I’d scream, and cry, and yell, and just be pissed. But was dude getting all this? Nope. He was cool as ever because he never had to be accountable for what he said/did because I shrugged everything off. He knew he was an asshole, but why would he bring it up if I never called him out on it?
Needless to say, I learned how to open my mouth when I want/need something.
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Insecurity isn’t summin to promote.No 2 it is a negative that’s why its called insecurity. I for one don’t want to be around anyone who wears it as a badge or ignores it totally. Admit them, then look to eliminate or nutralize them. Like ppl with a fear of heights go moutain climbing. So for me I don’t play the “those are my insecurities” and therefore I ought to just let things slide. Work on em, their urs not mine
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Oh and ladies do you really HAVE to be with someone? I got two examples on why women need to learn(when appropiate) when to go fa dolo. One is a chick who “had to have his baby” problem is he broke out and left her high n dry, imo she had his kid only for his “stuff”. As a result I haven’t taken her out since Dec, real hard to get a babysitter for the wkends. 2, my “shoulda been but was never my girl” she foolisy moved in (but still has her pad in BK) with a dude 14 yrs older than her with 4 kids. Why? God forbid she would have had to wake up @ 5 or 6 am and drive the hour n change to school everyday. To that I say so what. And it just shows how selfish a women can be. So is dude suppose to pik up his 4 kids, sell his house in Long Island-which is an half hour from the school, and move outta NY? She recently told me not only does she want to continue wit her education but she wants to move out of NY. Of course this half baked plan is crumbling so she gets @ me every now n then. Not sure what she wants me to do. She said that she hasn’t been wit some one this long (a mind boggling 3 yrs!) and is really only with him now outta comfort. As a man all I hear is the D is too good to leave and she’s too lazy to make a move but yet she’s chaffin under the reality this relationship is a fraud. I cannot and never will understand why (some) women @ times just can’t go be alone and get the job done. Is convenient D really worth ruinin 2 lives?
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Yup, what revelations – everyone everywhere somehow has insecurities..including me..
But you know how I dealt with and got on with my life – I look at it like this…and say to myself…”insecurities..xxxk ‘em..who needs ‘em”
Trust me you’ll be doing much better and not worrying what otehr people think etc.
I’ve fallen for this girl whose got her fair share of insecurities, so looking for other ideas as I need to be a good listener for her as well..but end of the day..lets all get on with our lives and share the love
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Interesting. As a man, I have always wondered why it was that 98% of women I have ever met or heard have said the number one thing they want is a man who is confident. They always explain it by saying something like “everyone is drawn to confidence”, which is no real explanation at all.
After contemplating your piece, I wonder if it is because they have so much insecurity themselves. I personally have a few insecurities for a couple of different reasons. I have always acknowledged them and tried to work on them but in acknowledging them I have found a strength which is that I can accept other people’s with grace instead of scorn and with magnanimity instead of petty. I have witnessed that a number of women are so put off by any insecurity in a man that they can become mean, abusive and controlling.
If women are have insecurities why can men not have them too? Of course, I am not talking about being a crybaby. There are times when I am confident and times where I am a little insecure. Sometimes we guys just need a caring ear and a hug too.
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How to deal with a woman that is insercure and can’t control it
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I wonder if its possible to find a lady that likes to talk and isnt caught up in her work or her friend’s,
im 50 not taken but never was in love with a woman dont know what it feels like, I dispise that word, its uncomfortable to me,
fee;l all alone,
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My girlfriend of 10 months whose ex-husband of 28 yrs had an affair. She’s been divorced 2.5 yrs. When we first started dating I told her she was pretty and sexy to me. She said your embellishing and then it was a constant fear of being fat or her body was not all that. She is 53 yrs old and looks incredible for 43 yrs old. When she leaves town for the weekend, showers me with attention and even mails a card so I will get it while she’s gone as if I will stray on her, never given her a reason nor will I. She is constantly creating a challenge for me to get her extra time to do fun things. It an attitude of, if I give him my time he will get bored and leave me, so I must keep it challenging which is okay at first, to a degree but now its getting old. It keeps us from moving forward, I am 51 and neither of us are getting younger. She puts herself down from time to time, won’t let me see her completely naked, always trying to cover herself and then says I am perfect. When she first saw my pic she said no way am I going out with him, he is just going to make me another notch in his belt and most likely has a line of woman waiting on him. I am patient and it nearing a time to ask her about these feelings/behaviors and how WE can work with them. I love her and she loves me and we do have a bundle of fun together. Any suggestions as to how to ask or deal with this? I am thinking of breaking up as its getting to me and my work however I am committed and don’t want to throw in the towel. Way to often we just give up and don’t work at it. I am not that type, as she is a good woman, honest, sincere, and committed.
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all I ever see is ones that are with boring guy’s or guys with an atitude problem,
do woman like boring men?
are they that nieve?
Im here wanting to love a woman give to her talk to her love on her share with her and they could really give a tinkers darn about anything,
Like,,, what do thay want?
a guy to make babies and then be lazy and not have any responsability or gumption about anything,
Im tired of all the junk I see with ones that compromise thier life away,
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is anybody tired of talking to , or trying to talk to an insecure person that acts fair weather then when you see them, alone they canr handle anything,
Ive seen few people that are genuine in thier talk or nit intimidated by others or not being in the so called stupid talk or trendy crowd,
I feelalone alot, too many ones in the now crowd, and not intersted in anything with any substance to it,
too many high schoolers here in small town’s, everyone else is married or taken by ones that are totally boring,
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Hi Phil im the same way guy, Id like to find a person to talk
to about things that matewr not stupid white noise,
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