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The Pussification of America
This about sums it up
As my cousin and my goddaughter were leaving after visiting me on Father’s Day, my cousin turned and thanked me for “being there.” I looked down at my goddaughter, she smiled at me with her eyes and I have to admit, I crumbled a little. I couldn’t imagine “being” anywhere else. Part of the reason I was so excited to move back to New York City was because I could spend more time with her. My goddaughter is approaching a crucial point in her life where she needs a positive male figure. Since her biological father has never been there, her mother plays both roles on a daily basis and the rest of the family steps in when they can. But to me a child, especially a little girl, needs a man to love and be loved by.
Lately that thought has come under fire. While waiting for my train the other day, I read an article that stated that fathers are no longer needed. I got two pages in before I had to put that magazine down. The thought was ludicrous. My goddaughter needs a male figure as much as my father did when his dad left him. As do many kids who are fatherless. And not to speak out of turn, but children who don’t have fathers inevitably seek out some semblance of a father-figure in various different ways. My father sought out his uncle and later my mom’s dad for perspective and a viable paradigm. Other people go to more negative places. Tactlessly stating that men are useless after the egg and the sperm meet is just another example of the Pussification of America.
Yep, the pussification. You can thank my friend Foul Sharpton for that term. It’s an epidemic sweeping our country. It’s the thought that men are being devalued, demasculinated and other big words that have a negative connotation and start with “de-.” There’s a big shift from the man of the 1950s and the modern man. Not all of the change is bad. A lot of it’s great. But there are certain things besides the large man bags, low cut v necks and skinny jeans that need to be addressed and cut out.
For example, it’s now custom for men to go to baby showers. At the last one I went to, my friend’s mom said to me, “I’m not used to having men around. Back in my day, you guys didn’t show up to these.” Shoot, I don’t think we should now. It’s funny that women complain about their men not acting like “men”, but then want us to guess how big the future mommy’s belly is going to be. I want to celebrate my boy’s venture into fatherhood, but I’d rather not do it at a shower. Let us be men and celebrate in our own way. We don’t need to be at a shower or at a tea party. Yes, there are some things that are just inherently feminine and I feel they should stay that way. It’s a good thing.
Another issue is that dudes don’t act like dudes anymore. But it’s not all our fault. I was talking to my homie Lips the other day on GChat and she explained that her and her girls feel the men they date don’t take initiative. My response to that is, you have a generation of men that are slowly having their nuts cut. You can’t complain that your significant other doesn’t tell you where you’re eating tonight when you nitpick his decision(s) and then just decide on where you want to go yourself. We’re lazy logical. If we know you’re just going to make the decision anyway, we’ll just let you do it from the get go so don’t have to go through all of that bullshit trouble. If you want a man to take the reins in the relationship, don’t punch him in the kidney and then decide you want to direct the horse from the back. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Between these two examples and the article I read, it just seems to me that society advocates less masculinity in men, but then critiques the soft shadow of a man that’s been born as a result. To prevent the total pussification of men, and America, some old structures must be kept, only with modern flair added to it. There’s no changing men now. We have been primarily raised by women and we know a lot of what comes with that as a result. It’s no coincidence that a lot of men can cook, clean, iron and do a little girl’s hair better than some women. Me included. However, some of us do know how to be men and we should have more chances to be our true selves without being looked at negatively. Keeping some of the “old” traditions and mixing it in with the new knowledge isn’t bad. The relationship between man and women should be an evolution and not just a revolution.
Written at the risk of being called a chauvinist,
122 Responses to “The Pussification of America”
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“Pussification of America”
#iDied #6feetunder
#iCant
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well the title sure got my attention, lol…. A lot of what you dubbed as pussification is due to how a lot of the men are raised. Mothers treat their male children a lot different, a lot of coddling and lack of accountability for actions… damn Mama’s boys… smh…
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Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:30 am
me: “you know Jason (my brother) is gonna have to come off your titty SOMETIME, right ma?!”
mom: “yeah, i know..”
he’s 24…
iCan’t
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L. Dejean Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:59 am
That’s how my best friend’s fam is with their son. He is the oldest & the only son amongst their 5 children. In their culture, they seem to value the boys more than the girls. He gets any & everything he wants…
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i can’t even be mad at you for this post..
i don’t exactly understand what the h*ll is going on either.. i’ve been the “Father-figure” (helper, provider, handyman, logical thinker) in my house for a long time.. and i’m coming to the place where i just want a man to take the reins.. i don’t wanna have to think about where we’re going, i don’t wanna be in control anymore.. and i don’t wanna have to remind him of things.. i just wanna trust that they’ll get done..
i’m tired of being the dude.. and i won’t be mad if someone comes along and goes “it’s alright babe, i got this..” i’ll love him even more for it..
i think everyone needs a father figure.. there’s certain things that need to be learned.. i don’t mind new things coming with the package (cooking, laundry.. wait, i love doing laundry)
but i need the roles to remain intact.. mr future, be the head of household, please! i don’t want the job.. don’t blur the lines.. for the sake of my sanity.. pleaseandthankyou
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Lola Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:48 am
Nick that was beautiful, made choke up a bit.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:56 am
co-sign
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L Boogie Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 10:11 pm
*steps on soapbox*
WELL WRITTEN! damn if you didn’t say what I’m pretty much thinking…I for damn sure don’t want the pressure of all of the responsibility of the final decision having to rest on my shoulders…beautifully written, and we think more alike than I thought…
*steps off soapbox*
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1. What magazine were you reading? I’ve never heard of such a ludicrous concept.
2. If we know you’re just going to make the decision anyway, we’ll just let you do it from the get go so don’t have to go through all of that bullshit trouble.
This is a cop out. I know women can nagnagnag you to death, but it is up to you to check her in a loving and caring manner. lol. C’mon, you can’t be the man in your relationship, and run away from unpleasant ish. Because when you get married, there will be instances of real unpleasant shit, and then what? You just defer to your wife because you want to avoid conflict? No! Make a firm decision and stand by it. We can smell weakness, so be firm about it. The lady will respect you for it. Honestly, I think this behavior can probably be traced back to a man’s relationship with his mother. I know its a hard pill to swallow, but mothers are creating these pussy ninjas. And a lack of fathering. Not absent fathers, but fathers that aren’t actually involved in the raising of their children. Bomani Jones calls it insufficient daddying. lol.
3. I’ve never heard of a man going to a baby shower, or any other kind of shower. Is that some new, modern NE nonsense? I don’t think we do that in the South.
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Sue/Suki/ "@RealTalkSuki" Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 3:00 am
Men at baby showers? I think I’ve heard talk of that ONCE. And I don’t understand WHY men have to go through that. Sounds like torture lol
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S0_Flyy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 8:50 am
Yeaaaaaa… it’s been happening a lot in & around MD/DC. When a gang of dude who look like they should be hanging w/ Jeezy come in talmbout were friends w/ the baby daddy… we got issues.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:03 am
I think men should have their own “baby showers”, which consists of smoking cigars, drinking rum, and eating steak. lol.
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Brian Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
I was conned into going to my daughter’s baby shower. Me and the rest of the fellas ended up drinking brews and playing dominoes out in the backyard.
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Shawn.Smith Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 8:21 am
“2. If we know you’re just going to make the decision anyway, we’ll just let you do it from the get go so don’t have to go through all of that bullshit trouble.
This is a cop out. I know women can nagnagnag you to death, but it is up to you to check her in a loving and caring manner. lol. C’mon, you can’t be the man in your relationship, and run away from unpleasant ish.”
This is where I disagree with A LOT of women today. Women don’t realize that they can be overbearing at times. It can be so much at times that a man acquiesces just to keep the peace.
Women tell us to make the plans. When we suggest something, women state they aren’t feeling it or aren’t in the mood for it (food and restaurants are the biggest since you all are so picky) , so after two or three suggestions (cause we always have a back up for the back up cause you all never like the first choice), we just give in to what you want.
I just got into an argument with a woman a few weeks ago because SHE suggested two places that SHE was in the mood for and asked me to pick one. I made a decision and right after I did she stated that she wanted the first pick. She hounded me about wanting to change and then even suggested a third place even after I held firm on my decision. We argued because I explained to her that even when I make a decision, she comes up with other suggestions and constantly implies that she isn’t feeling the one that I make (even if they are her suggestions).
To curb this, I no longer leave it up to debate or just don’t tell her where I’ve selected for us to go until we get there.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 8:59 am
This is where I disagree with A LOT of women today. Women don’t realize that they can be overbearing at times. It can be so much at times that a man acquiesces just to keep the peace.
This makes me sad. Really. I have witnessed family and friends treat their husbands/boyfriends/fiances like children who can’t make decisions for themselves. So, I know how overbearing, pushy, stubborn we can be.. I just hope I’ve never been that way, hope I’ll never be that way to a man I love and respect. And maybe thats the problem. A lot of women don’t respect men, or the male role in the relationship. We have become so self-reliant that we don’t value men the way we used to. Especially in the black community.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:08 am
However, a lot of men haven’t seen a good example of a man leading. I think men aren’t quite sure what it means to lead, or even how to do so. You don’t know what it looks like. So, yes, women can be overbearing. But men can be pansies.
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Shawn.Smith Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:25 am
I don’t disagree with you on this. The issue is that SOME women are so used to getting their way that when a man does step up and disagrees with them, they can get confrontational (mainly because they are spoiled). An argument ensues and we men come out looking like the bad guy because women feel we can’t communicate expressively enough to convey what we are thinking.
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LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:27 am
However, a lot of men haven’t seen a good example of a man leading
Roger that.
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“You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
If you watch “What’s Love Gotta Do With It”, you’d see that the above is terrible advice.
On the serious tip…
Wait, iDied at this picture & caption today by the way.
Ok, on the serious tip…
I feel ya on the “ya gotta let a man be a man” thing. To an extent. Because if he’s a man, why is he waiting on a woman to let him be one? I agree that women need to be a bit more “open” to a man doing his…mandom, but I see more and more men using that as an excuse. Please don’t forget that the reason why women are “manning-up” and not allowing men to be men is only in reaction to a man (or two) she had in the past who…wasn’t one. And yeah, she shouldn’t let what one man did in the past affect the man she has now, but it’s easier said than done when what led her to take the reigns is based on survival.
But yeah, great post Seattle. I thousand-percent (Maury) agree that men not being needed in a child’s life to be B.S. Yes, it’s been done (successfully, so to speak) and no I’m not saying that a child can’t function without one, but to completely rule men out as important is ridiculous at best.
Wow. I feel like I’ve said “man” more than Salt N’ Pepa in their heyday…
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:49 am
“‘You can’t have your cake and eat it too.’
If you watch “What’s Love Gotta Do With It”, you’d see that the above is terrible advice.”
Thanks for the early morning laugh. I was cracking up while getting ready.
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Cheekie Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
No problem, homie.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 10:21 am
I forgot to answer the serious question. My bad.
Well you don’t have to “let” us. That was my tactful way of saying, “women need to fall the f*ck back.”
In all relationships, there’s a masculine person and a feminine person. Everyone has their moments, but that’s the deal. I’m not going to date someone that’s going to be acting like what they think a guy should act like. If I wanted that, I’d be gay. And I’m not. So… Yeah. That’s about it.
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BK'sFinest Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:38 am
SEATTLE’S SOFT AND SHALLOW LIKE A SMURF!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:46 am
You’re still mad about my comment the other day huh?
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BK'sFinest Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Yes I am Mad!
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Again with the shouting…
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BK'sFinest Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
YES I AM SHOUTING!
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Cheekie Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Kanye, you still on that mountain at the BET Awards?
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BK'sFinest Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
AND YES, SEATTLE IS STILL A SMURFLIKE SHALLOW AND SOFT “MAN”!
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3whkpvEJkPA&NR=1
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Cheekie Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
lol, gotcha.
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I have a Goddaughter too and I hate that I can’t be around her more (but I’m a female), however, what i hate more is the fact that her father is not a constant in her life. I heard he’s being doing better RECENTLY but over the course of her 6 years of life, he’s been more absent then present, acting as if he was just a sperm donor. She got to the point where she called her “father” by his first name & even did this in the presence of her paternal grandfather. He tried to correct her and she said “like I said ” (yes, she is a feisty one). I think when children grow up without a father figure present, they devalue and don’t respect the position of a father & what his role is supposed to encompass.
I am lucky to say that I had a father round. He wasn’t perfect and not the most supportive but he did what he had to do to provide for my family (he married my mom when she was pregnant with me & dropped out of college after I was born) & after he and my mother divorced, my sister & I. I hope that the father of my children will be, in someways, like my father but in many ways, not like him. Children deserve that chance to know where they come from, what their lineage is and have the chance to learn all the necessary lessons to be successful in every aspect of life.
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I have my father figure but sometime I wish that he wasn’t such a dictator.
I agree with Nick_L_Odeon whole heartedly, I want to be able to have a man who can just for once tell me don’t worry about it sweetie.
I just don’t want someone like my dad, yes he provided me everything to the best of his ability, but I don’t want to be treated like my mom. What kind of ish is it when she has to ask to borrow money from my dad? #machismo Mom doesn’t work, she’s a stay at home and takes care of my grandmother every other day and to come home and have her husband be pissed off cuz his dinner wasn’t ready? #machismo that’s just not right.
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L. Dejean Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:05 am
I just don’t want someone like my dad, yes he provided me everything to the best of his ability, but I don’t want to be treated like my mom.
^^^That’s why i said in some ways I want him to be like my dad (in making sure the family is provided for) but in most ways, to not be like him (emotionally unsupportive, abusive, things of that nature). I don’t want to deal with all the negatives my mother, & even I, had to deal with whenever I find the person intended for me.
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Lola Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:18 am
You’ve hit the nail right on the head. My father has never mistreated my mom physically but emotionally I think he has, what he’s done for 28 years of marriage is just not right, I don’t believe its right.
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Women who demasculate the adult males in their life are taught to do so by other women who HAD to be everything – not just mama and dad but the housewife, bread winner, protector, EVERYTHING!
Males who accept being demasculated are weak and need to man up; that is, if they want to be considered MEN. It ought not be necessary for sooooooooooo many women to be everything to the people in their lives. No children should be raised by only one person – there should be 2 people putting 100% of their effort into making their sons AND daughters responsible!
I think it’s a combined effort that’s gotten males to the point where they are childish and accept being demasculated. Also, once a male is an adult it’s HIS responsibility to assume the manly role with the women in his life and he cannot blame any of his irresponsibility on anyone but himself.
*Notice I said males and not men – IMO no MAN can actually be demasculated effectively enough for it to take hold and negatively impact the life of his people.
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The don Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
But having to constantly “man up” agianst somebody who is trying to constantly demasculate you gets old and the better option is to just move around. Thats the same as a verbal abusive man i wouldnt suggest that woman to “woman up” and get him in check i would just tell her to leave
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Whoa. I don’t have a real comment. But this was a great post sir.
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Mannnnnn
Don’t nothing bug me like the assertion that fathers aren’t needed — especially for girls. Ya’ll wanna know what the hell is wrong with “some of these females?” Ask ‘em about their dads. There you go.
SN: No — I didn’t just attribute everything that ails society back to missing fathers. Yes — I know somebody who comments here didn’t have a dad growing up and turned out “just fine.” But as a card carrying member of the “just fine” group, I know ain’t nothing “just fine” about it. ::shrug::
Meanwhile, I think this “pussification of America” (bwahahaha) can be attributed to about 50-11 things all of which go back to the break down of the family structure. We wanna fix what ails (yes, this is the million dollar word for the this comment) us, we need to fix the family first and foremost.
Men at baby showers, though? A friend of mine (male) once said, “If you ever find yourself a man and at a baby shower, something has gone terribly wrong in your life.”
BTW, Seattle, women (people) do what they can get away with and some women don’t even realize they’re taking control away from you. Sad, but again — we don’t all grow up with the ideal relationship (if one is at all) modeled for us. Not all women know how to let men take charge (even though we know we want you to — odd, yes). Further, you’re the man, you have your man program and within reason and respectable boundaries either we (as women) can get with it or we can’t.
Why don’t we ever hear women complain that men won’t let us be women? O_o
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I would say its real and i would have to say the main source of it is because of the state of america with single parent households. Peep the scene before you get upset.
When me and my brother where kids my mom but us toy brooms, vacuum clenears pot and pans and so forth….and you know what my dad did he threw them out and got us some freakin guns. To my mom it was no big deal but pops wassnt havent it.
Just a small example
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OK SW, this was a perplexing read for me I must admit.
First of all, screw the article, it sounds retarded and not worth your time.
Second of all, I have to change your language a bit to make it more comfortable for me- (Fowl Sharpton can kiss my @$$) in my response I’m going to call these guys “punks” rather then “pussies”, though “limp dick” might also apply. (Yes, I do understand that you were saying that women’s roles are bleeding over into men’s roles). I don’t like to denigrate one of my favorite body parts just because it’s a catchy title.
I have to agree with Sheera and some of the other comments.
Specifically in response to some of yours- I don’t really believe a man that cooks, cleans and does his daughter’s hair is any less of a “man”. Nor do I believe that the brotha that attends a baby shower is emasculated because of it. Hell I hate baby showers and I dare anyone to say I’m less of a woman because of it.
You also mention a desire for an evolution of roles- don’t the very instances you criticize illustrate such a shift?
I don’t believe the old roles can be shined up or rebranded, they sucked- true, maybe there were more enjoyable for men then women- that is if we’re speaking of the men who stayed home and played a parental role to their kids.
There is no flair fly enough to get me to go back to those days- I want a partner, not a punk or a man who feels belittled by a invitation to a baby shower. I want the guy that moves to be closer to his god daughter because it’s the right thing to do- THAT is being a MAN.
I think we need a clearer definition of what being a man means, let’s not limit ourselves to old mores- let’s Man Up and Woman Up and enjoy being supportive of one another.
thanks for the discourse!
Jabulile
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:23 am
“I think we need a clearer definition of what being a man means”
I have a post brewing on this very topic. Prolly will post it Thursday.
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jabulilesaysso Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 5:20 am
Can’t wait to read it! j
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 10:08 am
I agree with you, I don’t think that a man that cooks, cleans and does his daughter’s hair is any less of a “man”. In fact I think he’s more of one because he can provide regardless of who is around. What I’m saying is that just because I and many brothers like me can, doesn’t mean women should just not do it anymore. Some gender roles need to be held onto.
The old roles are shined up. Just look at the very things we just agreed on. You, I hope, know how to do the very things we both just listed, but I can step in and handle it if you’re too tired from work and I had a light day. That’s an evolution of old gender roles. I have the money to pay for something, but you decide we should go half this time. That’s an evolution of a gender role. It can be dusted up, it doesn’t need to be medieval and it doesn’t need to be all new agey either.
Furthermore, no one’s asking you to go back to those days and I think that’s where a lot of women get it twisted. We can stay in the here and now, I’m just asking you not to forget about those days.
And for the record, not one of my friends were belittled by the invitation. I was shocked that I got one, but if I felt belittled I wouldn’t have went. It was a way to celebrate my boy’s upcoming fatherhood. Would I have suggested a different way? Yeah. But I wasn’t going to forsake it.
And lastly… I’m glad you want me.
I’ll let Slim take it up from here. Come back on Thursday for more clarification.
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L Boogie Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
everything you just said was well-put. i like the blending of gender roles here, and i think that’s what successful relationships are about anyways: compromise. there’s nothing wrong with men doing what was generally expected of men to do, and the same goes for women. why not pay for things/provide/etc as a man, and why not cook/clean/etc as a woman? if anything, it shows your partner that you appreciate them and that you recognize what their needs are…or maybe that’s just me. anyways, i agree with what you said, Seattle…blending of gender roles seems to work out well!
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jabulilesaysso Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 5:47 am
@Seattle: hahahaha! That brought a real laugh, thank you SW!
Look, truth is, the men I’ve dated have always spoiled me in this area- but I don’t stand around nagging them to take out the garbage either. I did it before they got here- so why would I stop doing it and expect them to, just cause we’re sleeping together? I think that’s corny.
For the sake of argument let’s use cooking as a vehicle to represent all the other male/female roles- (and for the record- I adore a man that cooks and shares household responsibilities with me- seriously, this is incredibly attractive.)
Random details: Of course I can cook but I’m a vegetarian and I cook what I eat, most brotha’s aren’t too excited about that- I definitely wasn’t raised to believe that cooking is my responsibility as the female component of the dynamic- I find that a laughable concept-
but yo, if you get a chick to believe it more power to you!
*Hmmmn, maybe that’s why I’m still single!*
My dynamic: On top of being a Doctor my Pops did most of the cooking in my family, so my definition of a man includes this and much more. My father was amazing. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without his influence.
My main point would be that my sense of self is not derived from men or from larger society anymore, I’m a grown ass woman- and if what I have to offer you as a partner (i.e. not traditional role following) then don’t step to me, hook with me and then bitch about it later.
Go find the chick that supports you the way that you like best!
Most the time I’m successfully playing all the roles (traditional or otherwise) In my household, if you link up with me you do so because I believe you have something amazing to bring to the table (or, let’s be real- the bed) – I’m not going to hand you a job description of “honey do’s” at the door and don’t expect me to go to baby showers with you and your boys: )
sorry, wrote a book here.
j
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Wow….”Pussification”? LOL
I co-sign this post 100 times…I really want a man to take the lead..I appreciate a man’s leadership as long as he is not leading me astray. lol
I totally dis-agree that we don’t need father’s anymore..what kind of tomfoolishness is that?! That is so untrue. Little girls need their dads..and boys need their fathers..pure and simple. That shouldn’t even be debated.
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Orange Star Happy Hunting Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:46 am
Children need both parents to parent in equal but diff ways, now more than ever esp in our communities.
Men need to be men in a traditional sense with some modern twists, but in no ways emasculating them. Folk don’t know their roles anymore, smh but in that regard, roles, some things need not ever change.
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This is an interesting concept… I’mma through a wrench in it though & say:
I am a product of a 2 parent household w/ a very involved father. Lub em to deaf. He taught me what kind of man I should be looking for… essentially one that will love me they way he loves my mom. Best daddy ever. The issue? I can’t find one b/c NONE of these dudes have a backbone in their body. I’m letting them be the man, TAKE THE REIGNS!! I don’t eem nitpick/nag it’s not my thing. Clearly they just don’t how…
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“f we know you’re just going to make the decision anyway, we’ll just let you do it from the get go so don’t have to go through all of that (bullshit) trouble.”
Never more accurate words. What is the point of even askin this question to the male species when the mind already made up.
I think a very interesting angle to this is how dudes view dudes that have already gone through the “pussification” process. How can you look at him the same/differently? All good questions from an even more banging-er post.
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I like this post Seattle.
I think that men right now are in a huge state of upheaval. No one knows what they’re supposed to be and so they’re expected to be and do everything.
Women want you to run them and they want to be run by you.
You’re supposed to be “evolved” enough not to want to blow chunks at the thought of attending a shower, but you’re also supposed to be manly enough to kill spiders and fix everything.
You’re supposed to be secure enough to be with a woman who makes more money than you but you’re also expected to pay for her plane ticket if she’s visiting you from out of town.
I don’t know if I would call it a pussification, but I definitely agree that a man’s role is being eroded. Or expanded. Or something.
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I read that article and was totally turned the eff off by it… I Co-Sign this post
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Great post Seattle. The American male’s role has become questionable as of late.
Nothing bothers me more than hearing dudes I know going to baby showers. The thought of them laughing and smiling while eating cake and ice cream while their wives or who ever are gushing over “that cute little onesie” just sickens me. Go mow your lawn or something, but that isn’t your scene.
The way today’s men were raised also have a lot to do with how they act. For instance I’m 31 and my father is 77. He is a lot older than the father’s of most of my peers so I’m caught in an odd state. A lot of my actions are similar to his when it comes to socialization. As liberal as I claim to be this causes me to be viewed as some what of a cave man. No, I’m not Don Draper, but the way I emote and handle situations aren’t always viewed as sensitive enough. I’ll probably never be wordy and flowery about how I feel or think but I’m not a son of a b**** about it either. This drives my girlfriend crazy.
As for cooking, cleaning, and doing your little girl’s hair this has nothing to do with “pussification” this is about you doing what needs to be done to keep your household going.
I rambled a bit.
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LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:42 am
As for cooking, cleaning, and doing your little girl’s hair this has nothing to do with “pussification” this is about you doing what needs to be done to keep your household going.
c/s…if that’s what the situation calls for then so be it.
I too think males at a baby shower is weird. And just shouldn’t be. Like Jermaine’s obsession w/ shoe polish on his hairline.
SB: YO!!!!!! I couldn’t wait to “see” you today! That last sex scene in TrueBlood freaked me out! I think I clutched my t-shirt closer to me while watching it. And Pam eating the puddy…I can’t!
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:55 am
Yeah dudes just shouldn’t go some places and I question the women who want them to go with there. *SMH*
Poor, poor Bill Compton. I’m surprised that he hasn’t staked himself. Remember in season 1 when he told Sookie’s dumba** that the more you hang around other vamps the more inhuman you become? I guess he was right judging from that sex scene. Tha was the most disturbing sex scene I’ve laid eyes on in some time…and Lorena was lovin’ it.
Pam went in on the hot pocket. I wasn’t prepared for that but Pam cracks me up. (Her convo with Lafayette earlier int he season was great. “I’m not a hooker. Not anymore at least.”) She followed the main rule of face. Go at it like there’s nothing else you’d rather be doing.
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LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 10:00 am
Exactly! In the event that I have a S.O. I would not put him through such torture. Plus, I wasn’t raised by a man who does stuff like that. My father would give the serious side eye if he was asked to go to a baby shower. Hell…he might even curse in response to you. And my daddy doesn’t curse.
Yeah, I feel bad for Bill. Lorena is a mess. Son twisted her neck around…like he hates her, but she’s dangerously in love. LMAO @ the hot pocket. I could’ve sworn it was Eric down there getting dirty. I love the way Pam talks…and remember that scene you’re talkinga bout,lol. And what about Tara getting turned out by that filthy looking vamp?
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:03 am
It was funny as hell when Bill set her on fire. I’ve go an ex who I’d like to do that to. What does the sickly looking vamp want any way?
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LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:05 am
LMAO!!! I can’t remember the sickly vamp’s role from the books…but I do remember he’ll have Tara under his spell. Besides, the series changes things up a little bit anyways. Like Lafeytte’s ass is offed in the 2nd book…and wasn’t as major of a character.
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Tara’s an idiot. But so is Sookie.
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SaneN85 Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:42 am
Since nobody answered this for me on Twittah, maybe one of you can clear it up. How is this timeline working? Is Arlene supposed to be pregnant by Rene?
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:51 am
I’m guessing it’s Renee’s. It’s only been a few weeks since the first season in their time.
LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
@N.I.A
Yeah, that’s what we were saying. Sunday’s episode she went to the gyno and started doing the math
CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 12:49 am
I just watch the sex scene in question…………
even I have to say, that was some eff’d up ishh.
that is a new level of angry sex. That show is trying to be disturbing.
LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:59 am
Yeah, the both aren’t the brightest Crayons in the box…but they are smarter than Jason.
And Arlene is probably carrying Rene’s kid…smh
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
WAIT… why can’t it be from the slow Iraq war veteran she has been seeing?
She didn’t do him yet?
N.I.A. naturally Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Didn’t she find out last week that she was too far along for the Vet to be the father.
LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
@CheeKZ Money
B/c the time from when Rene died and she started boning the vet doesn’t add up. She must’ve been pregnant when Rene was killed…then got w/ the Vet
Slim Jackson Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Wtf is going on in this thread? lol.
The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
You the thread police?
Slim Jackson Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
@RCLS
Smoke an L and eat a d*ck. lol
The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2fmZ2C2CdA
Slim Jackson Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:42 am
“The way today’s men were raised also have a lot to do with how they act. For instance I’m 31 and my father is 77. He is a lot older than the father’s of most of my peers so I’m caught in an odd state.”
Same here fam. My dad was older and I think a lot of it came out in my decision making and how I approach certain situations. That’s prolly also why I go from 0-100 in 1 second if I feel a man disrespected me.lol. Difference is that today you get stabbed or shot when trying to be “a man”.
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Wu Young Agent of M.E. Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 9:57 am
Yeah, you’ve got to know how to pick your spots with the disrespect thing. There are somethings that you just brush off because the outcome isn’t worth the action.
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#1) Let it be known that there are exactly three women that can take control from me: My maternal grandmother and her 2 daughters.
#2) I went to a baby shower in like April. Its not a male friendly environment but at least the baby is gonna have males in their life who at least care a lil bit.
#3) Kneegrows need to stop b!tching. If the chick is whining about a restaurant tell her to get down or lay down.
#4) I agree w/ all that was said about men not knowing how to be men but people forget to say that women dont know how to be women. The definition of any concept is partially controlled by the definition of its opposite and the things around. Ergo a large part of being one gender is dealing with the opposite gender/sex. If the opposite is not around how can you learn how to relate to it?
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:51 am
Co-sign 4.
And I have been to many showers. They have them here at work whenever one of these co-workers get knocked up. I don’t find them fun at all, but you look like a prick if you don’t go.
My man had a baby shower (during the Final Four last year). Abundance of Haitian Food. Free Beer. Plently of Vodka. Big Screen TV to watch the game… I’ll spend 15mins watching her open presents for that.
My other dude had a baby about 5 months later. Its nice to see him with his son. He can talk for hours about thata little guy. Its funny how parents read so much into a 6 mnth’s old facial expressions. All he wants to talk about is baby toys.
I don’t know a dead beat dad…. I know a couple who are taking care of kids who might not be their’s….. long story.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:57 am
I love seeing fathers with their children. It’s beautiful.
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Sue/Suki/ "@RealTalkSuki" Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I just said this.. well in my head lol But i love it too..
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
you know I got so mad when my boys tell me they are having kids. Think I have 6 friends with kids now. Each one I screamed at the importance of pulling out and offered to pitch in for a ‘doctor visit’.
But its not bad at all. I love all of them. I let them drool on me and everything. And they didn’t change much in terms of friendship. Plus they serve as chick magnets.
In the movie Juno, Jennifer Gardner said “a women becomes a mother when she is pregnant. A man becomes a father when he sees his child.” I guess that applies to uncles too..
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
“I know a couple who are taking care of kids who might not be their’s….. long story.”
We’ve got time.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
wanna hear it.. Here it is.
My man went down south for school. Known him since 1st grade. Good looking guy (pause) never struggled with the ladies. Had alot of older sisters. He is actually a little bit of a gangster. Quit school, worked odd jobs living in cheap housing down south.
He mets this girl and falls in love. I heard she was bad. They live together with her mom. But he is paying for everything. Mom likes him. Its all good.
One day he comes home and catches his wifey in the backseat of the car he is paying for riding some dude. She sees him, looks him dead in his eye, shakes her head @ him in disgust, and goes right no riding.
This dude does NOTHING. So two weeks later, she tells him he has got to go. He moves back to the Stead and tells us this mess. Than he gets a phone call Thanksgiving saying I’m pregnant. Packs his ish and leaves the same day! Now he thinks he is doing the right thing, stepping up and being the man. Back to paying for everything for her and this baby, until their first fight. Than she gets mad and tells him the baby isn’t his.
Back to NY for him. Than she runs out of money and says she was just kidding around. Than a year after the baby is born, he find out she is still taking money from the dude from the backseat, so they take a Maury test. It comes out that HE IS NOT THE FATHER.
Back to NY, another year goes by. I think we are 25 now. She has some hold over him, b/c he is back down south. Being a father to these CHILDREN, driving trucks across the country.
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S0_Flyy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:53 pm
D@mn.
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Sue/Suki/ "@RealTalkSuki" Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
Sorry I took so long. I had a face to pick up. Two [more] words: Damn shame.
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Bumboclaaat…
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
multiple children from backseat guy?
smh… Shame.
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The don Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 2:10 pm
man you homies a sucker that aint got nothin to do with being a good guy
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Nick_L_Odeon Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
but WHA!?!?
dem sahta tings yeh mek mi wann tunn ova one trash bin!!
that’s crazy and sad all at the same time..
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streetztalk Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Word. Cosign the patois…
Cheekz no disrespect meant, but your dude is a simp a sucker and a trick.
He needs an intervention my gee
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
“One cup ah water and 3 sour lime/you ah John Mine, me ah Joe Grind/you give ‘ar di money and mi kill ‘ar wit di wine”
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Sue/Suki/ "@RealTalkSuki" Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Tek dah what and leave dah what?? Yeah. I’m still shaking..my.head. =/ poor dude. Damned shame indeed.
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
SHOTTAS!!!! LOL…”Everyting we find…we ah go keep”
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:09 pm
This is probably one of the most f*cked up stories I heard. He caught his girl riding dick and did nothing? Are you kidding me? Are you f*ckin kidding me?!?!?
I somehow want to make this the messed up story of the day and post it somewhere. I just don’t know where or how.
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QueenT Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
OMG! Is this guy playin with a full deck…I’m just askin’. sigh.
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L Boogie Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 10:23 pm
#4- major co-sign.
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I just can’t imagine anyone saying a father in a child’s life is not needed. I am positive if more fathers were in their children’s life then a lot of the mess in the world wouldn’t be happening. There are lessons that I think a man can only teach there son and no matter how good the intentions are of a mother, she just won’t be able to do it. As a single mother who is raising 3 boys alone, it pains me to know that their father is not there for them except for the infrequent phone calls. I can only be hopefully my male family will step up and give my boys a little guidance instead of always saying, “their father should be here doing this”, because the simple fact is that he isn’t and won’t.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
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hmmm.
When I first started reading this post, I was going to run to the comments and give Mr Washington a big co-sign. But than my mind started to lean liberal and I thought about all the cases where children are raised without men, than my mind hit on Lesbians. And to suggest that men are needed to raise children is to say that a lesbian couple lacks the ability to to properly bring up a child in their care without a man. And my liberal self just can’t do that. I love Lesbians and I find them to be fit parents in every way imaginable and no less or than any other set of parents.
So while I will not suggest that ‘men’ are needed. I will say that one person can’t do a two person job AS WELL. You want two people involved so you can take the good lessons from each and count on your partner to remove the bad habits, as you pass them on to your children. If there is only one mom, we are only getting poor clones of the mom. No offense to people who were raised my mom’s, I am one of you.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 11:50 am
“And to suggest that men are needed to raise children is to say that a lesbian couple lacks the ability to to properly bring up a child in their care without a man.”
Well, I hate to sound homophobic, but they are incapable of doing so by themselves, especially if that child is heterosexual. I think there is a reason that many gay couples make sure their kids have an aunt and many lesbian couples make sure their kids have an uncle. Sure, any 2 parents can teach their kids to love and respect themselves and to respect other people. However, gender/sex relations are a huge part of society (regardless of sexual orientation)and are way to nuanced to be capture in just being “respectful”.
Secondly, if we take your comment to be true the implications threaten parts of the argument that you didnt disagree. It deconstructs the whole theory on the plight of the black community and may even hint to an inherent deficiency in the black community. (It sounds like I’m reaching but I’m not.) Here’s how: two lesbians are two devoted parents to a child(ren). How does that differ from a mom and a grand mom? We’ve seen how this phenomenon has played out in the inner workings of the black community. We’ve basically said that the double matriarchal hierarchy is at least a major component in the plight of the black family. Deconstructing that theory then leaves us at square one w/ few to no alternatives. W/ no plausible societal cause for out family defuncts, one can assume that we inherently suck at families
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 12:29 pm
Peyso you challenge me to think harder and work my theories out more. For that, I hate you.
Isn’t there something to be said separately about the failure of the Mom/Grandma combination. Either the failure on the grandma, to rear her grandchildren or the mother’s inability to establish her own household. Ect.
I would argue that the proof is in the pudding. Homosexuals seem to be doing a good job in bringing up their children. While grandma and mom have less that acceptable results (no shots fired at people raised by their grandma. We are talkin about stats.). While the stats on homo parents (that doesn’t sound right) are still coming in, they look promising.
Remeber Peyso, Homosexuals aren’t raising their children in the same neighborhoods thats grandma + mom are. Batty bwoys make more money than their hetereo counterparts of the same age group.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Anytime my friend…
“Isn’t there something to be said separately about the failure of the Mom/Grandma combination. Either the failure on the grandma, to rear her grandchildren or the mother’s inability to establish her own household. Ect.” – This has no bearing on my argument b/c there are no categorical differences between the two situations. Secondly,the argument doesnt assume that single mom isnt doing well or the grandmom isnt doing as best she can.
“I would argue that the proof is in the pudding. Homosexuals seem to be doing a good job in bringing up their children. While grandma and mom have less that acceptable results (no shots fired at people raised by their grandma. We are talkin about stats.). While the stats on homo parents (that doesn’t sound right) are still coming in, they look promising.” – They look promising b/c there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy in a homosexual relationship.
“Remember Peyso, Homosexuals aren’t raising their children in the same neighborhoods thats grandma + mom are. Batty bwoys make more money than their hetereo counterparts of the same age group.” – This turns into a battle of chicken or the egg. Why are the neighborhoods bad? B/c ppl dont have the right family structure. Also, batty bwoys make more money b/c they go dutch on dates and DONT HAVE KIDS!
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S0_Flyy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:07 pm
The funniest thing about this: I felt your passion on the going dutch on dates. Lol.
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Your explanation of ghaye people and their funds is hilarious. But in all liberal serious very untrue. I don’t want do down play that communities success bc I think is some of the most useful data in their fight. These people aren’t degenerates, they are good citizens.
back to the point:
“They look promising b/c there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy in a homosexual relationship.”
Than isn’t that more important to being a successful parent (good planning) and not if one of the parents is a man or a boy.
~ “but they are incapable of doing so by themselves, especially if that child is heterosexual. … However, gender/sex relations are a huge part of society (regardless of sexual orientation)and are way to nuanced to be capture in just being “respectful”.”
On measures of psychosocial well-being, school functioning, and romantic relationships and behaviors, teens with same-sex parents are as well adjusted as their peers with opposite-sex parents. A more important predictor of teens’ psychological and social adjustment is the quality of the relationships they have with their parents. (National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, 2004)
Now this is just some random study that I found because our conversation sparked my interest. But it does show Lesbians can raise functioning hetero boys. Who are just as likely to be gay as me or you (pause).
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
“Your explanation of ghaye people and their funds is hilarious. But in all liberal serious very untrue. I don’t want do down play that communities success bc I think is some of the most useful data in their fight. These people aren’t degenerates, they are good citizens.” – This is a throw away statement. I dont know what it was suppose to accomplish.
“Than isn’t that more important to being a successful parent (good planning) and not if one of the parents is a man or a boy.” – Yep but that explains why homosexual relationships seem to do better.
“On measures of psychosocial well-being, school functioning, and romantic relationships and behaviors, teens with same-sex parents are as well adjusted as their peers with opposite-sex parents. A more important predictor of teens’ psychological and social adjustment is the quality of the relationships they have with their parents. (National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, 2004)
Now this is just some random study that I found because our conversation sparked my interest. But it does show Lesbians can raise functioning hetero boys. Who are just as likely to be gay as me or you (pause).” – This doesnt refute my point at all. It doesnt speak to the fact that good homosexual parents make sure to involve good people of the opposite sex in the lives of their children. It just says that they do well
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
So if we are giving credit to the people gay person’s surround their children with (and not to the actual parent who is actively making the decision) should we put blame on the single mother for doing a crappy job of surrounding her children with gangbangers and prositutes?
If we keep going down that slope we end up saying “Its not just about the parents, the community has alot to do with it.” That is a fact of life for every kid, not just one with ghaye parents.
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Hugh Jazz Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Peyso: “Here’s how: two lesbians are two devoted parents to a child(ren). How does that differ from a mom and a grand mom? We’ve seen how this phenomenon has played out in the inner workings of the black community. We’ve basically said that the double matriarchal hierarchy is at least a major component in the plight of the black family. Deconstructing that theory then leaves us at square one w/ few to no alternatives. W/ no plausible societal cause for out family defuncts, one can assume that we inherently suck at families”
This. I have yet to hear someone offer a plausible justification of exactly how men aren’t necessary (maybe I need to read that magazine Seattle read). Just because children see their mother go to work, pay bills, and put an entertainment center together doesn’t mean anything. They will still look at her and see one thing: a woman. They need to see a man as well.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Nope. That wasn’t plausible either. Just infuriating.
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i feel the exact same way.
first i don’t understand how father figures are no longer needed. that has to be the dumbest thing i ever heard. who can teach a boy how to be man better than you know, a man? women need an example of how a man is supposed to behave so when it comes time for her to choose (yes the woman chooses) mate she has some type of standard to compare that man to.
as far men acting like men i see far too many examples how men are starting to grow ovaries and vaginas. you hit the nail on the head with regard to dress. you really can’t walk around dressed like a woman and expect people to take your masculinity seriously.
the other day i was sitting in my living room and i heard some people arguing across the street. as i peeked through my blinds i saw felicia (i call her that because she looks and behaves like felicia from friday) arguing with her boyfriend/jumpoff/fwb in the middle of the street. something about that just didn’t sit well with me. first i don’t think a man and woman should be arguing in public. second, i think it’s a bad look for a man to get into a shouting match with a woman. yelling to me means that you are not in control of your emotions. women are more emotional than men so i don’t knock women for losing control of their emotions. men on the other hand. no excuse.
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I agree with letting guys be guys. I’ve seen too many men hold their girlfriend’s purses while they’re shopping and all I can say under my breath as I walk by is, “Bitch.” Tell your girlfriend to hold her damn purse.
There has been a huge movement of men needing to be incorporated in all things women have traditionally have done. IE baby showers. I’ve been to a couple’s baby shower, and although it was fun, it was very weird to see men measuring the tummy and playing the games.
Now moving on to dating. As we had discussed, Seattle, women need to be women and let the man plan once in a while, they may just surprise you. By taking away that element of surprise with dates and outings, you become a controlling and insufferable woman. I’ve been down that path of babying the boyfriend. Trust me, it does not end up well. If he wants to pay, let the guy pay. No, he’s not asking you to put out, he just wants to treat you out, so provide him with good antidotes, touch his arm when dinner’s over and thank him kindly.
Guys just want to impress the woman they’re interested in. Let them do it!
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LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Guys just want to impress the woman they’re interested in. Let them do it!
This is the way it should be. But many of dudes are extremely lazy. They want to put in minimal effort.
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L Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:34 pm
That’s why we don’t date lazy bastards. That’s how we weed those guys out. If you can’t make an effort to date me, why would I want to be in a relationship with you? How they are from the beginning is how they will pretty much be for the rest of the relationship.
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LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
C/S 100%
And when I take this approach, sometimes I get the “LaBakir, you’re being too hard…give him a chance”
But quite frankly I don’t care. I understand sometimes work schedules conflict and what not. I’m just tired of the “I wanna see you” but absolutely no plans are created. My home is not the date spot (nor is his).
So like Em and 50 I’ll be patiently waiting.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I don’t think men are lazy as much as I think most dudes don’t want to be the simp going overboard and then getting labeled as Pushover McGee or Niceguy O’finishlast because of their courting efforts.
I also think people only do/show enough to get a nice result. If the result/reciprocity continues to get better, more effort will be made. At least in an ideal world.
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LaBakir Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Hmmm…I can understand to an extent. No one wants to be labeled a sucker. But at the same time, half stepping is not going to garner the results you want(for some women). Whether it’s just sex or a relationship…a certain level of “dedication” in your efforts (not you specifically) needs to be displayed.
I’m not saying pulling out all stops in the “getting to know you stage”. However, when there is no thought put into my interactions with a guy…that raises a red flag for me.
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Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I’m on the simple co-sign today.
Men are needed as fathers. My father has always technically been around but whether or not he was around far enough to rear my brother is questionable- and it shows. My mom made my brother move out of our house and into my fathers and he’s 20. So men are always needed.
I don’t want my husband at my baby shower or my wedding shower. show up with your tux on/fix the baby car seat- we good.
I’m also quite hands off with dates unless someone asks me to do the planning. I like to have my man be a man and play the gender roles when I get off work. Not to say that he shouldn’t have to cook and clean but don’t be asking when gossip girl comes on.
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I definitely agree with a lot of the comments here. I think there definitely needs to be more compromise on both ends. However, I do lean more towards believing that some men just don’t know how to deal with certain women and end up feeling emasculated. I know I am a tough woman, I will admit that I am stubborn and like to do things my way, but that does not happen with my SO. It wasn’t always like that, but one day he told me I could either act like a lady or leave him and be with another woman because he was not going to allow me to treat him like one. He’s not the type of man who will argue with me over petty things, but he has shown me that I can trust his judgment and so when he makes a decision I usually go along with it. This is saying a lot for me because I do not listen to anyone. With that being stated, men need to stop waiting for women to “allow” them to be men. I know with me if you allow me to run things, I most certainly will. So put your foot down when you make a decision and when she tries to argue, just end the conversation (not by hanging up on her b/c that is a b%&ch move), but just letting her know that you already decided and that is what it’s going to be.
As for the men at baby showers, that’s nothing to me because I’m West African. Usually there are two parts to the baby shower, the first part usually involves opening the gifts and women are present. The second part is a party just like any other party with music and alcohol and men are present. It’s not really thought of as a “female” thing. But then again Africans use any excuse to have a party, so it’s just different.
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Great Post S Dub I cosign. Nothing further to add. Kudos.
Death to Pussification, but LIFE to P*ssy!
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QueenT Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 7:41 pm
LOL!
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I want to co-sign Streetz’ cosign. I also have nothing to add at this point. Well, except I knew CHeeKZ comment was going to end up the start of a long thread.
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Good post, Seattle.
However, I’d like to address the women here who are pining for a “real man.”
Well, ladies, you got what you asked for. Men these days know that standing up to woman and “acting like a man” can quickly become a nightmare if the woman happens to be having a bad day and calls the cops. Just that one call will ruin a man’s life.
We’re pussies because you wanted power in the family, and you got it. The state is virtually holding a gun to the head of every man living with a woman. She can lie to the police without facing any consequences, she can cheat on a husband and still force him to pay alimony, and she will get the kids and he will pay child support as well.
Given this situation, only a fool would stand up to women and act like a man. Doing so could well be a one-way ticket to jail and divorce annihilation.
This happens to men all the time.
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Yup. Been screaming this since 2007.
http://www.keyboarddevil.com/blog/2008/03/the-pussification-of-america/
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