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The Sh*t Your Man Does When You’re Not Lookin’
Yesterday Seattle helped our female readers understand what men are thinking about when they’re staring off into space. I’m going to give you an idea of some of things that happen when you’re not home/around or otherwise busy around the domicile. This applies to all types of relationships, whether you been married forever, dating for a while, “just f*ckin’”, or traveling on weekends to spend time together. There are just some tendencies that men develop over time that women perceive as bad habits that men just can’t shake. Ain’t no Betty Ford for this sh*t, son.
Drinking Straight From the Container (But you knew this)
Just assume that every container in your fridge has been drank from, except maybe your milk. Maybe. The process of getting a glass, grabbing some ice, and pouring a drink can sometimes be an exhaustive process. Sometimes you’re not that thirsty, all you really need is a quick swig from the bottle in the fridge. What you call lazy, I call efficient time management. Think about it, we’ve been doing this since we figured out how to walk. We’re actually helping the environment by not using a paper cup or running water to wash a glass. It’s heroic, really.
Video Games
Most of the time your man has to himself is spent playing video games. This is the only time that he can get his video game fix in, without having to pause the game to grab something off a tall shelf that doesn’t say “beer” on it. Unless one of you owns a Wii, women usually aren’t fans of video games. They may attempt to watch you play once or twice, but just hinting about playing a game of Madden will prompt a woman to exit the room. I’m sure you’d like to think he’s doing something worthwhile like working out or reading a book, but he’s really just playing NBA 2K10. After all, this is the only peaceful time he can play Xbox without you getting mad he’s not playing with your box.
Watch Porn And/Or Masturbate
If he has a stash of porn lying around on DVD, more than likely the aforementioned video game console is used to view their porn. Your momentary or prolonged absence is the perfect time to watch Pinky do her thing and rub one out. Being alone with our dirty thoughts is some of therapeutic time a man can spend alone. No one judging, no one watching, no one walking into the room and dropping their hot cocoa. Believe it or not we enjoy porn story lines and feel cheated when we have to fast forward to the nasty parts. Knowing why she’s wearing a wedding dress and a clown wig is much sexier than just skipping to the money shot.
Peeing With The Seat Down
Well, you wanted the seat down…there you go. Instead of going through the hassle of paying attention to the up/down thing, we’ve simplified the process by just resolving to let loose regardless of what position we find the seat in. Unfortunately if the seat is down, it’s going to stay down without a second thought. Of course, that’s only until you find an inappropriate time to bring it up…like when we’re playing video games.
Use Your Personal Effects
Ever wonder how men manage to keep their toenails trimmed despite not owning nail clippers? They use yours. That goes for every other random knick knack you own that can sometimes come in handy to men. His feet aren’t always that smooth…he uses your Ped-Egg from time to time. Your tweezers come in handy for getting those nagging ingrown hairs, and there’s just something about your body wash that is very relaxing after a long workout. And yes, he uses your toothbrush. I mean, unless you bought one for him, how else do you think he wakes up with minty breath?
In general, you can assume most of the unspoken rules that exist in domestic situations are breached by your man egregiously at every opportunity. If it’s any consolation, at least know that it’s not done maliciously, because as I stated earlier, these are age old habits that all men have had trouble breaking since the beginning of time. Any other petty crimes you’ve caught your man doing? Is it starting to make sense why your shampoo runs out so fast? Do share.
Up To No Good,
63 Responses to “The Sh*t Your Man Does When You’re Not Lookin’”
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My toothbrush, man?? MY TOOTHBRUSH??
Well damn…
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Lol this is a funny post. I spent the night at my bfs house last night and my toothbrush was wet. I asked him why and he claimed it fell in the sink when he was brushing, but there weren’t any other toothbrushes in there. He confessed to using my toothbrush. I know about drinking from the carton hell I do it too.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 11:01 am
How did you react to him using your toothbrush?
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Having a brother close in age, you realize some of these things a little early on… however, I did think it was only my brother’s trifling behind using my ped egg. *smh I knew it! All I’m saying is, can he dump it out when he’s done?! O_o
And yea… I wondered why my shampoo was so low when I only wash my hair once a week.
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This post is indeed entertaining. Unfortunately, I can’t publicly admit to any of this.lol.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Yo Tengo Superior Genetic Makeup Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 9:45 am
And that’s why we’re here….cuz most men won’t admit this ish to their SO.
RCLS cares about the community.
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 10:05 am
WOW RCLS….
I mean damn…why don’t you give them Men’s holy grail too while you’re at it…JESUS!!
I’m sure most females assume this stuff but assumptions are better than clear cut admissions. I mean we assume Barry Bonds took steriods but there was no admission…lol…we got to let certain things remain uncertain chief!…lolol
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Yo Tengo Superior Genetic Makeup Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 10:30 am
Bruce,
I could have done a lot worse, don’t you think?
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Lmao @ my toothbrush and Ped Egg. I dunno if I can share toothbrushes. That’s kinda awkward. But I love this post! I definitely feel like they get to that “What’s mine is OURS” way of thinking. It’s cute. ^_^
@Satya I’ve definitely drank from the container too. Lol all that getting-a-glass iish is TOO much work!
But yeah, not too many concerns, comments, questions with this post. Keep up the good work!
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LOL…Growing up with 7 brothers, I am all to aware of these things and more…y’all nasty, lol!
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I don’t know how I feel about that whole toothbrush thing.
The rest of it okay cool…
Great post! I’ma start swinging by here in the morning before work!
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I have never ever used a woman’s toothbrush. That’s too much. I rather use my finger or walk my behind to the store.
I aint gonna lie, I use my SO’s soap and face wash; her stuff works better.
Also, I now get manicures by myself
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Good list!! I onlt have one brother, but I know about all of this. In fact, my first introduction to live porn was from finding a random VHS in my brothers room. It wasn’t in a box or anything, just lying around in his junky room. Me, being a curious child, decided to pop it in the VCR. Whoa!!I couldn’t have been more than 10 years old. I was shocked, to say the least. And my young self was completely grossed out, yet, I sat and watched the entire tape. SMH…
As for everything else, yeah, I know. My ex told me he used to rub one out before I came over to the crib… just to get that first one out the way.
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I do a couple of these myself, no big deal. This was funny. LOL. using someone else’s toothbrush is just, not cool though!
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I’m glad he uses my toenail clippers. Don’t be gashing my leg with those feet-claws, boo.
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I wasn’t thrilled that he used it. In fact I thought it was a bit gross but I still used it. what was I gonna do, not brush my teeth at night and in the morning? It brought us closer lol. But I will take a new pack of toothbrushes Over there
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Peyso Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 11:56 am
Y didnt he have a toothbrush in his own house?!?!?!
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Cheekie Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I second this emotion. Like, he didn’t brush his teef until you came into his life?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
I was thinking this.lol. Like hmm, what was he doing before he used her toothbrush?
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MeteorMan Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
Maybe she took that “Upgrade You” song a little too seriously. lol
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Satya Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
lol- no i didn’t take that upgrade song to heart. When I first went to his place he had a toothbrush and every time until yesterday he had his own toothbrush. I dunno where his toothbrush went. I text him about this about an hour ago and he said he didn’t think it was that big of a deal and he bought “us” a new pack.
I think i’ll leave him alone about it. After all I do use his bump be gone cream
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Yo Tengo Superior Genetic Makeup Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:51 pm
Just be mindful, that small ass bottle of bump be gone be like $12…
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CVal Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Word…ish is expensive smh
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Satya Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
my tooth brush is about $5.39. I think we’re even
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Cheekie Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 1:42 pm
Oh, okay, that clears it up…I was gonna say, Satya you’re a savior for introducing him to toothbrushes. Like you were saving hundreds of people from having to cover their mouth in his presence. lol
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these are funny because i can see myself doing a couple of them. drinking straight from the container. i’ve done it since i was a child and i don’t imagine it’s going to stop anytime soon. watching porn. yeah, i’m not ashamed to say that i take in my fair share of the arts.
on the other hand using her products are a no go. unless i’m at her house and i forgot to bring something like lotion i’m not using her products. i have my own. her toothbrush? that’s just gross. peeing with the seat down. i don’t do that either. i don’t feel like cleaning up anything if my aim happens to be off. which can happen especially in the early morning or right after sex.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
“my fair share of the arts.” lol.
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Patrice Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 2:05 pm
HAHAHA! “Fair share of the arts”! I love it and I will have to use it when necessary.
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“And yes, he uses your toothbrush. I mean, unless you bought one for him, how else do you think he wakes up with minty breath?*
*GAG* I know ya’ll niccas can be nasty, but that is trife! That’s like some Dr. Oz revelation ish. Gross! Yeah, without a doubt there will be a second toothbrush should a mofo stay at my crib.
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Y’know what… Eff it.
Herbal Essences makes a brother’s hair feel silky smooth. Since I discovered it in 02, I’ve had a great appreciation for it. My hair becomes pure velvet. I will continue to buy Head & Shoulders for my home, but if shorty has some of that in her crib she should expect her stash to be a little lower than how she left it.
It’s just the way it is.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Yo Tengo Superior Genetic Makeup Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
The finest of silk son! And maybe it’s just me, but it makes my hair feel cleaner too…
Another confession…I use the conditioner at times as well. ::Kanye shrugs::
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Anger Management Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
This I wouldn’t be mad at if my boo did it, but PLEASE tell me why yall use so DAMN much, yall aint got that much hair!!
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CVal Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Like they said, it feels good. Sometimes you get caught up in the moment
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Got it in the air Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 5:36 pm
And honestly, unless we’re splitting the bills, it’s your shampoo, you gotta buy it back…not really our problem.
And if we are sharing bills…sheeeeeiit, half of it is mine!
^^^^^^^^
Win-win situation
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Cosign on this, but that toothbrush shyt is nasty as fcuk!
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WOW homie. I think this goes in as one of my favorite posts “of all time… of ALL TIME!”
After using ol’ girl’s toothbrush once or twice, she told me to just get my own to stay at her place. She made that recommendation about most things – “The Pack.” This way we can be spontaneous without worrying about missing basic necessities when sleeping over.
And luckily ol’ girl is down with playing the PS3 with me. I made her into a beast on Street Fighter. lol
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Yo Tengo Superior Genetic Makeup Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Yea…we gon need you to go on and write a “How to” pamphlet on that PS3 phenomenon
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MeteorMan Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 1:02 pm
Yeah mane… Go ahead and put me on the calendar. It’s been achieved after much experimentation. A side effect is that once your SO gets good, she’ll trash talk like something serious. Well, at least mine does. My 5 step program isn’t designed for those with weak egos and that can’t take a bit of competition from their lady. lol
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Drinking from Carton….Guilty
Shampoo….Guilty
Body wash….guilty
nail clippers…. guilty
razor…..guilty
tooth brush…absolutely disgusting! Id rather hit a quick gargle (Pause) of listerine and wait until I found my way back to my own tooth brush.
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*delurking*
I love this list, but I would kick azz if I found out ol’ boy was using my toothbrush.
Is nothing sacred? That’s just nasty!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Ya know. I could be wrong because I get names confused. But I don’t think I’ve seen your commenting name anywhere other than VSB. If this is true, this is a major accomplishment for 3 Ways.lol.
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miss t-lee Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
LOL!!! I comment here and there on different blogs just not as often as I do on VSB. I’ve been reading you kats for a minute (love the faith series BTW), I’ve just never left a comment until now. I’ll try to come out the woodwork a bit more often.
Keep up the good work.
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I live with my brother, and he does this stuff. Except for using my toothbrush. I try to stash away my shampoos and body washes…yet he still finds a way to use them.
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Nikki Aimee Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
Yeah. When my brother and his frat brother lived w/ me, they stayed using my Oil of Olay soap and tweezers.
When I wasn’t home, my brother would use my bathroom and I always knew because he would disorganize my magazines.
I’d think to myself, “Now what’s he doing reading Vogue & Harpers Bazaar??”
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I haven’t caught my man doing anything, but I had to say that this post was funny as hell, LMAO!
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is it bad that me, as a girl, do all these things too LMFAO
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Whew! Only thing that caught me off guard was the toothbrush, I shall always have an extra on deck, cause I won’t share that!
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Ha! Love this post!
Personally I think it all up for grabs, whether you know it/like it or not, once you let that person into your life (house)…toothbrush and all.
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This was hilarious and sooooo true! I’ve seen my brother/ father/ex-boos do all these things…boys are gross…also, to add to the list my father sneaks to use my mom’s perfume sometimes…says it attracts more women when they smell a woman on you…shady shady daddy
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 3:08 pm
“my father sneaks to use my mom’s perfume sometimes…says it attracts more women when they smell a woman on you…shady shady daddy”
Extremely shady! What the hell?! hahaha.
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Great post!
I caught an ex drinking from the juice carton once so, I snuck up on him and scared him… made him spill the juice all over himself and onto the floor. I laughed so hard and then told him to clean that ish up. That’s what he get :-p
I found out he [the ex] was the one using up all my damn baby wipes too. That irked me.
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Do you wash your nasty hands when you finish using the bathroom? Im thinking No…..nobody is coming outta the woodwork on this one cause ya’ll know its triflin….wash your hands fellas!
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Seattle Washington Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
Oh I wash my hands. Preferably with the most expensive soap you own, barring it seems like a potpourri bag. And then I plan on using Nikki Aimee’s Oil of Olay (or some Shea Butter if you have it) to make sure my hands aren’t ashy. It’s all for you anyway.
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QueenT Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Thats a good look.
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Got it in the air Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Yep, especially if you got that expensive good good, not only do we wash our hands, we actually wash them surgeon style…that’s right, all the way up to the elbows. You never know what awaits on the other side of that door.
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Nikki Aimee Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
HEEEYYYY!
I didn’t know why but now I see the reason I got returned back to site… Mr. Washington trying to use my Oil of Olay *smh*. I can’t have nothing!
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The Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, Got it in the air Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 5:41 pm
And I’ve been guilty of the baby wipe thing. They make toilet paper seem cruel and unusual.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
January 27th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
I thought babywipes were just to wipe the kids off her belly?
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This is a great post. Hilarious indeed. I have brothers so I encountered all of this growing up. I don’t think they’ve ever used my toothbrush because that is so disgusting, but with men, who knows?
Also, I absolutely love video games, so I never leave when it’s time to play.
But again great post!
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You know I’m cool with the porn thing I just wish he wouldn’t act like a hooker in church when I come sit down to watch too. Shoot, where do y’all think we learn to do all that stuff you like?
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I had to laugh at the following statements because it was so true about my ex-boyfriend:
His feet aren’t always that smooth…he uses your Ped-Egg from time to time. Your tweezers come in handy for getting those nagging ingrown hairs, and there’s just something about your body wash that is very relaxing after a long workout.
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Wow this is really funny.
I have extra toothbrushes in my house and the moment a man decides he’s staying over for whatever length of time, I set one out for him… even if he brought his own. Because I already know men do that mess.
And yeah, this dude I was messing with, I let him crash at my place for the weekend when I was gone once, and when I got my cable bill the next month, there was $85 in porn charges… Who the hell watches $85 in porn when it’s free online?? I guess he just had to see it on the flat screen. WTF. I was piiiissed.
Anyway, funny post. I like these little man tidbits. Makes me feel like I understand them (sike) just a bit more.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
January 28th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
I’m later than you Joey. I hoped you collected on that $85 bucks.
I’m guilty as sin on this list.
I just don’t understand how people can say “I have a brother, I know about all this stuff”. You know about your brother’s jerking off? I’m an only child (kinda), so maybe I’m just lost. I’d figure there were somethings you don’t share with family.
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