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So That’s What You Expect From Me?
So this is how I gotta show that I care?
(Shout out to Mr. Roarke for this one. He got the wheels churning. Time to get into it. Pause)
Boo Piece: What you eatin’? That looks kinda weird.
Leodus: Oh, it’s this energy bar. **Takes last bite** It’s actually really good. I eat one after I go to the gym sometimes. Helps me maintain my energy for the rest of the day.
BP: Oh, if you had some left I’d try it. I been looking for something like that.
**Leodus is walking home from the gym a few days later and remembers the BP said she wanted to try the bar. He goes back to buy an extra one so that she can experience the magic. Later that night, he drops by with the bar.**
Leodus: Here’s the energy bar I was talking about. Try it.
BP: **Takes a bite** This is pretty good. I’ma start getting these.
**2 weeks go by**
BP: Did you bring me that shirt from your place?
Leodus: My bad. I forgot.
BP: Damn. I wanted to wear that tonight. I told you earlier on text I wanted it. Do you ever think about me?
Leodus: Oh word? You have plenty of shirts to wear. I’ll bring it next time.
BP: I expected you’d listen to what I said and remember.
**Leo waits til they go to sleep then farts under the covers and pulls them over her head.*
Leodus to self: I bet she’ll remember that.
As a man, this is something that has annoyed me time and time again. Women often have a short term memory when it comes to random nice gestures. It’s been 2 weeks and the BP has forgotten that Leo bought her the energy bar that she said she wanted to test. She didn’t specifically ask him for it, but he remembered it on the way home and went back to buy her the bar so she could try it out. The fact that he forgot to bring her a shirt is going to override the nice gesture because it’s what she expected. And honestly, what she expects is part of the problem.
There are a lot of women out there with a high sense of self worth and expectations that come along with it. No, I’m not saying lower your expectations. Let’s get that out the way right now. But anyway, they feel that because they are the significant other that they’re entitled to certain things and can expect them from their man. Little do they know that it takes effort for some of us to do little things for you. The effort isn’t because we’re reluctant. It’s because sometimes we get caught up in the flow of life and forget. Other times we don’t do things simply because we know that within hours, the gesture will be forgotten because it’s expected or because shorty got used to the small acts. I know women that have dated really nice guys who did stuff for them all the time, but let that dude mess up once. There’s a chance she’d hold whatever he did over his head for 6 months to a year despite everything else. I can speak to this because I’ve been that guy multiple times before.
The ugly flipside to this? I know a lot of women who were dealing with a certified @sshole who made 1 nice gesture over 6 months and she’d cling to that one nice gesture as potential for greatness despite how much wrong he’d done and how little overall he’x demonstrated that he thought of her aside from knocking her spine out a few times a week. The ish is quite backwards and explains a lot of the strife encountered in the course of dating and/or being in a relationship.
I want to pose a question though. What is the man’s motivation to do anything nice for you if he knows it’s going to be forgotten simply because you expected it and think it’s standard? I can admit that I’ve been a guarded individual and wanted to avoid getting taken advantage of and ending up being the simple and absent-minded negro that gets dirt done to him. So when I made even little gestures, it required me to fight off a side of me that I found detrimental to the relationship. Bringing home some movie tickets or flowers would get me through a night and I’d reap the reward, but come tomorrow I’d be right back at zero. A disagreement over the course of the next day or week and an “inspirational chat” with her girls could have her shutting down and going numb and dumb for days or months.
Part of me blames these r&b songs and romance movies for these expectations. Why? Well in these movies and songs, it’s usually the man aggressively pursuing a woman and confessing his feelings or describing the perfect sweaty night. That’s great and I think a man should be doing these things, but what about you ladies? Are you noticing the little things he does and what are you doing to reciprocate beyond the day that he makes said gesture? Relationships are a 3 2 way street and they can’t work if you need to see miracles just to feel that a man cares.
For those women that have successful relationships, please drop some knowledge on ‘em. For those that are single or on the rocks, do you think you’ve taken notice of the little things men/your man did for you? If yes, did you think they were enough? If not, what do you think contributed to that? For the fellas, have you encountered this? What type of little things have went ignored or forgotten and left you saying eff it?
My Memory is Only as Good as Yours Girl,
69 Responses to “So That’s What You Expect From Me?”
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The little things really do count. I can’t sit here and say my STM hasn’t kicked in and made me forget about the nice little things that have been done. But eventually I go, “Oohh yeah. NOW I remember. Thank you babe. I owe you one.” *slick smile followed by slicker actions* But for the most part, I do remember the little things. Like the unexpected massage, picking up a certain thing because I ran out last time, etc. It’s not our fault. We’re usually worried about the here and now. No one is perfect…
Plus, if I’m proven wrong, I always accept it and make up for it. (giggity goo)
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Sukez Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:54 am
Oh yeah! The rest of my comment:
“The effort isn’t because we’re reluctant. It’s because sometimes we get caught up in the flow of life and forget.”
I’ve heard this from so many people [guys], I’m starting to believe it. You get so wrapped up in life, you forget about some people and what have you. Ehh fxck it. I do believe.
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I’ll admit I’m probably guilty of forgetting the random gestures, but its only because I feel like I do little things all the time without really being appreciated, and when I ask for something you forget! When my man doesn’t remember to do something that I’ve asked him to do, or to tell me something important it really makes me feel like they are making no effort at all to remember. I do stuff and remember stuff not because its really important to me but because its important to my man, because I think he will appreciate it and I don’t really expect praise for it, just reciprocation. “oh I forgot” is a horrible excuse cause you probably didn’t even try to remember!! ….then again I am single so maybe I’m wrong lol
P.S. I didn’t think this topic would get me that damn worked up lol…I needed to vent
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Sukez Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:50 am
*e-hugs and pats back* It’s okay. Get it all out. Lol
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Kriola Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:51 am
LMAO! thanx, I feel better now
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MadScientist7 Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:19 pm
“oh I forgot” is a horrible excuse cause you probably didn’t even try to remember!!
how did you know he didn’t try. what if he honestly forgot? you do know that happens sometimes? smh
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Kriola Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 6:47 pm
yes yes I know…I am bitter from relationships past where damn near everything was forgotten
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Women are like NYKers
“What have you done for me lately”
at times if you’re not perfect, you suck. Its hard to believe but true. It is what it is. lol
Good post
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For those that are single or on the rocks, do you think you’ve taken notice of the little things men/your man did for you? Yup, they are everything with me! I don’t need extravagant things to be done all the time but things like a text saying that i crossed that person’s mind could get me through a week or more (i keep them in my phone)!
If yes, did you think they were enough? Of course, I like to do little things for someone i care about so it is definitely enough for me.
I’d say more but i’ve been busy all day and just wanted to comment…this was a good post…
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Cant front this is a two part thing.
1. You definitaly have to make sure that this woman is even worth doing these little things for and two…
2. it took me a while to figure this out…DONT DO SO MUCH..yea i know it sucks but take a tip from the bad boy do less and people apperciate it more this applies to men and women.
You cant change people only yourslef dont try to understand it just accept it.
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Or you can cheat and make reminders in your phone…
But I’d argue it goes both ways. My girl does so much sh*t for me that I probably dont say thank you for. But that’s what I think a relationship entails. Doing small sh*t for each other and maybe we’ll both appreciate it
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Seattle Washington Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:40 am
I had an ex get mad at me for plugging reminders in my phone and I never understood that reasoning. Would you rather a dude remember or do his best to remember?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:27 am
Yeah, that’s foolishness. I did something similar and it landed me in hot water.lol.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:32 pm
I put my reminders into my phone for like every thing…i don’t see the issue. I much rather a guy that has some sort of mechanism to remember than not…and why penalize someone for something that i do as well?
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max Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:51 pm
That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard #noCliffHuxtable
Getting mad at your efforts to remember things just does not compute for me at all.
Honestly…I feel like it’s girls like this that make men just throw up their hands and say eff it.
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Nickerz Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 11:06 am
i put reminders in my phone..
if someone mentions something in passing that they like.. my memo pad is full of reminders.. i don’t understand why that’s such a big deal.. (re:Slim and Seattle..) some women need to calm the F*** down..
(a lot of people know this story)..
My ex forgot my birthday EVERY YEAR we were together.. i WISH he’d put a reminder in his phone.. i don’t care how he remembered, as long as he did…
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Kenya Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I live by my calendar. I can’t penalize someone for doing the same thing.
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I too have been in situations where I suggested that my shorty at the time take ginseng in order to help with her short term memory. It sucks. You do a lot that they don’t ask for & they’re somewhat appreciative. But if you forget one thing, it’s the apocalypse.
It’s enough for a good dude to say, eff this. Some women are outwardly appreciative & they have a way of appearing right when your lady is acting like dude from Memento. Don’t end up like the Cavs, looking around wondering what went wrong.
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Me and my SO stay on the rocks..regarding this subject. However, he doesn’t want to do ANYTHING…if he would do one or two things that I wanted/needed…we would get along just fine. We are in a LD relationship so he needs to step up to the plate more on face time..and his phone game lacks to.
Sorry, for rambling on about my issues..lol..but..I don’t co-sign this psst because I am not a woman who forgets small gestures..I’m a woman that will thank and praise her man..because I appreciate what he does when he does it.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:30 am
Yeah, I wouldn’t expect a co-sign if he’s really doing nothing at all. I can’t even co-sign that type of behavior. What’s his resistance if you don’t mind me asking?
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QueenT Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 7:51 pm
It’s selfishness..and taking me for granted. He doesn’t really have a legitimate answer for me.
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I think alot of it has to do with how we as individuals express how we care.
I’m a thoughtful individual across the board. Family, friends, boo-piece…whoever I care about. So if I know you like a particular brand of wife beater’s and I see they’re on sale why I’m shopping…it’s 2nd nature for me to purchase them. If I know you have an important meeting that’s stressing you out, I’ll send a text of encouragement or leave a card.
I assess how one cares for me (mostly) through actions, and that’s how I often show other’s I care.
If people like to “hear” expressions of “love”…then yeah, you’re little actions won’t count in a sense b/c they don’t perceive that as such.
Hope that makes sense.
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Nickerz Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 11:02 am
we’re >>>here<<<
i'm BIG on the "good luck" card.. or the encouragement text..
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I have horrible short term memory. horrible. my boo knows this and probably hates it. but seriously, my long term is awesome–so I think consistent acts of kindness are remembered. but they should be reciprocated. that way we all feel appreciated. BP in the story was wrong for snapping about a shirt in the grand scheme of the story–I agree with just how people get caught up in the every day life you forget to do those things, is the same way one may forget they received them *shrugs*
Labakir touched on love languages and acts of affection. I personally like gifts (that granola bar was a gift), physical touch and words of affirmation. But I guess that doesn’t come natural to many people…it all takes effort.
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I never forget acts of kindness, it’s the simple little things that make moments special and bring the most joy, thoughtfulness goes a long way and yes I think everyone should know their and their partners love language, pick up that book!
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Ive heard this story before and its not that the acts are necessarily forgotten, in fact I genuinely really appreciate the nice things guys have done for me. I have an issue when a dude thinks his nice act is so awesomely amazing, that it should be worth something. If you care, dont attach worth to a good deed. You should buy her that bar because you want too..buying the bar and forgetting the shirt are 2 different situations…so dont assume it was a forgotten and unappreciated act of kindness on your behalf.
So you forgot…it happens! If she harps on it…then thats another issue. But if this forgetfullness happens allllll the time…shes going to begin feeling like you dont listen to her and dont care…women tend to read into things…
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Orange Star Happy Hunting Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:40 am
Folks like to feel appreciated but @ the same time, anything you do should be done in the right spirit = out of love period, without expecting anything in return, that persons happiness is “payment” enough..some folks do take alot of things for granted til its gone tho!!!!!
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Kriola Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 11:33 am
naw eff that! You just being happy that I did something nice for you is not gonna cut it everytime, eventually that ish gets old!! Yeah I did it out of love but I want reciprocation!! you scratch my back I scratch yours.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:43 am
“I have an issue when a dude thinks his nice act is so awesomely amazing, that it should be worth something.”
I’m torn on this. I’ve dealt with somebody like that and it is wild annoying and flabbergasting. Yep, flabbergasting. I think the bigger problem for me is when the person makes one gesture, then sits on it and does nothing and waits for that gesture to be reciprocated. There’s a lot of tit (hehehe) for tat around this.
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I don’t think I have this issue as much b/c my love language is giving. Giving things to you, or doing things for you shows you how I feel about you. So I remember the acts b/c I’m looking for them to assess how you feel…
What is the man’s motivation to do anything nice for you if he knows it’s going to be forgotten simply because you expected it and think it’s standard?
With me, you wouldn’t need the additional motivation b/c I’m going to be giving right back to you. Besides my words of gratitude there’d be action behind it.
For those that are single or on the rocks, do you think you’ve taken notice of the little things men/your man did for you?
Yes.
If yes, did you think they were enough?
No. And I only say no b/c the gestures didn’t come often enough… only when I was about to walk away from the relationship. Like he knew… so *bam* appears some small gesture. He was kind of like the dude you described here: “I know a lot of women who were dealing with a certified @sshole who made 1 nice gesture over 6 months and she’d cling to that one nice gesture as potential for greatness…”
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 10:50 am
Yeah…that type of dude. Can’t win with him.lol.
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any of my ladies from twitter can tell you that i don’t forget anything that anyone has told me.. i’m also observant by nature, so i’ve been the one to stop by and get something because i remembered it.. or saw it and thought of you.. being the one that was in the position to get no gratitude, i can’t be that way.. because i know what it feels like to get no thanks..
it’s human nature to not remember the little things, especially not in the heat of battle (an argument).. but the little things do get you far..
i love a thoughtful person.. but i realize that someone can have an “off” day.. we just need to be a bit more understanding.. and calm the eff down..
#MyHumbleOpinion
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I’m a kind and thoughtful person and when it comes to someone I care about, my actions speak for themselves. However, I ADMIT that I sometimes expect more and am often disappointed when it doesn’t happen. I am the type of woman to do the little gestures here and there to show you how much I care and when you don’t reciprocate or I have to remind you…YES, it upsets me. I appreciate you, care about you and possibly love you. I’m not asking for grandiose gestures, or extreme acts of affection, just show me know how you feel.
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Who the hell is this Mr. Roarke prick? Sounds like a darkie that shouldn’t be trusted…
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I think some of this may be attributed to the woman feeling her man is taking advantaged of her. Generally speaking, women are givers. We give our time, our love, our affection, and in some instances, our money freely to those we love, whether it be family, friends, lovers. We also have a tendency of putting others before ourselves. So, when we feel this isn’t being reciprocated, we lash out. In the sscenario above, BP may have overreacted about the shirt. Leo cares about her enough to remember she wanted to try those bars. However, those bars are already in Leo’s mind because he uses them, and it doesn’t necessarily take extra thought to remember that BP wanted one. It was easier for him to remember. That shirt is not in the forefront of his mind, so it’s easy for him to forget. And, because BP cares more about her shirt than that protein bar, it’s easy for her to forget that Leo did remember that minor conversation about trying the bar.
For a lot of women, it is important that you remember the things that are important to them. If I tell you I hate roses, and prefer lilies, I expect you to remember that because it is an affirmative statement spoken to you directly. However, if we’re just chatting on the phone, and I mention that I’m out of some random household item, and the next week, you bring it by, I will be thankful that you bought it for me. But I will still be pissed if you bring roses. lol. Because, even though I am happy you remembered something I said in passing, I expect you to remember things I tell you directly. And if you need to put it in your phone, or have a picture of lilies as my picture when I call, then do that. I would rather you put forth the effort to remember than keep feeding me the excuse that you forgot.
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LaBakir Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 11:56 am
Excellent points made about someone making “direct statements”!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:03 pm
I have thoughts brewing on this too. After lunch though.lol.
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Reecie Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:25 pm
excellent comment. I agree 100%
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Aight, belly full…
I would expect that if I forgot something you asked for that you’d be a bit miffed. That’s understandable even if I done did good recently. My issue is the “you don’t think about me” or “you don’t care” nonsense that often gets thrown around despite those little gestures that have been made along the way without true provocation. Let’s assume that Leo (based on a real person and incident) isn’t a forgetful fellow and just happens to not grab the shirt because he was rushing around all day. Let’s also assume that Leo fears being taken advantage of and that’s what makes his random gestures even tougher. Her questioning his feelings is a slap in the face and destroys his motivation do things going forward. This right here starts the vicious cycle.
Despite my Devil’s Advocate scenario, I think this is a great comment and direct communication is a huge issue. It’s something that most of us suck at.lol.
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Reecie Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Leo has issues re: fears being taken advantage of. his gestures aren’t so random then is how I’m taking it.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:09 pm
“I think some of this may be attributed to the woman feeling her man is taking advantaged of her. ”
So does BP. They were made for each other.lol.
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Reecie Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:49 pm
why be with someone if you feel like they are taking advantage of you?
sounds like somebody needs to chuck the deuces.
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MadScientist7 Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:17 pm
i call shenanigans. so men don’t give freely of themselves? also i know a lot of stingy a** women. so poppycock.
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Its always right to find a balance of romance. I recently discovered I’m out the honeymoon phase of my relationship (3mths) so now shits getting real. But I refuse to leave that phase so I send little dancing e-cards and little fun “surprises” in the bedroom (don’t give all the tricks up to early) and it keeps a little spark buddin. Its takes two to tango and this is the man I wanna dance all night with.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:02 pm
I gotta a long response to this brewing…
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Late Subscriba Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:08 pm
watch ur mouth!! lol
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:20 pm
After eating lunch and struggling with the itis, my response has been condensed…
Your honeymoon phase sounds a bit shorter than the average one I had. Nonetheless, when it draws to a close and the real “fun” begins, you quickly find out what y’all are about. Your determination to make sure things stay pleasant is where a lot of people fall through. The phase ends and the relationship just goes to sh*t because nobody wants to put in the work.
Oh yeah, I wrote a post specifically about the peachy phase. Umm, here it is.
http://www.threewaystotakeit.com/peachy-phase/
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I have a very thoughtful man. While he was courting me, I thought it was all a front but it has gotten better as we have grown together. I asked him why he is this way and he said it is because I always remember the little things he does. He said it always makes him want to do more because he knows its appreciated. He also reciprocates by acknowledging the things I do, I realize what he was talking about because it also makes me want to do more for him. His best acts of thoughtfulness are not monetary and I love this.
One of our strengths is how much we appreciate each other. This has affected the way we relate to each other. We fight fairly, the little things don’t get in the way of our relationship and we have a better sense of togetherness.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:03 pm
How long have yall been together?
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iLoveit Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:04 pm
Almost 3 years.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:12 pm
I’m intrigued by your relationship.lol. You’re well past the honey moon phase and it sounds like what many of us have been striving for. Hmm….tea and crumpets with you and your man?
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iLoveit Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:39 pm
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Slim, I’m tempted to think you’ve been having conversations with my SO. I know I’m guilty of making my guy jump through hoops, and he has hurled himself through the majority of them no matter how illogical he might have found them to be. However, when he says no or doesn’t do something, I become the meanest Puerto-Rican this close to the Potomac. And it takes a lot to calm me down and make me see reason, and by that time, he’s all discombobulated. My poor guy.
So when I read your blog this morning, I began to think I should tell him how much I appreciate all the many little things he does. He angered me before that happened, though. I’m still going to tell him, but not until he apologizes.
I recognize that I try to grade his actions based on what I would have done. That isn’t fair b/c we do not think the same, and if I bothered to stop recalling everything he’s done wrong and acknowledge everything he’s done right, in spite of having to put up my temperamental BS, maybe my relationship will last past Labor Day.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Glad you cooled off and commented.
Lol at not telling him you appreciate the many little things he does until he apologizes. Question though—why is it that you think you make him jump through hoops? I have some ideas in mind, but don’t wanna assume.
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this post is right on time. as someone who has a fantastic memory (long and short), i find selective memory when it comes to such things bothersome.
i find selective memory bothersome because it borders on the selfish side. you expect me to do right all the time and when i don’t it’s a problem. it cancels out everything that i’ve done? well what about you? often the person who has the selective memory often forgets about what THEY do or don’t do. smh
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I think I’m going to change professions and become a psychologist, and only study the minds of men. How
The little things we don’t expect do count. But do they outweigh all the other things you forget or don’t check for? Probably not. Random nice gestures aren’t what’s expected and how can they be come the standard when it’s random? BP spoke to homeboy directly and reminded him to bring the shirt, and he forgot. When women say something to you directly….we do expect you to remember it, IF you care about us. BP mighta over-reacted though with the “do you ever think about me” but that’s what we do. Oh and that was REAL mature…farting in bed. Men…*eye roll* lol
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I do remember the little things- I’m just better at remembering the big things.
Plus I think more likely to say- you never do the sh!t I ask you too but you’re quick to yell if I forget to set the dvr for true blood! That’s cool -bet.
I like to keep my arguments relevant to the topic unless you’ve got a seriously erroneous long term issue.
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I feel you on this topic Slim. Although I tend to think that this is a phenomenon we see more often with women; I had this experience myself in a couple of relationships.
I think someone else said this, but I believe a lot of this has to do with upbringing. I was the oldest child in my house growing up and as such was constantly expected to do for everyone else. As a result I a)have a constant need to please and always feel compelled to go out of my way to do things for people I care about and b)am extremely aware and overly grateful when people do things for me; because I’m not used to it at all.
On the flipside we look at my little sister – baby of the family, small and frail growing up and not expected to do anything else because she had older sibs to do everything for her. Now as an adult she rarely takes it upon herself to go out of her way for people; will do what she’s asked if she remembers but she’s not taking any extra steps to ensure she does. And she is extremely blase about what’s done for her…she was brought up being catered to and it’s completely unspectacular to her now; it’s just what she expects.
Does this have anything to do with your post? I’m not sure anymore. But there’s my deep thought for the day.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 3:03 pm
That def relates to the post! You just reminded me of my only childness.lol. Great comment!
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max Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Thanks Slim! It took so long to write it I honestly couldn’t remember what I was trying to say by the time I got to the end.
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A lot of women get this idea in their head that a man is supposed to act a certain way, rather than just letting him act HOW HE IS! When women (or people) have expectations, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. No one should expect their S.O. to act how THEY want them to act. Instead, the dating period should be a time to observe someone’s behavior. Do they pay attention to things like in the protein bar scenario? Are they forgetful about EVERYTHING?? (that means it’s not personal, it’s just how they are in nature.)
It’s not lowering expectations…it’s adjusting expectations. Women especially are notorious for having an image and idea in their head of how they want things to go and how someone should act…without taking the time to consider are these ideas even realistic for the person you’re dealing with??
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“Do you ever think about me?” was out of line and might speak to unresolved issues/resentment on BP’s part. It could be unresolved issues with Leo, someone else she dated before him or her upbringing.
If I really wanted Leo to bring the shirt he would have gotten at least one reminder. It sounds like BP is testing him: “If he cares about me he will remember this insignificant thing I’ve asked him to do.” I hate tests.
As far as Leo is concerned small things are gravy. The big things are what matter. Neither the energy bar nor the shirt were big things IMO. He did get a little defensive with “You have plenty of shirts to wear” but he WAS being attacked.
My philosophy is that I everything I do is because I want to do it for someone. I don’t keep track or mark off each deed you do to match up with my deeds. If whoever I am seeing doesn’t give of self because he wants to, I won’t be around long. It’s annoying when you know folks have a mental checklist of everything they have done for you. It’s not because they care but because they want something in return.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 22nd, 2010 at 6:20 pm
You bring up some really interesting points in the first 2 paragraphs. Given that this is based on something from reality, I think there is some resentment going on. I also have waged war against people with the mental checklist. Drives.Me.Nuts.
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If both people in the relationship are both “giving” individuals, it shouldn’t be a big deal if the person forgets. The problem comes in when the other person hardly ever does anything and when they do–they want a gold medal.
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As someone who’s gone years w/o……I miss having someone to do all the little things for….men you are not dating don’t really care when you remember things…
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Anyone who calls an energy bar good is a liar and therefore anything you conclude from their words or actions is null and void.
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There’s so much fluff around your point. A man should not have to think excessively about being nice and a woman shouldn’t expect him to. Relax. Breathe. Being sweet all the time is annoying anyway, do something important. A jerk is more likely to be productive than a pansy.
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