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Miss Jenkins Adventures in Growing Up, Vol. 3
As a twenty-something year old woman, I feel like there are a lot of things that affect the way I think about my life as it is now, and where I want it to be. People often tell me how “together” I am, or how they admire my drive and such. And while, I appreciate the compliments, sometimes I feel like I am driving with no particular destination in sight. Not because I don’t have goals. But I think I may want to do too many things. What those things are, I’m not sure.
But for right now, I have to start thinking about getting a job. This idea is scary as hell. And these economic times aren’t making it any easier. Will there even be any jobs available when I graduate? Where should I begin looking? Last fall, I was all gassed because I was going back to school, and thought I’d be able to escape unscathed by Bush’s screw ups the recession, but things aren’t looking too good. As a result, I’m heading into this next school year feeling a little uneasy, and strangely unmotivated. Its like the idea of having to think about the next steps of my life are pushing me to want to do nothing. I’m sorta just floating by right now, and I can’t really afford to. I’ll get my ish together soon though. I hope.
When I talk to older women, they tell me to just “enjoy being young,” yet I hear some women say they would never go through their twenties again. Well then…thanks for that supportive commentary. And when I ask them what was so dreadful about their twenties, they can never really articulate it. So I’m starting to wonder if its all this thinking and not being sure what’s next that makes this time so annoying. Or maybe being able to look back on these years from a place of being more secure in who you are and where you are going will make all this uncertainty look silly and pointless. But then again, who knows when that sense of security and such will ever come.
When it comes to men, these same women say don’t settle, and enjoy being single, yet ask where my boyfriend is. So I’m not really sure what to make of that. I’ll just keep doing me (pause?) on that front, and just wait for things to happen as they may.
I guess I am just curious about how other people experience this twenty something age. People speak of the midlife crisis, but what about the quarter life crisis? What questions are you all trying to answer? What are you all thinking about as you get older? Any major worries or concerns? Or you all comfortable where you are?
Miss – I kinda wish I could go back to undergrad and stroll my worries away- Jenkins
26 Responses to “Miss Jenkins Adventures in Growing Up, Vol. 3”
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Tiff – your mind can’t stop thinking about “where you’ll be, what you’ll be doing” at this stage in your life. This is totally understandable. Just don’t get so far into your head that you neglect to make moves. What you’re essentially trying to do is read God’s mind, which I’ve never seen work. At this point all you can REALLY do is try to prepare yourself for what HE will throw your way – job, volunteer, man, whatever. That’s the problem with endless possibilities – endless choices. lol, you’ll get through it.
What really happens as you get older is not so much that you get settled, but some doors will naturally close and others open that you weren’t aware of. Example: I got a degree in creative writing and had my heart set on becoming the next Great Black American Poet when I was 22. In other words, I majored in panhandling. Today I manage a public affairs team for a gubment agency. I wouldn’t have gotten to my position without a lot of creative writing. This is a gig that keeps my creative mind sharp, pays the bills and gives me a little time to still write my poetry and stories. But if you asked me at 22 I wouldn’t have been able to even imagine the job, let alone articulate how it would fit into my life.
I think you’re entering the “seasoning” stage of your life. Major events – both good and bad – are on the horizon. Your will and sanity will be tested. But, just based on your writing and sense of of yourself, I think you’ll be much stronger on the other side of your 20′s.
There’s a quote I read somewhere: “Youth is wasted on the young”. What I think a lot of older women mean (this one included!) when they say “enjoy your 20′s” is that they wish they had a 30′s mentality in a 20′s body, lol.
Bottom line: Trust yourself. You know more than you think.
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although i’m kind of in the same boat at you, i’m really enjoying my mid 20′s. with this economy and me graduating within the next year, i’m worried about what i want to do when i graduate.
i’m more about living in the moment because i know once i enter the work force and start having kids, i’m going to miss a lot of things about my life as it currently is. i say just enjoy your last year of school. keep doing what your doing and worry about everything else when you get to it.
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I’m definitely in the same place, and a lot of what you said I hear all the time. “Don’t settle” and “Enjoy your twenties”. When I know the same people will be looking at me the minute I hit 30 and asking me where my husband is. To which my reply will be “I was enjoying my twenties and not settling and he passed me by, thanks for the advice SPINSTER!!!”
But seriously, don’t worry so much about what everyone else says. I was confused about what I’d do after grad school, and when I graduated, everything just fell in place like only God’s grace could have allowed. Just stay focused, and YES have fun!! So many of my friends are married and poppin out babies left and right already, and last year (during my quarter-life crisis), that made me really jealous and sad, but now, I’m like… Really??? I’m jealous of having to get a babysitter and pay a brick just to hang out with my girls?? I’m jealous of going out with (and making whoopy with) one man for the rest of my life?? I’m jealous of two people “in love” struggling financially and emotionally because they didn’t get their ish together before they settled down?? No thanks I can wait.
Like Anon says up top, when we worry about the future, it’s like we’re trying to tell God “I don’t trust that You are actually all-knowing and all-poweful and have total control of my life. I think I’ll start devising my own plans in case You don’t come through…” Bad move. Our plans SUCK. Just do your best, and let God do the rest.
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Berriblk Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 11:25 am
“So many of my friends are married and poppin out babies left and right already, and last year (during my quarter-life crisis), that made me really jealous and sad”
OMG, this happened to me last weekend when I found out and old S.O. is having a kid (another one bites the dust)….but I had to slap myself for having such impure thoughts (My judgment was clouded by all the facebook “congrats” lol). We’re too young for this foolishness and I need to stay focused.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Word!
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Well @ 35 I have to say I would never go back to my twenties if I could either or any age for real, not because it was a bad decade or anything but just because when you get a lil age and seasoning=life exp on you, it makes one tastier =more confident, wiser, “bigger badder faster wetter” Esthero.
Esp when you have really taken care of yourself, the 30′s is a very Sophisticated Flyyy decade for sure.
Yeah just take one day at a time, don’ t look too far ahead, try to live in the moment at any age.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Hmmm. That seasoned thing sounds like a good look.
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“Yeah just take one day at a time, don’ t look too far ahead, try to live in the moment at any age.”
I completely agree with that statement. The best thing you can do for yourself is stay PRESENT. When you make the most of your now in every way, later tends to work itself out.
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I’ve been there and often revisit the mid-twenties crisis. The main thing that keeps playing over and over in my mind is “this can’t be all life has to offer”. I continue to think this as I sit in a cubicle that although as changed locations has given me the same type of work to do for 6 years.
I want so badly to just close up shop take off and do me, but it’s not that simple….or is it? At this point I’m leaning towards just doing that
I am convinced that life starts in your 30s which is why I try to eat as healthy as possible, exercise to maintain the sexy, & eliminate debt so that by the time my 30th hits I can be debt free and really enjoy life.
I think the twenties is all about trial and error…embrace your brokeness, failed relationships, and live w/o regrets.
I think it’s perfectly normal to experience a mid-twenties crisis, I mean how else are you supposed to gather your thoughts and propel forward?… those who do not experience a mid-twenties crisis will end up like the movie stepbrothers and experience it eventually anyway lol
oh and the recession being a concern? we are not the 1st generation to go through an economic drought..what goes up must come down? & with every problem there is an opportunity
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
I feel you girl! I like your POV. The bad times teach us to enjoy the good that much more.
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Reecie Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I agree with this wholeheartedly. I’m closer to 30 than 20… so I’m tryna get ready! I actually happily look forward to saying goodbye to the twenties….
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I completely and totally understand where you are coming from. I’m 23 and it seems like my entire life is a contradiction right now. When I was in undergrad, I couldn’t wait to have my own money, car, place etc. Now that I have it… I really want to back to school! Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but being an adult is for the birds.
I thought that getting a J-O-B making $60k would be the life. I thought I would have all sorts of cash to buy fabulous clothes and sip martinis in the city, only to find out that between my loans, credit card bills, living expenses and food, I am left with NOTHING. And it sucks butt!
I want to say that I want to wait until my late 20s to start looking for a husband, but I can see why people get married early… dual incomes! I keep thinking, “Man, I could really use some new jeans… maybe I should get married…”
On the other hand, there are other pressures that prevent you from completely enjoying this time. My mom is 62. She will almost certainly have Alzheimers in about 10 years, cuz it runs in the family. (My grandma is talking to trees at this very moment.) So, now I’m thinking, how selfish it is of me to want to hang out and drink martinis when my Mom won’t be able to enjoy having little bitty grandkids cuz her own kids are too selfish to reproduce before she goes loony. So, I guess I am feeling a little rushed right now… but I don’t want to rush and end up with something that I don’t want…
All this and I have a job! I have great benefits, a car and such. But I don’t have friends (no sipping martinis in the city for me). I live in the friggin woods. My job is the only thing that provides me any type of satisfaction. So every morning, I wake up and think “Where the Hell am I?!?! and “What am I going to do about it?!?!”
This is certainly not how I envisioned spending my early 20s…
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Joey Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 11:45 am
lol @ “Man, I could really use some new jeans… maybe I should get married…”
Dual income is nice, but mo money = mo problems. At least with your own money, you don’t gotta explain to nobody what you’re doing with it.
You live out in the woods girl; why you need new jeans anyway?!?!? lol.
You are WAYYY young to be thinking about having babies. If you have them just so your mom is around to see them, you’ll resent her, and I’m sure she wants that even less than she wants to have grandkids. Tell her it’s her darn fault for having kids late in life (im keeding im keeding). But seriously, that’s what I tell my Mom and she just says… Yeah you’re right.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
“Man, I could really use some new jeans… maybe I should get married…”
Ok, the above quote? Made my day. I am so saying this during my vows. Like, “Baby, you are the air that I breathe; I walked in darkness, then saw you and there was light; You are the credit card for my True Religions”.
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Well I couldn’t have written the post better myself and it’s exactly where I am in my life at the moment.
I appreciate the comments above as well.
But I’m trying to gather up the wisdom now, so I can live my twenties in the same body, but with the added grace. =)..I think it’s possible.
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As I’m about to embark on my quarter century birthday tomorrow, I have to majorly co-sign that there is a quarter-life crisis. It’s like this feeling of unrest…with yourself…with your future. It’s a sense of still feeling young, but having a clearer idea that you’re about to become old(er).
I think the best way to describe it for me is a threshold. It’s like this line drawn that I will cross and become a changed woman. Probably for the better. I’d like to think so.
However, this past weekend of foolery still says I have one foot in the young buck world and can party like a rockstar (totally dude). Then again, it was a “grown and sexy” party and folks older than me were acting the damn fool. Age is truly indeed, just a number.
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Joey Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 11:40 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEEKIE!!!
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CHeeKZ O'brien Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Tomorrow is your birthday?! Word.. you know what that means baby?
*Jeremiah Auto-Tune Voice*
Birthday E-Sex
Birthday E-Sex
Gotta get that E-spot, E-spot
J/K Happy Birthday to the Best E-Boo.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Youse a hot mess. ‘Tis why I e-love you so. Thanks, honey.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Thanks for the early wishes, Joey, girl! Imma break out the e-confetti for real tomorrow, though. I will be the plummest of plum fools.
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Miss Jenkins Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Happy Early Birthday boo!!!
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Cheekie Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Thank you kindly, girlie!
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Got me commenting from my blackberry while sitting in a car looking at the mobile version of our site.lol. I tried to @reply stillwater, but failed. But yeah, I feel you on the older parent thing and having kids. I’m in no hurry to skeet sumthin up, but I do want Slim Jackson Jr. to have time to spend with his grandmother. It’s also part of the reason I won’t move too far from home (5 hours max) at this point in my life.
Come to think of it, I have way too much responsibility…thank goodness I have time to drive and reflect in the mountains right now. Ahh, this is the life.
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One thing about life it don’t give a damn about your plans, so if having a kid aint part of the plan then don’t have em.
My moms died a year after I got out of nyu, I was supposed to be born 2 to 4 years after my sister I was born in ten.
Have a plan relative to your station in life (best believe at some point Oprah put one into play) then leave that up to God (doesn’t he help those that help themselves?) adjust it accordingly, last one of my best traits is I don’t look back, f- the nostalgia!
“It” wasn’t that good back then anyway!
In the end take all the advice but apply what fits.
As for men, well being an invisable brother myself I realized women have issues with men depending on age and social circle in other words IMO yall flip flop usually to appease the crowd you runnin wit @ the moment.
Pick a real stand up guy and find him or if you found him work with him. A chick ( older) told the then 24 year old Temps “even the women that are just jumpoffs try to approach em like she could be your wife”. That was the last time I dated women sans degree, too many kids or just aint about nothin,( wearing that “I aint go to college and I’m so hood” on their sleeve aint a good look!
But as for the ladies…so many I went to school with got out and the 1st fool doing better than an ex con she ran out and had a baby with, to that I say once you get it on after college, don’t comprimise your success with giddy teenage girls infatuations with killers, snakes and thieves or men who act too dam fly and macho. If he can’t be “him” around you the the realtionship is doomed.
Last, try new things out all the time and stay reading broad topics once outta college.
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I’m epically late to the party, but I’m still going to walk in with my bottle of Jack, drink and give you advice like an old school Greek.
You’ll be straight Ms. Jenkins. As my man Temps said, if you have a loose structure of a plan you’re cool. Everything else is up to life itself. What will be will be. And all those cliches.
Better said than done I know, but the recession, dickhead employers that don’t realize your greatness and finding a “good” man are out of your control. So no point in harping over it home skillet.
In the meantime, come back and party with the kid. Next time Slim will be in the area and we can show Boston how to take it three ways. No pause. No KY either.
::Taking my bottle and going home::
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Few days late… but always on time am I.
U just gotta keep doing u girl. I always find myself telling other people and telilng myself “i wish I was back in HS” or “I wish I was still in college”. I really do echo on those statements alot, but it begins to make me realize that the present time is the only time that matters.
As for the future, I am dead on with you. I think I just want to do so many things in life that confusion arrises from the multitasking.
Point I am trying to make, is enjoy the present time as much as possible. The moment right now is all that matters. That way, when you do reach your 30′s, you wont find urself like me or those other women who were saying, “Enjoy your youth”. Truth is that I am going to act like I am 12 the rest of my life, whether the future fiancee likes it or not.
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