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What Is and Isn’t a Man?
Yeah, I had to think about it too.
For the last few weeks, I’ve been sitting on a topic that comes up daily in the real world and in online conversations. There’s been a lot of talk about wack men, good men, manly men, men who blow backs out, men that have been pussified, emasculated, denigrated, and whatever else you can probably imagine. I’ve read posts from men telling women to let them step up and be the man, and I’ve read a good number of articles and social media outbursts telling men that they need to step up to the plate and be better at 1 of a list of probably 1,000 things. I’ll be honest. I’ve grown tired of the “Men should…” banter from the chronically unhappy. I know that for as long as there are relationship blogs, it will be an ongoing topic. I don’t like it, but I’ve accepted it.
There’s a question that has repeatedly come to mind while reading these posts and listening to the chatter. I’ve found myself asking what exactly is a man? Aside from chromosome make-up and obvious anatomical differences, what is a man in the eyes of male that is 2X years old like myself? If you asked me a few years ago, my answers would have been completely different…though I guess that’s a given since I wasn’t 2X years old then. But anyway, as I continue to go through life’s experiences I can see that some things aren’t as important as I once thought and other things that I once deemed meaningless are now critically crucial. So bare with me as I take you through my thoughts on what a man is, isn’t, and may require at times. I sat down for an hour trying to figure out how to format this post and this is what I came up with in no particular order…
A man is capable of recognizing when he has serious problems in his life and takes the steps to seek the help that he needs. It doesn’t matter whether this help comes from a friend, family member, or a licensed professional. A man does not unnecessarily carry a burden on his back that could be shared with someone(s) that cares about his life or knows how to help him get it back on track.
A man is more concerned with the quality of his relationships than the number of women he’s conquered over the years. Sleeping with 100 women or being able to get 5 numbers a week at the club doesn’t make a male a man.
A man is not just a big d*ck, stamina, and a smile. I say that because I hear too many women saying they need a man who can lay it down in the sheets before they say they need a man that will treat them right. Getting “handled” right is not the same as being treated right. There is a difference.
A man doesn’t just pay child support. A man develops a relationship with his kid(s) regardless of the circumstance to ensure that nobody grows up hating him and that he doesn’t create another statistic. Women aren’t the only ones that should be nurturing.
A man can admit when he’s wrong even in situations where he knows it may be held against him down the road. Along these same lines, a man knows when to fight and when to walk away. He understands the bigger picture and that as he gets older, the implications of his actions grow in significance.
A man is capable of acknowledging his weaknesses and embraces his strengths. He knows that he doesn’t have to prove anything to anybody else until he has proved it to himself. Where he struggles, he works on it. When he fails, he gets back up. When he realizes something is impossible, he understands and looks for an alternate path to his goal or works on something that he knows he can change.
A man is able to talk to a woman about his emotions and run the risk of “getting emotional” in the process. If she doesn’t allow it, he knows that it’s time to find another woman.
A man takes care of his health because he wants to live long and not because he wants to show off.
A man needs regular compliments and to feel wanted. After all, a man is human.
A man respects his mother. Without her, he doesn’t exist.
A man knows that family always comes first.
A man doesn’t hold doors, carry groceries, cuddle, hold hands, or say “I love you” because she expects him too. He does it because he wants to. Related to this, a man can’t know everything and anything. Once again, a man is a human being.
And lastly,
A man knows when it’s time to finish a blog post and turn it over to the people. What is or isn’t a man to you? Do you disagree with anything I’ve listed here? After all, this is my opinion. It’s your turn to share yours.
Your Favorite Occasionally Positive Blogger,
79 Responses to “What Is and Isn’t a Man?”
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First, great post. Second, I have the same issue when I see a gajillion posts on what a woman needs to be/be doing in order to get and/or keep a man. So, I feel where you’re coming from. As far as your list, I think I could count the number of men (as defined by your list) I know in real life on 1 hand. However, that makes them more valuable to me. I would LOVE to meet an eligible man with the qualities you’ve listed, I think your list is PERFECT. That said, I also think it’s a little unrealistic, but that is just from my perspective.
Sidenote: I had to think back to see if I’ve ever said the qualities I look for in a man include blowing my back out. I’m pretty sure I’ve never listed this above anything actually important. Phew *wipes forehead*. It would definitely be icing on the cake, but if it’s a good relationship we’d talk about what we needed from eachother in that arena and make it so.
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First of all I’m reading and commenting from the club so excuse me if there are typos or I don’t make sense.
When I was growing up I had an uncle named Ben. He was what trini people call a saga boy…well dressed, always had a nice car, hot shoes and a fresh lineup. So of course uncle Ben also had nuff
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L. Dejean Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
You’re Trini? If so, you are awesome…#thatisall!
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Getting “handled” right is not the same as being treated right. There is a difference.
^^^PREACH. TABERNACLE. GOSPEL. AMEN. SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST!
What is or isn’t a man to you?
1) A man also knows how to uplift & support those around him, especially those who are closest to him i.e. family & friends. 2) He’s got to be able to give compliments as well as he receives them.
3) If a man has a daughter, he shows her how a man should treat her once she is old enough to have relationships of her own.
4) Not only does a man respect his mother but all the women in his lives as well as the men in his life.
5) A man knows how to not only provide for his family but how to work with his wife or fellow head of household to put together earnings so that the best life possible is made for the family (Everything does not have to be on his shoulders). He is also the rock of the family but knows he can go to his fellow head of household or other family members when he needs someone to lean on.
6) A man knows how to forgive those who has wronged him just as he expects forgiveness (#shoutout to streetz)!
Do you disagree with anything I’ve listed here?
No, i don’t disagree with anything you have listed (well, every man doesn’t have a big peen…#imjustsayin but #idigress)…they are all very real & true. A man is so many things, especially if they are a real man (which is everything you have listed).
This was a great post Slim! You really did put a lot of thought into it.
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savoirefaire Reply:
November 23rd, 2010 at 11:58 pm
4) Not only does a man respect his mother but all the women in his lives as well as the men in his life.
I am glad to hear that someone feels that we need to respect the men in our lives. We always show respect to our mothers, and other women, but we have fathers or other men in our lives, whom we have watched and gleaned some information on what a man is supposed to be, and we need to show repsect and honor to them also. Great point!!
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“A man knows when it’s time to finish a blog post and turn it over to the people”
this made me laugh because it was some brevity in a serious spot.. lol (it’s the little things.)
this post was nice, slim..
i know i’ve said this before.. for me, a man is able to calm me down without having to raise his voice.. i know my future husband will need this trait as i’m to be submissive (as a wife)
i’ve only met one person that can do this.. it’s only one person, but i know they’re out there..
i think your list is great..
i’m sure i got more, but i’m a little unfocused now..
i’ll be back.. terminator..
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this is a good post. personally i really can’t stand when i hear a woman say “if you were a man…” or “a good man would…”
how can a woman define what a man is? that’s like me telling a woman “well you know if you were any type of woman you would…” it just doesn’t add up.
i agree with everything that you wrote but i wanted to highlight a couple.
“A man is able to talk to a woman about his emotions and run the risk of “getting emotional” in the process. If she doesn’t allow it, he knows that it’s time to find another woman.”
-as much as “emo dudes” are discussed on this site and sbm i’m surprised that this was even brought up. personally i’ve never had a problems discussing how i feel. i think there is a difference between letting how you feel be know and being overly emotional.
“A man respects his mother. Without her, he doesn’t exist.”
-my mother is my life. she is my biggest supporter. even though she is not as affectionate as i would like i still love her to death. i don’t remember the last time we said i love you to each other. matter of fact i don’t know where i get my affectionate side from because it’s certainly not from either one of my parents. my mother is who is she is.
“A man doesn’t hold doors, carry groceries, cuddle, hold hands, or say “I love you” because she expects him too. He does it because he wants to. Related to this, a man can’t know everything and anything. Once again, a man is a human being.”
- i think i touched on this in my comment on sbm with the death of chivalry post. you are absolutely correct. a real man shouldn’t do these things because he feels obligated to. he should be doing these things because as a man he feels that that’s his duty. if you’re raised in that manner then it will become second nature and you won’t even think about it. you won’t worry if it makes you look weak or if you look like a simp. honestly if you don’t then imo, you look weak. *shrug*
once again. good post.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 12:07 am
how can a woman define what a man is? that’s like me telling a woman “well you know if you were any type of woman you would…” it just doesn’t add up.
^^^I think a woman can provide SOME insight into what a man can be just as a man can provide SOME insight into what a woman can be as long as it isn’t to tear down the other person. I think that many of us have a perception of what the opposite sex can or should but those of us here are putting it in a positive context. Women who have grown up with a positive male influence can see when a man is one or is working towards becoming a better one just as a man who has grown up with a positive female influence can see the same in women. IMO
“i think there is a difference between letting how you feel be know and being overly emotional.”
^^^#Agreed
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MadScientist7 Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 12:34 am
“I think that many of us have a perception of what the opposite sex can or should but those of us here are putting it in a positive context.”
problem is when the statement is made it’s hardly in a positive context. it’s (neck rolling) “well if you were a real man you’d …” i imagine yvette from baby boy. *shrug*
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:07 am
This is true…this is where knowing how to talk to one’s partner comes in & speaking their love language…I’ve never said such a thing to anyone and if i have, it was a sincere “I wish that -insert a more positive sentiment that i wish would happen with said person here-” so that it doesn’t seem that I’m verbally attacking them (my love language is words of affirmation, can you tell?). I think when we are being raised, part of it should be how to treat your mate the right way but some people aren’t even observing the right way, none-the-less being taught.
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MadScientist7 Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:20 am
” I think when we are being raised, part of it should be how to treat your mate the right way…”
this is good in theory but it’s hard to teach someone to treat another person the right way when you were never treated right.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 3:28 am
And this is true. I wish that everyone could say that they were treated right but the sad reality is that they aren’t. My mother and I wasn’t always treated right but somewhere along the way, I developed a sense of how i feel i show be treated and in kind, how i should treat my mate (the five love languages also helped with that more recently in my life’s journey). I was also lucky to bare witness to some successful marriages (the majority outside of our race) that let me know that all the positive things i believe in in relationships between men & women are possible with the right knowledge of your partner.
This is where we should be trying to break the cycle of maltreatment and advocate more healthy relationships within our family and community structures.
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Reecie Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 9:08 am
“My mother and I wasn’t always treated right but somewhere along the way, I developed a sense of how i feel i show be treated and in kind, how i should treat my mate”
Ditto. and I’ve been meaning to the Love Languages book. I had picked it up and everything at Books A Million, but walked out because they didn’t have the Sookie Stackhouse book in paperback, lol. I will be getting it soon…
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 12:21 pm
This book is life changing really (#Shoutout to Slim for suggesting that book) so i suggest getting it soon! If you are in NY, i’ll loan you the book as long as i get it back! lol
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streetztalk Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:05 am
Excellent post and excellent comment.
You 2 are truly the good bruhz
nothing to add. Im tired n*ggas!
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:09 am
Go rest my dear streetz, you worked hard on that last post on SBM! You deserve a hug ((((Hug)))) (my secondary love language is physical touch, lol)!
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Lol I warned you!
Anyway he had nuff women despite the fact that he had a wife and kids. One time he was giving my dad a run down of all the jobs he was good to do and my dad was like – but you have kids, wouldn’t you do anything it took to feed your kids? And he was like hell no! My dad was like I’d shovel sh*t if that’s what it took to provide for my kids.
To me that’s what makes a man…you’ll do what it takes to so right by yourself and the people you care about; without letting pride, vanity, laziness, evil baby mothers, the man, whatever get in the way of that.
Okay I’m going back to my party now!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 11:52 pm
I’m looking at your avatar here, which are your feet, and laughing my ass off because I can imagine them shuffling around on a sticky club floor while you try to focus hard on getting your comment out.hahaha
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 12:01 am
To me that’s what makes a man…you’ll do what it takes to so right by yourself and the people you care about; without letting pride, vanity, laziness, evil baby mothers, the man, whatever get in the way of that.
^^^That’s how my father is (He’s Haitian though…my mom is the Trini & has the same spirit)…He dropped out of College after i was born & took up a job working on cars (he paints & does some body work)…he is far from perfect but he worked long hours & weekends & never took time off so that he could pay off the house so we would always have a place to live should anything ever happen to him.
I hope that my future mate has such a spirit too but will know when to take time for himself so that he doesn’t get so worn out that he has regrets later on in life.
LMAO @ Slim!
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Sassy Island Gal Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 12:23 am
Amen!! Yes!! My dad and Mom have the same spirit. My dad sacrificed his private retirement savings to send me to school in the US because it was my life long dream. *tear trying to curdle at my tearduct*. My mom pushed and tried to sell cakes and funds to send money to me. Look these are people to aspire to. My dad will rather die than see any of his women suffer (he had all girls
. He’s frustrated when he can’t provide or make my situation better and it warms my heart. That’s a TRUE MAN. He defends my honor in every way bc of his integrity and character. He doesn’t need to be this and that…he just is.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:12 am
My dad is like that for the most part but as far as defending my character, not so much. My father has his flaws but he took care of what he felt was most important and made sure that education came first because that is how his parents were too. I got a lot of my support from my mom & paternal grandparents. All of them made sure that I was never without the things i need and that i had what they may not have.
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max Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 4:02 am
Hahaha Slim never let it be said that I don’t love Three Ways (pause?)
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*stands up slowly* *applause*
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 9:40 am
Sit.
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Good post!
My first thought while reading this was now you know how black women feel with all of the blog posts and news articles about why we are single, why we need to be open to other races, why black men are with non-black women(which is never discussed in the correct context). Now that I’m over that, I agree with your list, but I would add the following that a man…
–is not afraid to admit when he is wrong.
–is not afraid to show emotion, even if his “boys” think he’s being emo.
–checks his boys when they are wrong.
–is a leader, not a follower.
–takes responsibility for his actions.
–knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them, know when to walk away, know when to run.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:13 am
–is a leader, not a follower.
^^^#Agreed!
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 9:08 am
“–is a leader, not a follower.”
I disagree. Everyone cant be a leader. Ppl just need to follow better people
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Reecie Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 9:50 am
yeah that goes for both genders.
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Anonymous Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 10:45 am
I agree. Everyone can’t be leader of an organization or a corporation. Everyone can’t be POTUS. However, as it relates to family, friends, your household, then yes, I say every man can be a leader within those constructs.
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N.I.A. naturally Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 10:46 am
Sorry, I’m Anonymous.
She is I, and I am her.
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This was a Gorgeous post!! love love loved it!
The one thing that separates a male from a man– he knows “When” Reading this was a superb breath of fresh air. The people who raised you must be proud! Great job Slim!
I’d add – A man knows that no one but himself defines him. Strip him bare of his possessions, job, and whatnot but his integrity and character still remains. He knows that’s his definition above all else.
A man knows that respect is automatically given when all the aforementioned traits you mentioned are manifested in him.
There’s no need for him to assert himself- his authority is a given.
We women know exactly when a “male” and a “man” enters the room.
Even the women who lack much sense will straighten up there stance a little bit. Sigh..I miss the days of a man walking into a room and just commanding your attention & respect with his presence. It still happens sporadically but here’s to hoping it will happen more often.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 11:00 am
“I’d add – A man knows that no one but himself defines him. Strip him bare of his possessions, job, and whatnot but his integrity and character still remains. He knows that’s his definition above all else.”
This is critically crucial. You may have just given be another post idea.
“We women know exactly when a “male” and a “man” enters the room.Even the women who lack much sense will straighten up there stance a little bit. Sigh..I miss the days of a man walking into a room and just commanding your attention & respect with his presence. It still happens sporadically but here’s to hoping it will happen more often.”
This is interesting too. I think this gets more into an individual’s personality. I wanna think about this a bit more.
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Superb post Slim. I’ll definitely retweet. A couple things you stated that resonate with me.
#1 A man is capable of recognizing when he has serious problems in his life and takes the steps to seek the help that he needs. It doesn’t matter whether this help comes from a friend, family member, or a licensed professional. A man does not unnecessarily carry a burden on his back that could be shared with someone(s) that cares about his life or knows how to help him get it back on track.
This is crucial. Many black men don’t seek out help, advice or mentorship when they really need it. Trying to do it alone only leads to frustration and bitterness. What you said above cannot be overlooked.
#2 A man is more concerned with the quality of his relationships than the number of women he’s conquered over the years. Sleeping with 100 women or being able to get 5 numbers a week at the club doesn’t make a male a man.
Alot of men underemphasize this in ny opinion and miss out on really connecting with a good girl. I think alot of men end up regretting the one or several that got away because he too caught up in the wild life.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:16 am
I think alot of men end up regretting the one or several that got away because he too caught up in the wild life.
^^^a Few guys from my past came to my mind but one in particular who got married but came chasing after me a year into his marriage…smh
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Extremely well put Slim, at this moment I can’t think of anything to add or argue with- thank you.
jabulile
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good post and ishh.
Once thing question:
“A man is more concerned with the quality of his relationships than the number of women he’s conquered over the years.”
By relationships, we mean more than a SO type relationship correct? BC if a man doesn’t have a responsibility of having an SO, what is to stop him from sleeping with 100+ women. Its almost like saying you have to have an SO and be loyal to be a man.
That make sense.
What I THINK you mean is that a man can’t put ‘getting some’ above his relationship. Sound ok? It is doesn’t matter if the relationship is a platonic friend, homey, fellow gangmember, or family. A man has his priorities in order.
Also on:Respect your mother. Can someone define respect? Cause I will be honest, your boy falls short on this one depending on where you draw the line.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 8:18 am
Hmm…
I’m not saying this post is gospel. If you think your amendments or definitions for a few of these make more sense, that very well may be the case. I’ll have to get back to you on defining respect. Got hop on the train (not that one).
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 8:59 am
you know what I am trying to prevent.
Some heffa hoping @ a future point in time yet to be determined:
Heffa: Yeah you dumped me and are sleeping with a bunch of women. You aint a real man! And your boi Slim Jackson agrees with me.
Innocent Male: But I left you for a legitimate reason. And these women that I am messing with are all respectable ladies who are comfortable with the situations. As grown single people we have the right to enjoy each others company. Also, who the hell is Slim Jackson?! I’ma go on his blog and throw hate. grrr.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 9:18 am
dead. graveyard.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Innocent Male: But I left you for a legitimate reason. And these women that I am messing with are all respectable ladies who are comfortable with the situations. As grown single people we have the right to enjoy each others company. Also, who the hell is Slim Jackson?! I’ma go on his blog and throw hate. grrr.
^^^#Slain! Tupac. Biggie. (Sorry, couldn’t resist…R.I.P. to both)
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“I’ve grown tired of the “Men should…” banter from the chronically unhappy”
ha, now you know how it feels to be a black woman. we are tired of hearing what we should do as well. ok back to finish reading…
awesome post. I truly made me smile. I think you’ve outlined manhood very well. now to read the other comments.
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nyhoop Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 10:38 am
ha, now you know how it feels to be a black woman. we are tired of hearing what we should do as well. ok back to finish reading…
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS!!
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 11:14 am
And of course the black woman somehow makes this post about her
jk jk jk but not really
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Good post bruh. I have one addition:
A man knows, realizes and understands that in order to be a man sometimes you have to do things that arent “manly” #pause and that those un”manly” things make them more of a man
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DeSmiles Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 11:05 am
Excellent addition. period.
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A man enhances the life of women he deals or has dealt with in positive ways be it platonic freinds or lovers etc, when she leave the situation or recalls, its filled with good loving thoughts and light.
She is not used, broken, heart or otherwise, dogged out and shattered… a man doesn’t treat women this way.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 10:26 am
I really like this one. Good stuff.
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I liked this, especially “Getting “handled” right is not the same as being treated right. There is a difference.”
So many of my friends wanted a man that’ll handle them. But what ever happened to being treated right? I can gladly say that they’re changing those words. Like Sane said, your list is PERFECT and I’d love to find that. But is it realistic to find that in one person? I mean, after all, we’re ALL human, like you said. I’m no robot. All those lists about what women need to do, I’m sure I don’t have the entire list down pat. BUT this isn’t about us right now.
I support your list. Great post Slim. =)
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Slim,
Can I ask a personal question(s)? How would you rate yourself amongst what you define a man to be? What has been easier to do than other things? How much has changed in the last 5 years?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 10:49 am
I have some work to do in a few areas. Some things I haven’t had the opportunity to do and wouldn’t wanna do right now…like have kids running around. But if I did, I’d write about it.lol.
I wrote a post on things I suck at a couple a weeks ago, a few of which are things on this list. Work in progress indeed.
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nyhoop Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 10:56 am
Yes, I remember the post. Good ish my dude
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This is a great post and reminds me of how few “men” are and how abundant boys are. Not saying that you have to have every single one of these to be a man but recognizing that this is the direction one should be heading and working on it is what makes you my type of man.
I really like the last one of about wanting to hold doors and groceries- my cousin was living with us for a while and he would never let me walk on the outside of the street or not hold a door for me and it impressed me so much that it’s stayed with me all of these years. I don’t necessarily use it as a guide stick for whether or not I’ll date a man but when I’ve seen a guy make sure that he’s walking on the street side of the sidewalk I’ve given him extra points….
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 10:51 am
I actually didn’t know this street side of the sidewalk thing was a big deal until the last few months. I was never taught that and nobody ever mentioned it to me, then I read about it in a comment here. I thought it was worse to let her walk on the inside and have people bumping into her shoulder. I understand it now though.
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Orange Star Happy Hunting Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 11:40 am
thats that old school Slim, it derived from pimps walking they ho’s streetside.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:33 pm
I actually believed this.lol.
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Please Excuse Your Significant Other Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 11:49 am
LOL @ Orange
But Slim, dont beginning of that chivalrous act isnt very chivalrous. It began when Europe begin having multiple floor buildings. They hadnt developed a way to efficiently hand their trash so people would just throw it out the window. The man would walk curbside so it didnt fall on them.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 12:34 pm
i never knew there was a specific side of the street to walk on either….and i open doors for myself…being from NY, i’m used to it…dudes in AL would do it & i’d thank them but it was hella weird to me when they first started doing that!
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CHeeKZ Money Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:26 pm
I actually want to applaud Slim for leaving chivalrous acts off the list.
That is a completely different topic that is based off of customs and not character.
chivalry is dead, Gary Coleman.
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L. Dejean Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 8:06 pm
In the south, it isn’t completely dead but its on a respirator!
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DeSmiles Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 11:48 am
Good stuff Little Miss Sunshine. A lot of women and men alike don’t know about some of the things you just stated. I happen to know because I have had a male role model (uncle) in my life that has shown me things as well as a couple of platonic male friends who happen to do the same. These are on the chivlarous tip….
Things they do:
-Opens ALL doors (cars too)
-Walks on the outside of the sidewalk
-When crossing the street, they walk on the side where the traffic is coming and switch accordingly
-Pays for most things (yes, I know this one is debateable) however, I’m telling you my experiences
-Addresses and speaks to all (males and females) when entering a room
-When walking through a group or crowd of ppl, they lead by partially standing on the side and back of me with a hand close to my back (this allows them to thwart any harm from ALL sides)
-When eating, they wait until you are seated and ready to eat too
-Carries packages (not purses)
-Takes hat off when entering a building (yeah, a lil oldschool LMAO)
-Makes sure you get home safely
-When conversing, they care about emotional responses
-They give genuine compliments without an agenda behind it
-THEY PAY ATTENTION
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Little Miss Sunshine Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 3:05 pm
All I can do is hope that chivalry is not dead!
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This is a really great post……
‘A man is capable of acknowledging his weaknesses and embraces his strengths.’…..
you couldn’t have defined it better. So many ‘boys’ i have met that find it so hard to acknowledge their mistakes.
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Great Post Slim Jizzle!!!
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The Honorable and Rather Articulate Award Winning RightCoastLexSteele, LLC, Dark as the Night that covers me Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Pause.
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I hold only a little contention w/ these two here. Not complete contention but some.
“A man needs regular compliments and to feel wanted. After all, a man is human.
A man respects his mother. Without her, he doesn’t exist.”
The prepositional phrase at the end of the first sentence of former. I don’t agree. I think that men want to feel needed is all.
& the later a man respects both of his parents because w/o them he doesn’t exist. I blame the feminist movement for this. I think that they could have been a little more careful w/ their words in order to prevent the negation of needing men for their roll. Things are more overt for women “show and prove” if you will. Whereas w/ men it doesn’t need to be such a grandiose production.
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WuDaMan Reply:
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:35 am
Or at least I have formulated an opinion on these two statement.
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A man is the backbone of his woman and whatever he needs to be in order to be that for her. A woman is whatever her man needs her to be for him to be that for her.
Experiences make a man or woman so either role is a compliment of the other if the experiences are complimentary as well.
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Great post. No time to read all the comments at the moment but I will say that I agree with what Slim said 100%.
There’s a great man who sits across the table from me and expresses to me just what he thinks is and is not the right thing.
Therefore, my two cents is that a man is one who has conviction and knows where he stands. He is also able to make others see his point of view in educated and eloquent way without forcing it on them.
Great job Slim!
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Slim Jackson Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Thanks! I see you making the blog rounds today!
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Not Only his mother but his sisters as well. Being The Oldest of Seven Kids that’s was important to me. A man is a human being and from this post I can see that you were talking about growth and that’s all a man can really do. Grow and learn start off as a root then become a Tall tree on a brooklyn block lol
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Excellent post! I had to email a few men I know. Nice breakdown and THIS:
“A man doesn’t just pay child support. A man develops a relationship with his kid(s) regardless of the circumstance to ensure that nobody grows up hating him and that he doesn’t create another statistic. Women aren’t the only ones that should be nurturing.”
I’m biased to this statement but niiiiiiccccceee
My father (who is a great man) said to me that being a man was to be able to lead, love and provide. Lead your family in the right direction/protection. Be able to love your woman/child and provide for them. I guess this is his core as he didn’t go into detail. Everything you listed is spot on though.
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Slimuel L. Jackson Reply:
March 10th, 2011 at 6:32 pm
Thanks! Word up and all that good stuff.
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Wondering what people think about a man being “someone who financially supports his family” aka, a man needs to have a job.
I have mixed feelings on this. As background, when my mom was pregnant with my older sister, my parents were both laid off. So, my dad left his chosen profession and got a job at the MTA. Did he go to college so he could drive a subway train for his entire professional career? No. But he had a family to support, so he got an MTA job with good benefits and made sure his family could eat.
However, I now know several people with husbands out of work who can’t get a job in their chosen field. therefore, the husband isn’t working at all. I often wonder how I’d deal with that situation: sometimes I think I’d want my man to just get “a job.” But sometimes I think maybe I’d just be ok with being the sole financial supporter of the family and would wait until he finds a job that both makes him happy and puts food on our table.
What do you guys think?
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There is no real arguments against this post, I would be the first person to want to aspire to be a strong ethically sound MAN…
Trying to argue without putting women in the equationiCANT… I will leave it at that…
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Adonis Reply:
March 11th, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Actually I can…
A man has to be comfortable with the fact that he will experience DEATH at some point, and live each day to the FULLEST…
Goodnight
Good Post
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Aweee Slimster this is a great post and a lot of comments make sense here…. man turning into a man …it takes time and wisdom….
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Classic Post, Slim and you hit everything right on the head.
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