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The Wingwoman
Bet You She Lasts Longer Than Goose
Wingwoman (n.): 1.) A woman, either heterosexual or homosexual, who is friends with a man and will often help said man meet and deal with women in various situations. 2.) A crucial, but not often used or highlighted part of the team.
I’ve known a couple wingwomen in my lifetime and man have they’ve made my life magical. It’s not just because they’ve set me up with more cootie cat than an animal shelter. Yes, I said cootie cat. Actually before I get into it, I just want it to be known – I have the utmost respect for my wingmen. How could I not, I’ve run with some soon-to-be Hall Of Famers. There are just some things that a wingwoman excels at.
“Yep, She Likes You”
We’ve all been there. You’re sitting in some bar, doing your best to read her signals. But it’s a little difficult this time. It could be the drinks, it could be the loud music or it could just be that she’s not being that explicit unless you’re in Atlanta. One minute she’s touching your arm during the conversation because you told that one funny story that happened to you that one time and the next she turns into Slit My Wrists Sally because the DJ cut Jay’s “Give It To Me” short. And there you are deciding whether you should go get it, stop and cut your losses or just make a U Turn. Well a wingwoman will accurately translate the subtleties for you and let you know whether you should holla or not bother wasting your time with that yamp.
They Won’t Even Know They Got Got
One time I went to this swanky, Euro lounge in Boston with my homie, The Woman Whisperer. We waded through the crowd, made it to the bar and I ordered my usual Stoli O and tonic. Once I got my drink, I turned to face the crowd, leaned against the bar and began to talk with my homegirl. After a few laughs, someone caught my eye. I looked left and I saw this pretty caramel toned young lady with curly brown hair in an off-white dress dancing over in the corner with her friend. We caught each others’ eyes for a moment and then I returned to my conversation.
Little did I know, The Woman Whisperer had taken notice. When the woman and her friend came closer, she started conversation with the unsuspecting woman about her heels. After talking with her for about two minutes, The Woman Whisperer smoothly transitioned me into the conversation and gave us the necessary bridge for us to begin talking. And since she’s an MVP, she knows that offense isn’t the only way to win a game. Once she had that mission accomplished, she started chatting it up with the PYT’s friend to stop her from cockblocking. …Salute!
You Start to Learn the Tools of the Trade
If you hang out with someone who speaks Spanish long enough, sooner or later you’ll be in leaning on the counter in your local Bodega with a bag of Fried Plantain Chips and Nantucket Nectar in your hand, talking about who the Knicks are going to get for next season en Espanol. “Papi, soy un testigo.”
It’s the same thing with wingwomen. I’ve picked up a lot of useful lessons by osmosis. After awhile you start to see a pattern like Neo in the Matrix. Somehow it’s gotten a little easier to tell if a woman’s into you, if she’s crazy and/or if she’s a bi or not. Pretty crucial stuff.
Wingwomen out there, thank you. Consider this an ode to you and all those wonderful women like you. Fellas, if there’s one that’s part of your team, I suggest you give her a hug and let her know you appreciate her. But if you don’t know one, I’m sorry. A wingwoman is like a smartphone – you don’t think you need it and then when you have one, you don’t know how you managed without it for so long.
Let’s declare today National Wingwoman Day. Fellas, do you know a wingwoman? If so please, share your best story. Are there any wingwomen out there? Well then let us know why you’re the best one out there. Let’s crown the best wingwoman today.
Seattle – Umm, That One – Washington
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No real comments on the post but the tags are hilarious!
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LOL! GREAT TOPIC STARBUCKS!!
Yo wingwomen have done me enormous justice in decoding the International Vaginal Treasure. I’d like to show love to my homegirl nicknamed Godiva! I’ll never forget one summer entering a lounge to meet up with my cousins and sure enough Godiva was in the building with the most exoctic female in the room called Ms. X . Ms X was being hounded at the time by ever male and female individual in the room respectively. Once introduced, I asked Godiva who Ms. X was and in one graceful swoop my wingwoman was in FULL EFFECT!
I had no idea that the seeds of my reputation had already been planted and she had pulled through in the clutch. This was all done without my knowledge. We exchaged a dance, some drinks and our numbers all within a half hour time frame. It felt good to know the work of decoding had been done & it was score! MVP of the night was definitely Godiva and to this day she remains the All Time Assist CHAMP!
Wingwoman are great to have in the aresnal especially if they have the respect of other females…FIN!
Awaitin for the next alley oop / give & go,
-BBW
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yeah i had one wingwoman in particular that’s absolutely great. she’s my ace in the hole. i will not reveal any stories on these internets but she’s great overall. ode to national wingwoman day.
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If this was twitter, I’d tweet: #feedthewolves
That’s what female “friends” should be, cause that’s what homies do for each other. I personally never really had a wingwomen… to me that shit’s like avatar.. some magical far off land where you bond with flying dragons and have sex in the temple of flowers wit a bad blue tribal Zoe Saldana.
I don’t expect that in MY life…
You’re truly blessed, Seattle Washington.
- GUNS!!!BUTTER!!!
PS – Did you ever smash ur wingwoman?
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Guns & Butter Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 10:55 am
addendum:
I meant to say I never had a wingwoman throw me the alley ooop. not that i know of, at least.
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 11:30 am
Wingwomen are a beautiful thing man. But to answer your question – nah, I never slept with my wingwomen. No need to complicate things.
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love playing the wingwoman for my boys- mostly because I love them but also because it’s just fun. My best wingwoman attempt now has my best friend walking down the aisle.
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Soy un testigo…. lmao classic!
Wingwoman should have their own section in the Hall of Fame!
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Can’t say I’m much of a wingwoman – I would certainly help my guy friends in the clutch….but my guy friends don’t need ANY extra help in that department. Dey some ole hoes, lol.
The best I can do for you is to not rat you out when (one of) the woman you’re seeing starts asking me questions. In that case, my lips are sealed. Codename: The Vault.
Oh, and I’ll try to talk some sense into her when she’s standing in front of your car with a brick in her hand and a tear in her eye. Codename: Captain Save A Ride.
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Guns & Butter Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 10:40 am
Bless you, Anna Nimous.
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Oh LMAOOOO @ captain save a ride and the vault….girl they just don’t know…
Anyway being a wingwoman is quite fun especially when u like seeing ur boys happy and I definitely do. Great post. Good to know those of us who dabble in the wingwoman profession are appreciated
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If you aint got a wingwoman, you doing something wrong. That is all.
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CVal Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
Preach!
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feed the WOOOLVES!!
Lmao.
Yo. When you see a chance for a smashing to go down. Don’t hate. Just let it happen. Sure it may be your bestfreind, and you know that guy is not going to call in the AM. But lets keep it real, your girl is grown and can make her own decisions. And since you know the dude, you know it aint going to be on some Big Ben Bathroom type tip. Just let it happen. Let your male freinds, get with your female freinds.. and we can be freinds. Too many times, women try to keep them seperate. Don’t do that… attractive people need to be around each other, its good for the environment.
Another good hustle of wingwoman, is to show that you make a good platonic freind. Some of you may be saying “CHeeKZ? Why in the hell would I want her to see me in the freind zone” B/c there are characteristics of the freindzone that a girl would like to apply to a relationship. If you have no female freinds, chances are…. you are an effing goon. You are nothing about a personality, only her behind. But if she says you have a freind with no chex, she might trust that you are a little more trustworthy. Shows that you can listen. and its not always about looks and hooking up. Sometimes this backfires, she might think y’all have something going on and would want to stay away. But think of it like this… how do child molestors sometimes catch their prey? With the help of another child! B/c the kid will show more trust to someone who is already caring for someone like them…………
#justsaying
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Anna Nimous Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 11:47 am
Your corner seat is warmed and waiting for you.
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CHeeKZ Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Predators stalk alike…..
#NoLT
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BLaCk Bruce WaYnE Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
LMAO @ feed the WOLVES….LMAO!
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Hmmm, wondering if those who would function as effective wingwomen were hatin’ in disguise?? Hindsight is 20/20……nice post Slim
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Not sure what you mean Mr. Jones. Do you mind explaining?
By the way, Slim’s up on Thursdays. This post is my baby.
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I’ve been known to play wingwoman every now and then. Like Sunshine said it’s fun! I enjoy watching my boys try and #win, though sometimes I’ve had this all go terribly wrong. My fail stories are much more entertaining so I’ll share two quick ones:
Story #1 – I was at school and my boy, who was an alum, was coming up one weekend. He not only wanted me to cosign him hooking up w/ my roomie he also wanted me to “make it happen”. I threw him the sideeye cause I’m not setting out my roommate for you (seriously?!?!) also I was about to risk possible habitation hostility just so could beat. So his strategy was to start calling me ALL THE TIME, hoping that the roomie would answer the phone so he could put a bug in her ear before he got to campus. His phone game was (or lack thereof) got him not where, so when he finally got up to campus he started asking me for the hook-up.
While we’re hanging out at my place talking, my roommate called me to bitch about her long day and said she was on her way home from main campus. I told her we had company and asked her if she wanted a ride home since my boy had his car and wasn’t doing anything. I then sent him to go pick her up and came up w/ some excuse to give her on why I couldn’t come with. I figured win-win situation… she gets to skip the bus, and he gets his shot to seal the deal… I passed him the ball and left it up to him to make a play.
…I don’t know what “play” he made but she comes in the door and curses me out basically accusing me of “whoring her out to my friends”. This was a clear #FAIL! This happened like 8 years ago (damn I’m old) and I still don’t know what went to down but yeah… I had to resign from my post. I can’t help a man who clearly can’t help himself… SMH
Story #2 – I was having a TERRIBLE day… my situationship was going to hell in a hand basket. I didn’t want to hangout with the “I told you that n*gga ain’t s#it” crowd so I called up one of my boys and told him I needed to get out the house. He picks me up and takes me to the last place I needed to be… BOKUM.
For those who don’t live in DC, this is a West African/Indian haunt in Adams Morgan that no single American woman should ever enter unsupervised
unless you want to end up butt naked on a zebra with a bone in your nose and a plate in your lip. First, we had already agreed I should stop dating Africans and what my grandmother calls “island people”, so I don’t WHY he would take me Bokum, but his Jamaican a$$ grabs us two seats at the bar, buys me a beer and then just disappears leaving me looking like wounded prey, surrounded by hungryold Nigerianhyenas.He reappears about 30mins later to find me wearing my meanest stank face, staring down into my red stripe, trying to avoid eye contact at all costs. He’s accompanied by this Brazilian chick who speaks like no English. Neither of speak Portuguese, so we all attempt to have a conversation in Spanish. My Spanish ain’t the greatest but it far eclipses his and I end up playing translator. Homegirl starts asking me all these personal questions like “why are you two just friends, and why is he here w/ you but buying me drinks?” I laugh, translate and he gives me the blank stare and has no really good come back. I explain to her that we’re just good friend and I have a messy non-relationship.
After a while she starts buying me drinks, my Spanish starts improving and eventually my boy retreats feeling left out of the conversation. At the end of the night she give ME her number and invites me to a cookout at her house that weekend. He was kinda salty but honestly it wasn’t my fault. I told him it was karma for feeding me to the wolves to distract the other predators while he went to go hunt.
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Streetztalk Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 1:37 pm
LMAO at this entire post!
Island ppl tho?! LMAOO
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
My Gramma doesn’t like anyone… she hates white people, “coloreds” (yes, she still black ppl colored), “those damn mexicans” (this is what she calls all latinos, she believes they are the cause of everything from bad weather to potholes), island people, and of course chinamen.
She’s 81… I gave up on trying to get her to be politically correct years ago.
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MadScientist7 Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
why you hating on nigerians though? lol
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 5:00 pm
You’re from the DC area… you already know the truth of which I speak! lol.
Man…. Nigerian dudes (all of which are usually old enough to be my dad, not that THAT would EVER deter an African man) stay trying to pick me up in the club/bar/street/bank/deli, but they’re not as bad as the Cameroonian men… they are WAY over-aggressive, and let’s talk about the East African men… don’t get me started on Eritrean cab drivers and the loose marriage proposals. STOP IT!
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Andressa Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
OOOK, where is the mediation on this blog that stops people from disrespecting other people’s cultures? I’m Brazilian and Nigerian. Not really appreciating the comments. #justsaying
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Uhh, well for the record – that sounds like an amazing mix to me.
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MadScientist7 Reply:
May 12th, 2010 at 12:16 am
it really does. hmmm.
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Andressa Reply:
May 12th, 2010 at 10:37 am
why thanks!
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
I’m not trying to disrespect anyone’s culture. I don’t recall saying anything at all off color about Brazilians, meeting Mara (the Brazilian chick I mentioned) was an awesome experience. How often do you get to connect with someone from a different country utilizing a language that is neither of your native tongues?
As far as the Nigerian jokes, my apologizes if you were offended. I jest and nothing should be taken too seriously. My
strike outcomments are quotes from Eddie Murphy Raw and in reference to the Nigerian men who hit on me, I do get hit on by a large number of African men when I go out to certain clubs, many of whom happen to be Nigerian. There’s a pretty large Nigerian population here in DC. My girl who is often with me when I go out is also Nigerian (Ibo to be specific) and she shares my complaints and jokes about these situations abound. Conversely we also complain about the old American Black men who hit on us when we’re out. She asks why my grandfather is trying to get her number and I ask her why her grandfather is trying to get mine.Additionally, my middle name is Ife and so often Nigerian bank tellers, cashiers, and anyone in any other position where they’d see my ID get flirtatious once they see I have a Yoruba middle name.
Oh… and three Eritrean cab drivers have actually hit me w/ the bootleg marriage proposal in the past 4 or 5 years. Two in DC, one in NYC.
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MadScientist7 Reply:
May 12th, 2010 at 12:19 am
for the record i wasn’t offended. i was just pulling your leg.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
May 12th, 2010 at 10:14 am
I didn’t think you were… didn’t I warn you about playin’ with my legs
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MadScientist7 Reply:
May 12th, 2010 at 12:16 am
i’m saying though. it’s not all of us. you should try one out. you might like what you find.
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Love this post. My guy friend and I were talking about this awhile back about the benefits of having a wingwoman. Not only will she help you with some game and decoding but I don’t know if anyone here has pointed out that she can also assist when “linebackers, trolls, and h*es” start coming at your guy friend. lol. True story. I’ve seen it. And when I can see my friend is uncomfortable or just NOT digging this girl that’s trying to holla at him…in I sweep with the grace of catwoman to save my boy. This may involve presenting myself as his girlfriend, but that’s ok cause this friend will and has done it for me too.
What am I saying? Wingwomen/men are really good for cocking blocking (in reverse) and I can appreciate that. Can I get a witness?
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Seattle Washington Reply:
May 11th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
That’s the best part. There was an incident were I was talking to a woman through the lenses that Jack Daniels gave me. My wingwoman came through and saved me. Just one more reason I’m in debt to The Woman Whisperer.
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HAHAHA! Omg I got got by a wingwoman one time. Oh this is what happens at a cookout, during a bid whist game, after a few cups of goose – defenses come down. Admittedly she played her role perfectly and by the time I realized what had happened – it was too late. So, I would think if you had a good one, you could take over the world. Or something.
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As I was reading this article there was a remark that caught my eye. It was in reference to women of Atlanta. I know this is late, but I can proudly say that I am from College Park, GA (only 15 minutes from downtown Atlanta) and a 22 yr old female. And I really am a bit concerned about the reputation that Atlanta women seem to have! My boyfriend is from Texas and he always jokes about the “reputation” that Atlanta women are wide open groupies that either strip or are at least “down for the cause”. I knew that Atlanta was a big party city, but are we really that bad? lol maybe I am due for an intervention…
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Having a girl that’s confident and able to open conversations with strangers can make or break an interaction. Being a hired wingwoman is definitely a great way to meet people are make a little money on the side. I’m with a wingwoman service called Chicago Wingwoman at chicagowingwoman.com.
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