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Workplace Rules
I do a lot of recreational drugs, but I do remember the fine folks here at threeways giving our non-melanin inclined readers a list of things they shouldn’t say or do around their black co-workers. That’s cool and very necessary…how else will you know how to respect my gangsta? But I’ve come up with another set of rules that are colorblind, so even if you work at a HSBC call center in New Dehli, you can appreciate this.
Announce yourself
Unfortunately I’m not high enough up on the totem pole yet to have an office. I don’t even have a desk. What I do have is two strategically placed tables in a random corner with an “Office Space” like divider separating me from the rest of the world. For some odd reason, this gives people the idea to just walk up behind me and start talking to me or staring at my computer screen. So about twice or three times a day I either have an elephant sized cougar or a flaming metrosexual walking up on me and invading my personal space. No bueno. I need fair warning. You knock on other people’s doors, why can’t I get similar respect?
Tell Someone That Cares
Among the things I don’t get paid for, giving two sh*ts about the details of your life is one of them. Please believe me when I tell you I really don’t give a damn about your weekend, your buckteethed mama’s hang nail, the bar wench you banged that won’t return your call, or how great your dog is. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for a pleasant workplace, but if I keep listening to you, this is going to set a horrible precedent of you thinking that I care. That could lead to you thinking that we’re actually friends, and no one wants that, especially me. So the next time you have a thought, tweet it. Maybe someone out there will care.
Hands off the Merchandise
I totally understand that I am drop dead gorgeous and an icon for masculinity and sexual prowess. I get that. But please, resist the urge to touch me. I know you feel like the power of Christ compels you, but I talk to dude all the time and I know for a fact that he doesn’t compel you to do such things. I don’t care if you could be my mother or how much I remind of your son or the black guy that schtupped you in college, this is how I want my tie to look so please, leave it be. And I know that my traps and shoulders are awesome, but please Mr. Flaming Metro Man, stop with the “Bro” rub. (You know the one…the shoulder rub followed by the “How’s it going, bro?” Don’t act like I’m the only one this has ever happened to.)
B*tch better have my Java
Maybe in the land of dragons, unicorns and 30 year old virgins where you come from, coffee makes itself. But here in the real world, when you drink the last cup of coffee, the pot stays empty until someone makes more coffee. I know, it seems like magic because every morning when you show up the pot is full of brown gold and when you left yesterday it was empty. I understand it’s a hard concept to grasp, but just work with me here. I get very grumpy when I don’t have my fixes, and when I don’t get coffee, someone is liable to be killed. I wonder who will be my first victim? (I’m really not a violent person, I just play one on TV.)
These are just a few of the rules I think should be implemented around the plantation, not for my sake, but for the safety of the people who will likely feel my wrath if these rules are violated. Every work place or study environment is different and I’m sure you like to lay down your own set of laws, so please don’t be shy, do share. And remember, man can’t live by bread alone and the government doesn’t function without your hard earned tax dollar, so please, pay your taxes, cuz I need a new dishwasher. Thanks.
Ruling with an iron fist,
RightCoastLexSteele, Cocksman Pro Tempore
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Try being in a workplace where you are scolded for following the policies. Even worse is when that person scolding you is someone that does sh*t wrong nearly half of the time. Ugh! I mean, shoot, just because you feel comfortable doing something it doesn’t mean I have to do it as well. That is why you are you and I am me. And if you feel annoyed by me following the guidelines, then you need to work somewhere else.
Another thing, don’t wait until I leave to talk about it so that another person that is dumb as rocks can try to explain something to me when they spend their whole work day talking on the phone, sending emails and just overall doing sh*t that has nothing to do with work.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 8:56 am
” I mean, shoot, just because you feel comfortable doing something it doesn’t mean I have to do it as well.”
I think they are just mad because they know they shouldn’t be doing it in the first place and seeing you makes them have a conscious.
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Erin Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I think they just don’t care as much as I do about following rules. If something comes back, at least I can say I followed the guidelines as opposed to not following them and having to take the full responsibility for something.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Exactly!!!
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No Questions: Unless you’re the FBI, IRS, or standing at the gates to the kingdom of heaven, don’t ask me no damn questions. Oh you have a problem with something you’re working on? Go ask your boss. Or find a new job. Who am I texting? Where did I eat lunch? Please don’t go there and get your feelings hurt, then everyone will see that I truly don’t care and I’ll never make employee of the month! Fack!
Give me space: I’m always eating. If you come to my office while I’m eating, I’ll feel compelled to share with you. I don’t really want to, but I believe in karma, so I’ll share against my will. I won’t be happy about it, and it will be obvious.
Never say “Let me do you a favor…”: You’re not trying to help me. Let’s be real, you want to do better than me. Any favor you do me will probably benefit you first, and maybe even throw me under the bus long term. Even if you’re genuinely trying to be nice, I probably will think you’re trying to get ahead anyway, and I’ll judge you. We work together, I get it, but you’d rather work in the bigger office, I get that too. If you “do any favors” to “move up the ladder”, I’d like to pass up the opportunity to be on that list. Thanks!
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 8:55 am
“Give me space: I’m always eating. If you come to my office while I’m eating, I’ll feel compelled to share with you”
They say one of these attorneys will come up in here and just grab what you are eating and take a bite. (I now keep my peanut butter covered!)
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Seattle Washington Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:18 am
He would subsequently get a Judo chop right in the throat. Have to set standards.
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ildolceamore Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:20 am
That’s just gross, they should know not to go putting their fingers in everyone’s jars. So unsanitary!
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Exactly!!! it is so disgusting.. he allegedly took an oreo of another attorneys plate, took it apart, licked off the cream, put it back together and put it back on the atty’s plate.
That attorney is a germaphobe and I heard he had a fit. lol
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Reecie Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 9:06 am
I love this because I hate to be asked a bunch of questions anyway. I agree with the list. I know I’m used to making a pot of coffee when I use the last up. no biggie.
but I’m really big about announcing yourself. I have an office, but still sometimes I close my door. its usually open and so is everyone elses, but I always knock on it to “announce” my arrival, then I say ‘good morning’ or ‘hello’. I mean have some damn manners!
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 9:29 am
I hate the questions. Or when it’s obvious people were listening to your phone conversation. “What’s for lunch?” “Was that your mom?” “Are you going out of town?” Seriously dude. Get out of my life.
My office is actually a long hallway of suites that are all connected (no doors on the doorways connecting office sets) so I share an office space with a handful of other people. No problem, we all
tolerate each otherget along, but if someone comes in and asks ME a question, please let me answer. If they were talking to you, I’m sure that’d be obvi. Kinda like how it was obvi they were talking tome.Reply
RightCoastLexSteele, The Muscle Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Note to self: Approach Idolceamore while she’s eating something I want to take a bite of.
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Tell the check writer to check himself: So we have bi-weekly meetings where the guy who signs everyones check shows up. I’m here enjoying my break time and in he walks into the office. Not knowing a damn thing about what’s going on, he sends an e-mail to my boss stating that I was on the internet, and asked if I had enough work to do? Huh! What!? Excuse me!!?? NO SHIZNIT SHIRLOCK! I do this everyday on my BREAK TIME, so how’s bout you get more concerned w/the old guy you hired to be here three days a week to do absolutely NOTHING.
Thank You
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Oh em gee. Those are kick a$$ words.
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 9:30 am
He needs a kick in the pants.
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1. I’m BUSY DAYUMIT (hey, even if I am only blogging):
I’ve got my first office EVER (but I also work in a small law firm so EVERYONE has an office) but when I have my face glued to the computer or my desk (looking at documents), don’t barge in here, talking for FIFTEEN MINUTES about something that I did not ask you about.
2. MIND YOUR BUSINESS:
Don’t ask probing questions about what I am doing this weekend and “who did you get those flowers from?” DO you know these fools called me out at a company lunch, asking who bought me flowers? Talking about blushing fire steam red.
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I’m still waiting on my wall for my cubicle. Everyone can basically walk by and see what’s on my screen.
I hate the “what are you laughing at” question when I read something funny one someone’s blog.
Lex, I see you have to pull a Terry Tate: “you kill the Joe, you make some mo!”
I had to deal with a massager one time. I told him flat out that you saying good morning and giving me a shoulder rub makes me VERY uncomfortable. You can speak without touching.
I’m surprised someone hasn’t said DON’T BATHE IN YOUR FAVORITE SCENT. Just because you like it doesn’t mean I have to know by nose when you’ve arrived (before you say hello) and every room you’ve been in.
When I heat my lunch and eat it at my desk, don’t come from the other side off the office and sniff and say “what’cha got there?” MY Damn lunch.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 9:28 am
“When I heat my lunch and eat it at my desk, don’t come from the other side off the office and sniff and say “what’cha got there?” MY Damn lunch.”
I support this.lol.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
Something like that will make me throw my food away.. I hate germs and stuff too.
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:00 am
I can always tell where one of my co-workers has been by the trail of perfume she leaves. One of my other co-workers kept complaining about a mothball smell. I walked in and laughed. It was the notorious perfume.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:48 am
“When I heat my lunch and eat it at my desk, don’t come from the other side off the office and sniff and say “what’cha got there?” MY Damn lunch.”
YES! Get your hungry hot breath off my food!
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I’m not your Administrative Assistant! I develop software, just like you…don’t ask me, because I’m the ONLY female here out of 20 men to forward your phone, ‘do you a favor’ by sending out a FedEx for you or help set up for YOUR gotdamn WebEx….and don’t get mad because I look at you like you’ve lost your motherfloving mind and proceed to finish my work.
I close my door because y’alls @sses are LOUD! Don’t come in here without knocking like you don’t have any home training, I will ignore you.
Do your own research! That’s not my client. Don’t ask me to do any background work because you decided to go to lunch for 3 hours!
I know we have a casual, ok VERY casual, dress code but damn it I don’t want to see your nasty ass bare feet traipsing around the office, nor do I want to see your Rolling Stones T-shirt stretched across your gut hanging on for dear life…you ain’t at home!
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I agree with all these cept I don’t want these nasty a$$ people making anything for my consumption, nothing nada……BTW the first line of this post = hilarious LOL, what an opener LOL
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 9:54 am
My mom is like that. She won’t eat anything cooked by people at work. She always scared she’ll find hair or animal dander in the food.lol.
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 9:57 am
I had a friend tell me of a office lunch they had. I think it was catered. One person picked up a remaining tray of lasagna to take back to her section and a woman walked up to her, picked up the fork in the lasagna that had been used to dish it out to plates, forked some of the lasagna, ate it, and put the fork back in the tray. The woman who had the tray put it back on the table and walked away.
It never ceases to amaze me how less than stellar people will be when it comes to public food.
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Smiley Face Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Number #1 reason I don’t do potluck. Hell naw! Even if its catered, if I’m not the first person in line or they don’t have servers, I will walk my happy self to the store and get my own food.
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Peyso hasnt been blocked for 2 weeks and running Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:39 am
All the secretaries are some old southern black women so potluck is my shheeeiitt
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Black and Trapped in Toronto Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:47 am
The day I stopped participating in potluck was when a White scottish woman made rice and peas, approached me and asked me how it tasted..her husband is jamaican…yea ok…thats wonderful! what an accomplishment!..but ummm lady, that right there is NOT rice and peas stick to haggis.. please and thank you.
moral of the story? if you are decideing to branch out and cook cuisine you wouldn’t normally cook, dont use potluck as the time to debut your creation.
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Smiley Face Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:47 am
‘All the secretaries are some old southern black women so potluck is my shheeeiitt’
I am the only black ANYTHING in my office so yeah…no potluck for me
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RightCoastLexSteele, The Muscle Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Or how about the old people that don’t give a damn…they just ignore the huge serving utensils and stick their bare hands right into the tray…hate that sh*t.
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Smiley Face Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:25 am
*dry heave*
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I agree with your whole list of things Lex but here are a few more:
1) Please be clear and concise.
From the moment, and granted it isnt an actual meeting, you have two minutes to get your point across. I dont care about your database or what’s in it.
2) If I say “let’s set some time”, that means I dont wanna talk about it now.
If I say “let’s set some time”, please stop speaking and send me a meeting invite.
3) Do not try to bust my balls by pressing “Reply All” and attempting to throw me under the bus.
Chances are that I’m much smarter than you are and I am right you will only make yourself look like an idiot.
4) I do not need you to forward emails to me that I was CC’d on.
If there is an email that is telling me to do something, I dont need you to forward it to me to make sure I got it.
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Co-sign.
Whenever I’m speaking to someone (and it’s work related), I’m thinking one of 2 things: 1) What’s your point? 2) I don’t understand how I can help you. Be concise. Be concise. Be concise.
The reply-all button is a tool of the devil and when you use it, you’re doing the devil’s work. Plain and simple.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Reply-all makes my life awful.
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Smiley Face Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:37 am
#3 and 4 hit home! I hate that mess. Don’t cc me to try to get me involved in your f*ckery.
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BlueFlame Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Co-sign #3 and #4…can’t stand that mess!
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Cheekie Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:46 am
“3) Do not try to bust my balls by pressing “Reply All” and attempting to throw me under the bus.”
Oooh, it’s this chick that does this all the time. I remember when I was new, she asked me to clear up why I sent out a notice for something and COPIED MY BOSS. Like, I’m not gonna answer unless you cc my superior. Get that petty ish outta here. We can settle this between you and me. My boss rarely deals with that small mess anyway, he only jumps in when it’s something extreme.
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I came and asked you a work related question, you kindly gave me the pertinent information. I’m walking away now, you can shut up already, I’m not listening…
My cube is also open so people can sneak up on me, but I put a silver picture frame next to my monitor so I can see what is going on behind me. Still I generally ignore people unless they announce themselves (and breathing extra hard doesn’t count)
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let’s not forget break room etiquette. Because eating is just as important as working…
I said this before and ill say it again. Do not, I repeat, do not eat MY FOOD! If my name is on it – do not touch it!
We have this memo on the front of the community fridge at work talking about “Don’t eat what is not yours.” It has come to the point where now we have to spell out common sense. That ish irks the he11 out of me! woo-saa.
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RightCoastLexSteele, The Muscle Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:28 am
And bathroom etiquette…I know Slim and/or Seattle did a post about this, but my actual beef is with the fools that consistently take an elevator or several flights of stairs to come up to my floor to use the bathroom. Why in the world do you think you should spare the people on your floor the smell of your bodily functions and punish me? Why, why, why?
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olivya23 Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Man! I don’t even wanna get started on that. All I can say is that there are some nasty females. I mean like gross-nasty! If the toilet is supposed to automatically flush and it doesn’t, make it your duty to push that button so that it goes ALL THE WAY DOWN. I DO NOT wanna walk in the stall and see your bombs that you dropped over Baghdad.
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Smiley Face Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Jesus take the wheel! I HATE that! And wipe the friggin seat while you’re at it!
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I can’t prove this, but…
I really think women’s public bathrooms are more nasty than men’s. Seriously… I’ve seen some traumatizing mess in a women’s bathroom and it just ain’t right. I DO.NOT.UNDERSTAND.
Is it really that hard to leave it the way you’d want to find it?
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T. Dot Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:25 am
And please do not have a phone conversation while you are in the stall next to me. I don’t even want you to know that I need to use the ladies room. I don’t need the person on the phone to hear me too. Regardless of whether or not I know them.
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Ms. Cherry Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
in my former office we had this dude who used to stink up the place religiously at 2pm. Somehow he thought that leaving the door open after he blew it up was the proper etiquette.
Did I mention we had an effed up office configuration? The copy machine is located between the two unisex single stall bathrooms, which are adjacent and share a wall with the kitchen area… WTF is that about?!
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That cougar is still on yo shyt? hahahahhaha..cute
I’ve gotten used to this place…
Everyone pretty much knows..monday dont talk to or look at me…tuesday dont talk to me..wednesday dont talk to me…thursday you may only talk to me for 5 mins tops BUT i’m not listening..and Friday? well Friday we can be BESSSSSSSTTT FRIENDS @5 min to 5PM
The coffee rule also applies with me…fux w the cream or leave the coffee pot empty and i will throw a divas live fit.
Any of you have nasty mofos working w you? like ppl who be leaving sugar packets open and not wiping up spills on the counter? Well that will also set me off..
I have addressed this in my comments b4 but ppl are so goddamn nosey and are mad curious about my love life…I think this is because I am the only 20-something in the office who does not end or begin every sentence with her bf’s name…respect MY gangsta and go back to your desk or better yet make yourself invisible
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olivya23 Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:29 am
“I think this is because I am the only 20-something in the office who does not end or begin every sentence with her bf’s name”
definite co-sign!
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1.) We have offices for a reason. Announce yourself before just barging in and sitting on my couch man. I’m always looking at a site called Three Ways to Take It. You’re going to think I’m looking at orgy porn and that’s just effing awkward. I need a few seconds to click on Microsoft Word so all my documents pop up before you can walk around and see what’s on my screen.
2.) Stop inviting me to meetings that I don’t need to be at. I will bring my laptop and proceed to tweet, blog and talk on aim right in front of you while you talk about nothing that pertains to me. And if you call me out, I will regurgitate everything you said and give you a worthwhile response. Why? Because I’m better than you.
3.) Just because I’m cordial to you at work doesn’t mean I actually like you. I don’t want to hang out with you outside of work settings. In fact, I know you’re racist. And I refuse to be the guy you refer to when you say you have a “Black friend.” Now get out of my office.
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RightCoastLexSteele, The Muscle Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Unless it’s Stephen Colbert. I want to be Stephen Colbert’s black friend.
Does anyone know Stephen? Let him know this, please.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Put me on that waiting list as well. I want to be in Colbert’s posse.
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D Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
“And if you call me out, I will regurgitate everything you said and give you a worthwhile response. Why? Because I’m better than you.”
Hahahahahaha! I love it!
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I hate working, so, I agree with every complaint from this post. Why can’t I get paid to lay in my bed all day? I mean it could be deemed hard. Who can lay in bed all day and not get bored, have stimulating thoughts, and ignore everyone? Me. But, dammit the only thing I’ll have left is my bed, if I do this, so, I digress.
No really, the thing I can’t stand is mofos at work being all up in my biznass. I know, I am a young, intelligent, marvelous looking person, and you really just want to be my friend, BUT, you’re not. Period over done with. We ARE NOT FRIENDS. Me telling you a couple of random family memory stories, and telling you I like Beyonce`, Jay-Z, and Twitter doesn’t make us friends.
I only told you those things, so, you’d think you know something personal about me. If you really knew me you’d know I can’t stand your fake, hatin’ ass. You’d know sailor’s even say damn, when they hear me curse, and I hate working with your wishy washy ass. You’d also know that I am a very mean person and would be less than inclined to be my friend.
You’d also know that I will only be working this job for another year or so b/c I am in the process of starting my own business cause I’ma go crazy if I gotta spend one more day looking at yo ugly, unprofessional ass.
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1. I don’t want to know the in’s and out’s of your relationship. My boss is married with kids but feels the need to tell me about his sideline h* (who is also married with kids) and their sexcapades…um gross. I do not want to hear about what you did with her last night, i don’t care that you’re about to go see her becuase you need to n*t in that “sweet p*ssy.” I do not want to hear all of the grimmey details. (And when i tell you that is making me uncomfortable and you still keep talking…go to the nearest corner and shoot yourself) Please just let me be in my own little cubicle. There are just some things you don’t need to know about your boss…(And dude is older than my parents!!!!!!!) Talk about crossing a boundary.
2. Don’t go to the bathroom and not wash your hands and then expect me to shake your hand. I’m sorry…i’m going to look at you like you’re retarded.
3. Releasing any type of bodily functions in front of me is an automatic no-no. I don’t care who you are…u are liable to get cussed out at that point for doing that dumb ish.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Did your boss really say “sweet p*ssy”?
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BlueFlame Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:03 am
He’s said that and so much more. Her ringtone is a dog barking. So everytime he hears it he’s like “Oh…my b*tch is calling.”….looking for my next job….now!
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olivya23 Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:13 am
that’s horrible, a dog barking? although I chuckled a little on the inside.
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Nyela Goodness Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Co-sign. I chuckled, as well. But that’s awful
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Cheekie Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:41 am
“2. Don’t go to the bathroom and not wash your hands and then expect me to shake your hand. I’m sorry…i’m going to look at you like you’re retarded. ”
Ew. Us ladies know this all too well. You’re in a stall, and the person next to you walks out of their stall and you hear the clankity-clank of their heels clank right out of the bathroom door. Didn’t hear n’an water running. *puke*
Then you see this chick later and she reaches out her hand for a shake or a high five. You better high five yourself to a soap factory. NASTY!
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CHeeKZ Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:55 am
You my freind.. have the worst job in the world.
I don’t understand… how do sexual harassers become comfortable enough to start with this talk….
Did yall have some conversations that led him to believe otherwise? Why is he so bold? Your boss is so cool… how can I get away with that ishh like him.
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BlueFlame Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Nope…the first time he started talking about sex i was like ummm…this is making me very uncomfortable…He replied…i dont really care, i feel like sharing. I’m paying you so what does it matter. (That was NOT in the job description!) He’s one of those guys that doesn’t care about how what he says affects others…as long as it doesn’t affect him
The words b*tch, c*um, as*, f*ck, n*ut, d*ck are thrown around on a daily basis.
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RightCoastLexSteele, The Muscle Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
You guys have any openings?
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We use real dishes in my office. If you don’t want to wash your dishes, bring your own disposables. I don’t want to look at your dirty dishes sitting in the sink for the next week cause you are too lazy. & nothe cleaning lady isn’t paid to take care of your dirty dishes either.
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“Announce yourself”
LOL, there is this guy that used to work here that would approach your desk and just stand behind you until you felt his presence. Didn’t breathe hard or nothing. Just stood there. Then, when you looked back, he’d act like he was looking out the window to see if it was raining or some ish. lmfao. Cracked my sh*t UP. And weirded me out a bit.
“Tell Someone That Cares”
Mmhmm. Folks say I’m a good listener so I am usually the victim of this mess. I mean, I like listening and comforting folks so I do listen to folks blabber about the drama in their lives. It’s okay…
plus I am a writer so I can use it as fodder for my screenplays, unless it’s Monday and I’m groggy and irritable, then I just half-listen.“Hands off the Merchandise”
LOL, this is a good one. I’m a hugger, but I always make sure I get a feel for people before I hug them for something. And it takes a while for me to become familiar enough with them to give them a hug. Certain personal convos and time has to pass before I do touch you or allow you to touch me.
“B*tch better have my Java”
We have an automatic coffemaker with those little packs so cleaning out the coffee pack bin is the equivalent to having to make a fresh pot at my job. And when the machine first revealed itself to us, I remember feeling like I was always stuck with cleaning it out, because it won’t let you make more if it’s full. Now, I don’t drink that weak ish anymore anyway.
A couple more colorblind @ work rules:
1. Don’t leave your stinky moldy food in the communal fridge until the end of time. That ish affects other people’s food. Bacteria is a skinny heffer and can get through the tiniest of spaces…that space better not be my tupperware.
2. Don’t stare at my computer when I’m commenting on Three Ways. *side eyes random 2520 walking by* This is internet research (a part of my job and thus easy to lollygag on the internets here), mind YOURS.
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Black and Trapped in Toronto Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 11:42 am
dont get me started on the goddamn fridge!!!…they clean it out b4 long wknds you come back in after the fact put your food in the EMPTY fridge its still stinking??!! They wont spend the money on baking soda, but somehow I dont think that will help silence the bacteria growth…
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“I know you feel like the power of Christ compels you, but I talk to dude all the time and I know for a fact that he doesn’t compel you to do such things.”
*DEAD*
Also, I HATE HATE HATE it when ppl stare at my computer screen. I had one coworker who’d come to my “desk” just to look at my screen. MIND YOUR EFFIN BIZNESS. She even did it one time when I was ON LUNCH surfin the NET!
And bytch wonder why shes on my Limited profile on Facebook
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RightCoastLexSteele, The Muscle Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
The flaming metro is famous for that. If he’s not saying “How’s it going, bro” or ranting about the day’s happenings, he’s reading my computer screen and any loose papers laying on my table (I have no desk).
“Wow…singleblackmale.net…is that a dating thing or a black guy support group? That’s so cool…you guys have all this stuff and it’s cool…WORD TO THE MOTHER!…is that how you guys say it?”
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Where are these people raised who think it’s ok to do ish like that? I don’t understand.
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Streetz: The Friday Night Delight Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Hell.
lol
@RCLS
Cole, you stupid
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We have no offiices at my job. Only the Execs and VP have offices. All Seniors downward sit in rows of alligned comps facing somebody else. NO PRIVACY. Here are the things that irk me.
1. When I am on the phone. You do NOT need to let me know that you’ve been listening to EVERY word I said by asking a question. Like… “oh hey…so I heard you’re looking for x,y,z…i know where you could get that.” Uugh…who asked you?! Thanks for helping but that’s rude and an invasion of privacy.
2. Please ladies, I wonder what kind of BUSH you guys crawled out from when you leave all sorts of remains in the women’s bathroom. Like…why do you not know to flush? Why should I open 3 bathroom doors and see disintigrating poo, and feminine products that have not been flushed. That is disgusting and I would love to figure out who the turd is that does this!!!
3. I don’t want to hear your phone conversation about you just trying to “kick it” with the PYT and kick back and listen to some good music at night. And obviously saying it loud enough so that everybody could hear what a mac you are. Sit down and shut up. You’re making all of us brown folk look kinda bad.
4. When a 50 yr old man sees me and says, “yo…wassup?!” and I respond with, “I’m well thank you. how are you?” and I look at you like you’re crazy. Yea…it’s probably because I’ve got a Masters and an Ivy League Education, and I speak proper English but you look at me and ASSUME that you’d be down with me if you throw up the deuce sign with your fingers…go burn. (sorry….Right Coast Lex Steele, you’re bringing out the anger in me)
5. When you give me my evaluation, and you praise me for one of the projects that the only other black female in the office has worked on…Go figure.
6. When you send me an email telling me that you “want to get to know me better” and you think this is appropriate in the office? Especially when you’re 20 yrs my senior? I will punch you in the gut.
7. I may look young (black don’t crack even though i’m 25), be brown, and I may be attractive, but that does not automatically equal stupid.
You do not need to explain in detail how to do what I need to do…especially when you’re an idiot and have no idea how to do your job. Like down to the detail of, “when you call, say xyz” WHAT? are you crazy!!!Then you get insulted when I call you out on it. Just shut up.
8. Kinda based on #7. Please don’t get all super excited and impressed when I do my job well. I’ve been consistenly doing my job well since i’ve been here. It tells me you didn’t expect it because of your biases. uugh.
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Smiley Face Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
“4. When a 50 yr old man sees me and says, “yo…wassup?!” and I respond with, “I’m well thank you. how are you?” and I look at you like you’re crazy. Yea…it’s probably because I’ve got a Masters and an Ivy League Education, and I speak proper English but you look at me and ASSUME that you’d be down with me if you throw up the deuce sign with your fingers…go burn.”
Co-sign…and then I’d add stop telling me I’m smart all the time like I need confirmation. That irks me to no end..it’s like a pat on the head. Why are you so amazed that I know how to do my job *blank stare* ?
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Your whole comment…
*tombstoned*
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D Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Sorry guys I got a lil fired up with that one. I guess I shouldn’t be bottling these things up. ::holds head in shame::
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Seattle Washington Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Three Ways To Take It – letting people get all the bottled up frustrations off their chests & successfully preventing work place murders since August 2008.
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Actually, what’s good with women dropping deuces and not flushing? I hear about this way too often…even though I don’t believe women booboo.
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Smiley Face Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Slim, those would be the same women who think theirs don’t stink…
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I co-sign 1, 2 and 7. Especially 7. It’s come to my attention that a lot of the praise I’ve been getting (and I’ve been hella confused by it) is because I work with a bunch of 2520s who apparently don’t know a lot of black people… (and I’ll leave it at that).
This is among the many reasons why I’ve been listening to country music only at my desk as of late… without my earphones.
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yo… there should be like… a Three Ways Happy Hour…
This is the second day in a row, I finally get to sit at my desk, I get in here and there’s nothing but magnificent tangents to comment on! When do you actually DO the work?!?!
or a Three Ways After Dark…
I’m jus sayin’…
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Slim Jackson Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
I was joking recently with someone about a 3 Ways Party. We bout to start pushing T-shirts. Anybody who buys and wears 1 will get in free.lol.
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ASmith Reply:
July 30th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I can already see a Three Ways After Dark… and I see people running away with it…
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